A
female
age
51-59,
*elleyinTN
writes:I am attracted to this man at work that comes in 3 days a week to do his job, and I knew him very vaguely from other job before switching. I did always find him attractive, but just said "hello." I was pretty sure he was married, but didn't look for ring since I had eyes set on another guy that helped me get job where I am now. I did go out a few times with the employee that helped me, but he had too much going on in his life to make me a priority. It happens and I parted ways on good terms. The second guy from vendor company recognized me on first day and ever since then has steadily progressed in attention. He even nicknamed me "trouble". I just laugh about it when he calls me that sometimes. He knows my name. Lately, it seems like the casual chats have gotten longer, he stands a lot closer, complimenting me, even reached out to touch my arm. He wants to know my work schedule and admitted he looks for me if he's shopping. I am seriously enjoying the flirting but, I need to make sure the lack of ring actually means he isn't married anymore. I don't know if my lack of discouragement is seen as encouragement. I don't know his last name other than it starts with S. Will see this man this week and will get answers. I hope he is single now. I can't stop thinking about how great he seems and how easy it is to talk. If he is single and did ask me out, I would agree to dating. I want so much to return the flirting, but don't want to end up being a fool for flirting with a married man. I would never be the other woman and hurt a wife because I wouldn't want to be in her shoes.
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at work, flirt, married man Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, BE125 +, writes (12 June 2018):
I think the way you find out for sure if he’s married is to do what the other post suggested, ask a question that presupposes he is married, like what does your wife think about XYZ, insert topic...Even though you didn’t ask I would be careful about workplace dating. There is a couple in my unit that eventually got married, and their dating and relationship has caused a lot of stress and anger within my unit because of unnecessary tension. On the other hand if this man is not married, there is nothing morally wrong with getting to know him. One side note, if he is married and he’s behaving like that toward you, maybe he’s the one that is trouble! You would have to wonder why he’s concealing the fact that he’s married by NOT wearing a ring. If he’s doing what you say to you, you may not be the only one he’s doing it to, and I’m sure his wife would not appreciate his behavior. I hope you let us all know how it goes!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2018): Oh boy! Here we go again! Flirting and inappropriate behavior at the workplace.
If you're an American, you should know that it's considered inappropriate for a male co-worker to touch your arm, it's crossing many lines. You really shouldn't ask his marital-status; because it's presumptuous and best to just assume he is married or taken. Simply because your workplace is not your dating-pool or a mingles club. That's why you were given the nickname "trouble!" Maybe because it's obvious you don't seem to be aware of improper conduct and professionalism in the workplace.
It's highly a volatile and tense environment between the sexes these days; with regard to how people interact in their workplace.
A movement was started by women; and now you're creating the wrong kind of atmosphere in your workplace; that makes it hard for the other women. Those who don't want men taking liberties or touching them inappropriately. They're also watching you; and will spread gossip until eyes from higher up will also be watching you. You could cost them loads of money in lawsuits and legal costs!
With all the potential improprieties, legal liability, and warnings about sexual-harassment and misconduct in the workplace; you're pushing the envelope. You should not allow him to behave anyway towards you but as a respectful co-worker. Regardless of what his feelings are; you're both on the job, not in a single's bar!
It's better to date outside where you earn your bill and rent money. Using your workplace like a dating pool is exactly as the the vendor says. Trouble!!! Huge liability for the employer! Huge!
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (10 June 2018):
 Surely it would be easy enough to slip into a conversation "Does your wife work?" or "What does your wife think about that?" or something along those lines? That will be his chance to tell you whether he is married or not (assuming he wants to tell you the truth).
Do none of your other colleagues know him well enough to know if he is still married? You can always try checking him out on social media and see if there is any mention of a significant other or any pics.
This aside, consider whether it is wise to date someone from your work place. Not all relationships end well. You were lucky with your ex. What if yo get into a deep relationship with this man, then it goes horribly wrong and you still have to see each other at work?
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