A
female
age
26-29,
*lovesickxscorpiox
writes:so ive done it again... ive fallin in love and once again the guy dosnt want to love me... i just told him that i was crushing on him... and he knew for a while. he said hes not the relationship type of guy... and he dosnt know why.. and i can kinda tell since hes flirty with other girls (whitch secretly pisses me off btw)... i told him i was ok with him not liking me that way and of course that was a lie... because... well... i love him... and...i cant stop wanting to love him. thats like trying to give up chocolate . i dont wanna do that. so how do i make him fall in love with me too?
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female
reader, largentsgirl89 +, writes (6 May 2013):
 He is exploring other options right now, but it sounds like he is keeping you on the back burner incase those other "options" don't pan out.
Observe from a distance, but don't hold your breath. Every line he told you is a cop out or a reason to keep you thinking he is into you and will eventually want to be with you. Which could be true. It may be true but that could be like ten years from now for all you know.
I would move on. If you really like him, be his friend, but don't wait around for him.
A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (6 May 2013):
 ok, ok lovesick,
Let's just assume that you are right and the majority of the experienced aunts are reading this wrong. Let's assume that even though he said he loved your personality, even that wasn't code.
Making that assumption, lets address your new questions. By the way I like your new questions better than your first question. Here they are: "(1) How do I ask him why he’s not up for a relationship? (2) And what kind of answer should I prepare myself for? (3)Is it possible that he has a broken heart? (4) Or some sort of love phobia?"
1) Really I think you should not ask that question. You have not built a relationship of trust with him that allows him to discuss his inner feelings safely with you. This is also likely to make you look like a stalker. So to answer your question, ask gently with out demanding. Make sure he can trust you not to share with anyone else.
2) Given the current status of your relationship, be prepared for (in order of likeliness) an evasive answer, or a change of topic. A sarcastic answer. Or, a lie. If by chance I'm wrong and he gives you an honest answer it will likely be that he is too young or immature for as relationship, and quite frankly he was scared when you declared your crush on him.
3)Anything is possible, I would think at his age it is the second or third possibility. But the question points out to me that you really don't know him very well. If you had a strong relationship with him that could handle the question you so want to ask, then you would already know the answer to this.
4) Phobias are much rarer than you think. This possibility is after 10th rank. Way after the answers you have rejected.
Now the wrap up advice. I see that a week has cooled your Crush a bit. That is a good sign. Keep up with the smiles. Keep being a good friend. Don't do or say any thing he could interpret as a breach of trust. Learn much more about him (without stalking!)
FA
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A
female
reader, xlovesickxscorpiox +, writes (5 May 2013):
xlovesickxscorpiox is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt’s not the fact that he doesn't like me, I know for a fact because he told me he does and he would date me but he’s not ready for a relationship. Maybe he’s suffering from a broken heart or something, I don't know but I'm reluctant to ask why he doesn't want a relationship since we're good friends and I don't want to mess anything up between us.
This is what he told me:
"Truth is... I like you too but I’m not up for a relationship
It’s not you...
It’s me
I love your personality
Me face lights up when I see you
Like my morning coffee
I would definitely go out with you…but not now"
Then I asked if I could wait for him and he said “I cannot see the future...so I cannot promise you anything.”
How do I ask him why he’s not up for a relationship? And what kind of answer should I prepare myself for? Is it possible that he has a broken heart? Or some sort of love phobia?
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A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (1 May 2013):
Dont have any advice, but if you somehow find the formula for the elusive "love potion," let me know and I'll take you public. We'd make billions.....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2013): Ya, that stinks when the feelings aren't mutual, but you need to suck it up, hold your head up high, and move on. You can't make someone love you. You just can't.I think it's great that you were confident enough to put your feelings out there, that can be so hard to do when you are not sure what the other person thinks, or if it will be mutual."He's not the relationship type"...well, he's respectfully telling you he's not interested, and honestly, he's probably right. If he's *really* into someone, as you are him, he will be ready to take that leap and see how it goes and for whatever reason, he's just not feelin' it. I would much prefer a boy to be honest, then to lie or carry on some fake relationship to get what he's really after at this age.Sorry it didn't go the way you wanted it to. You need to keep it friendly and casual with him. Keep busy with other things and before you know it, another boy will catch your eye and he will feel the same about you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2013): OP I'm not sure what the others have written but I only have one thing to say and frankly it's all that matters.
"he said hes not the relationship type of guy" is guy code for I don't like you (you specifically) in that way.
It's a 100% rejection of you OP and he's just trying to be as nice as possible about so he said it that way.
This is going to hurt to hear OP but he 100% doesn't want to be with you, he doesn't fancy you, doesn't ever want a relationship with you and that's that.
