A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ive got a pretty interesting question, and id love some feedback. So i started seeing this cop about 5months ago, hes got a good seven years on me. I wouldnt say we were dating, it was more of fun and games, but we developed feelings for each other, but we both have trust issues. Through out these couple months theres been some up's and downs, it seems whenever we get to a certain point, something always happens to mess it up, but i have so many feelings for him, its insane. About too weeks ago, i made a real messed up choice, i was driving around with one of my bestfriends and we happened to pass the guy im seeing talking to another girl, or so we thought, it didnt really bother me and i just kinda thought it was funny. so we drove around some more and ran into the girl driving. We moved on, but then we ran into her a second time, so me and my friend were kinda interested in what she was up to, we figured she was trying to meet up with him again. Well, we decided to follow her for a bit and see where she was going (bad choice number one) shoulda just drove off.anyways, we followed her for minute so we could see what she looked like, then turned off down a road, then she started following us, so were like wtf?? and before we knew it, we were being pulled over by like 5cops and it turns out she was a off duty state trooper and the guy i was seeing wasnt even the one out there talking to her, it was a different guy who looked like him. So now were pulled over, my friends out the car in handcuffs being questioned, he tells them the truth and i look pretty much insane, anyways the guy i was seeing starts asking the guy(my friend) all these questions bc he thinks im sleeping with him, WHICH IM NOT. long story short, now i look crazy and the guy i was with (the cop) is so pissed he wont even talk me, and i feel so horrible because i didnt mean for things to go down like that, and i care so much about him, all i want is for us to at least be friends! Any advice? and im sorry this is so long, i tried to shorten it up a bit :) Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Country Woman  +, writes (6 June 2009):
 Unfortunately your jealousy did rule on this one I am afraid and your immaturity as well.
You tried to play undercover cops/private detectives and it turned into a game, when it became very real and you were basically popped that's when the preverable s**t hit the fan.
You embarrassed him by your actions and the fact that he had to get involved in all of this has left him feeling like oh god, this goes down on my records and doesn't look good for his career that some crazed female was caught out stalking a state trooper and probably another guy who was involved on a professional level with her (the state trooper).
I always remember when I visited Florida many years ago my ex's brother-in-law who is now ex royal marines and is still part of the national guard he warned us to not do anything wrong and don't try and bring attention to ourselves when driving as the state troopers have a LOT of power so just do the speed limit and don't do anything silly whilst visiting on holiday.
Unfortunately you went one step further and I can understand why the guy you were seeing has pulled back completely from you. He now has serious trust issues with you and you have made him look a fool, perhaps in time he will forgive you but it is going to take time and I think as you mature in years you will understand why he reacted the way he did.
It was a bit of a laugh for you and your friend but it got out of hand and it is hard to undo now.
Put your feelings down in a written letter and send it to him, if he reads it OK, if not, then you have to accept he has pulled right back but one day he may at least be a friend, just give him time to get over this whole thing. It won't be overnight as it was a BIG deal for him and could affect his career.
I realise there was no malicious intent on your behalf but unfortunately his superiors might not see it that way and may have given him a serious dressing down or told him that perhaps a promotion may now be in jeopardy or cancelled altogether.
It has been a huge learning curve for you but you have to take something from this whole experience and I think you have learnt the hard way by losing this guy's respect.
Good luck for the future.
BFN
Country Woman
A
male
reader, boyman9 +, writes (6 June 2009):
Get time to talk to him it might be hard but it well be worth it tell him the truth about how you fell about this mess. And the otherbasic ways Pray! HOPE THIS HELPS
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