A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my fiance' for over 4 years now. About 1 year ago, I had this guy friend and him and I shared the same problems we were going through and he was on the computer late at night like me. I feel like I may have started to develop feelings for him. I did used to like him in our teen years but nothing came of it except friendship.Last year when this was happening, we used to text late at night just talking about random things. He wanted me to hook him and my cousin up when he asked if I knew anyone single, I am stupid and told him "would you really do that to me?" I think that was because I knew I used to like him in our teen years and I didn't want my cousin with him, that's jealous I hope that's all it was. Why would I feel like that? I LOVE my fiance' I feel like we are two peas in a pod. He is amazing and we have a child together.One time when this friend and I were talking I was telling him about how when I drink I like to kiss everyone, I did it to see what his reaction was like. I feel at that moment I wanted to kiss him. I am so confused and hurt thinking I don't deserve my fiance'I would smile every time he would text me. I felt like the only reason I wouldn't flirt anymore was because I would feel guilty.When I did see this friend at an event we went to that involved our whole town, my fiance' walked away for a bit to go do something. I was thinking of how I could sneak away wit the friend and how I could be with both him and fiance' at the same time. Then, when my fiance' returned I realized how ridiculous that thought was and that I do really love him.I did stop after a few months of talking a lot because I could tell it was bothering my fiance'Do I deserve to be with him? I love him, I really do, no doubt in my mind. Was I doing this for attention? Is that even normal? I feel horrible.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2013): "I never kept this from my fiancé."
So your fiancé knows you were thinking about getting with this guy physically too, that you wanted to sneak away with him and be with both of them?
Your fiancé knows that you got jealous when this other guy talked about getting other women?
Does your fiancé know that you wanted to kiss him?
That your heart skipped a beat and you smiled every time you got a text from him?
Well great if he knows all those little details and is okay with his partner acting that way with other guys then why are you here? Why would you feel guilty if there's nothing wrong with any of that?
OP two peas in a pod don't act that way with other guys and feel those things about them.
Yes mistakes do happen, but you seem very keen to defend yourself and say you did nothing wrong, then you made no mistakes. If that's the case then what's to stop you doing it again? Nothing wrong with any of this right? So why not do it again with the next guy whose texts make you smile? Perfectly innocent.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2013): We all human.
Treat it as a warning. Male friends yes - Potential affair no!
Be happy you have someone good in a good relationship & instead of staying up late on the computer give 100% to your relationship.
No one is perfect and don't beat yourself up about this, move on and be sure not to repeat this mistake again as you have no need.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2013): You can't look at the Menu when you have already ordered the main - your fiance, and desert - the child u have together.
Grow up - your fiance deserves to be loved, you are no longer in a position to browse around. You committed to your fiance by having a child, now get married, and love both of them with all that you have for the rest of your days.
If people come into your life that are going to tempt your weak willed mind - YOU need to get rid of them by not speaking to them, culling them from your life and doing the right thing by your family. How would you feel if your fiance was doing the same thing behind your back? If you screw things up what are you going to tell your child when it grows up? What kind of person do you want to be?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2013): I never kept this from my fiancé. I am just obsessing about thinkin how I don't deserve him. When I asked the guy if I came off as flirting, he said no. I don't know what I typed to give you the impression I am not trustworthy or would do it again but I definitely am against cheating and that's why I am it sure what happened. I am happy with my fiancé regardless of this situation. Him and I are two peas in a pod so you can't tell me I'm not happy when I am.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2013): You had an emotional affair with another man. Basically OP you were cheating.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emotional_affair
"Do I deserve to be with him?"
That's up to your fiancé to decide but something tells me the guy you were cheating with is not going to be the last guy you cheat with.
"Was I doing this for attention?"
Yeah, that and your fiancé isn't enough for you.
"Is that even normal?"
Some people say it is, I disagree. If I were your fiancé I'd dump you in a heartbeat, you'd be gone and I have a feeling if your fiancé knew the extent of your emotional affair he wouldn't be your fiancé anymore. So yeah, you're right to feel horrible, it means you have a conscience and it means it's possible you won't do anything like this again.
The question is can you really live a lie without your fiancé knowing how far you went with this guy and how far you were willing to go? is that how you want to enter marriage with your fiancé thinking this guy was a bit too full on but not knowing what it actually was?
I'm not sure I could, if you can then best of luck. That would eat away at me, I'd find it hard to see my own partner think everything is so rosy and not know what I had done to them or how badly I wanted to physically cheat on them too.
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A
female
reader, NORA B  +, writes (1 May 2013):
There is no harm in feeling attraction for this guy-as there is no harm at looking at THE MENU.You are very lucky to have a fiance that you love.STOP RIGHT THERE.Do not play with fire or you cud end up with without anybody.As you stated you were being ridiculous.Enjoy your life with your fiance. Best Wishes Nora B.
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