He's not into you OP, there is zero hope here.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (1 May 2013):
Lovesick,
There are a lot of wrong answers I could give you and while they seem funny to me they would be cruel to you. You have received some very good answers so far. The answers are true, but not what you asked for. CMMP suggested that you ask him out on a friendly date, I've got some stronger suggestions. They will be harder.
How to make a guy love you, or rather how to get a guy to think of you in a romantic way. First and hardest thing, forget the idea that you own him. For that matter put the whole idea that you will ever own him right out of your mind. We don't own people and we don't make them do things.
Next stop stalking, even cyber stalking. At this age when a girl chases a boy he runs.
Next find out more about him. Learn about his hobbies and interests. I don't mean learn what they are, I mean know stuff about them.
Smile a lot and be friendly.
Be involved in the community, school, and church. Volunteer. Show him and everyone what a great person you are.
If he does something special or important, make sure he know you were impressed. (without stalking)
And the most important thing. When he does start to see you in the right light, and wonder of wonders he asks you out for a friendly date, don't be busy. Move the world to accept that date. But you still don't own him.
That is really what it takes, and there is no guarantee that it will work, but along the way you will improve your self and meet some pretty great people, and you may even find love unexpectedly.
FA
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A
male
reader, King-MFS  +, writes (1 May 2013):
 I believe your approach was a little too fast! A good approach is a slow and traceable, that's because it makes it easier to correct the mistakes you make along the way; therefore, I think you should start again by becoming his friend and then you should make closer bonds with him as you move forward on this relationship. Once you are close enough you should ask him of his idea to form a serious relationship with you one more time, if he agrees with your request than you have finally found what you were looking for; however, if he refuses this time also, than he is either not interested in you or he is truly not the relationship kind of guy. This is the only way you can be sure of his choice.I definitely agree with "IAmHereToHelpYou" about her first statement. You usually can't fall in love with someone in the first sight especially if he is not willing to return your love. Falling in love is something mutual and consists of a full understanding, respect and fondness of the physical, emotional, cultural and spiritual attributes of your partner, it requires a course of development in which you must pass other certain stages in a relationship to reach it; therefore, it isn't quite right to define your fillings for this guy as "falling in love", what you have here is a crush and a crush only! You can either choose to develop it or to forget about it. Since crushes occur fast and are usually not thoroughly developed they are forgotten much easier than long term attachments (like your love for chocolate!!). Anyways it is also very important to respect his choice regarding your request of him. If you truly love him, you should be able to let him go if he is not interested in you so he can live his life the way he wants it and with the person he loves.I hope you find this helpful.
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A
male
reader, justsomeoldman +, writes (1 May 2013):
You don't understand something fundamental, something so basic it goes to the nature of all relationships.Men and women don't make rational choices about who they love and none of us are able to simply make such a decision, to love someone or not to love someone, and then proceed with our life as if we had just completed the list of items we are going to purchase from the grocery store.Yes, women, are somewhat more able to manage relationship and sexual matters than men are; Their ability to think about these matters consciously is greater than a man's. God gives them this, I think because women have such big responsibilities. And no, for men, it's more like we walk around blind, semi-comatose, barely able to understand much at all. I've been married 34 years, no kids, and my wife and I are still in love.Now, I'll give you one suggestion. Don't listen to your friends, they may know less than you. Instead, listen to "IAmHereToHelpYou," she's just given you pretty good advice...
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A
female
reader, largentsgirl89 +, writes (1 May 2013):
You are between 16 and 18 years old, which makes me assume that he is too. And the majority of boys in this age group aren't the "relationship" kind and that could be for a number of reasons. Mostly because they don't like being stuck to one person.
Move on from him, give him space and hang out with your friends and just do that for a while. Perhaps he will realize that he likes you too, but he more than likely won't.
I used to wait around for these types of guys all of the time, I didn't take anyones advice either which you probably won't either.
Don't wait around. Move on.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (1 May 2013):
Yeah, it's okay because you're young, but pretty soon you'll learn what love really is, and this definitely isn't it. So, keeping that in mind, realize that you can like a guy relatively easily, so it's not like he's the only one that can make you feel that way.
First things first: I wasn't the relationship type when I was his age either. That didn't mean to I was a player, it's just that I had a serious relationship and realized that girls at that age were wanting way more (relationship wise) than I wanted to give them. Maybe he's the same. If so you have little chance, because at best you'll date but he won't pay enough attention to you to make you happy.
You can't make him like you, but it certainly wouldn't hurt to simply ask him out. You have to be prepared for the possibility that he'll say no. If you can't handle rejection at this stage in your life I wouldn't do it. But go on a few friendly dates with him outside of school and he may come around.
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