A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello! my name is cathy and i have 2 pieces of information i need help on im 16 i really like this man and he's 21 and engaged!!! whenever were around with eachother theres alot of flirting going on and its a bit obvious we like eachother but you see i reallly reallly like him and i dont know what to do because his fiance hates it when im around him because she knows we have feelings for eachother have you any advice for me??my cousin is 15 and she isnt a virgin and im 16 and i am one i feel really hurt because whenever we have fights she turns around and rubs it in my face because im a virgin but she doesnt know that im just afraid of the whole idea of having sex is there something wrong with me? why am i afraid?
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male
reader, RosesAreRed86  +, writes (5 November 2009):
She rubs it in your face that you're a virgin and she's not? Doesn't sound like a very nice cousin to me.First off, you have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of being a virgin at your age. Far, far, far too many people nowadays rush into sex because they feel they have to "get the monkey off their back" and end up having sex with someone who they really shouldn't and later end up regretting not having saved themselves for someone more special.Believe me, when you two get a little older and start looking for someone to marry, SHE will be the one who has something to be ashamed of. Good, decent men do not typically want to date sluts, and her losing her virginity at such a young age will likely come back to bite her in the ass in some way or another. I know that I personally would be more than just a little put off by a girl that had lost it at 15 or younger. Many teenagers falsely believe that having sex (just like drinking and doing drugs) somehow "makes them an adult" while this is entirely untrue. Sex should be an act of intimacy that you share with someone you already love. Having sex with someone who you don't already love and care about isn't going to make you love them or make them love you. Please don't just go out and have sex with some random person so that you can be on "equal footing" with your cousin. Believe me, right now, you are more than her equal. In my eyes, you are BETTER than her for holding back until you find someone you are very comfortable with.As for this engaged man. Forget about him. He is off limits and too old for you. Frankly, he may find you attractive and that's why he flirts with you, but realistically, he should realize that you two are simply not at the same level of emotional maturity and in my opinion would be a bit of a creep if he tries to make a move on you. I'm 24 and find plenty of 16 year old girls attractive and may "flirt" with them if given the opportunity, but I would never act on my impulses, as this would be taking advantage of them. Granted at 21 he is younger than I am, but even at that age, I wouldn't ever pursue anything with them, because they simply really have very little to offer me intellectually or emotionally.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2009): i kow how it feels cathy, i fancied my p.e teacher for 2years and by the end i loved him he used to touch the skin on my back while we had swimming or look at my butt or take my hand or have a private conversation with me. one i hurt my ankle and he carried me inside. i loved him, he had a fiancy too but she got pregnant and had a miscarriage, in some ways i was glad cause they went futher apart but others i was sad for the baby and him. but now i don't love him, i still get the feeling of him wanting to talk to me and there is something till there, but i have a boyfriend who i like. but i say go for it, i wish i did.
And the scond part, if she brings it up in a fight just say something like 'i don't care, i wouldn't want to be like u. U sleep around with any guy you can get!' that should shut her up. Good luck xxx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAwwh Thank You Very Much!!! I Cant Explain What Your Advice Means To Me Honestly Thanks For Answering My Question!!! x
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2009): Hi Cathy,First off, don't let any one tell you some guy is "too old" for you. I know of a 16 year old girl who fell in love with a 46 year old guy, they married 2 years later, and guess what? Stayed married for 22 years. Considering the fact that most marriages where the guy and girl are close in age only last a couple years, I'd say that blows the age difference theory right out of the water.Second, the engaged guy. Approach his fiance and gently explain your feelings. Most girls will be upset, but some, of whom I know, would consider sharing their man, as long as it was a life long committment. If she/they say no, well, you've lost nothing by trying. But if she says yes...?Lastly, hang on to that virginity. The only safe sex you can have is in a lifelong, totally committed relationship. Sex out side of that in any degree is risky in some way. You know, there are guys out there that consider you to be pure. So cheer up! It'll all work out, just give it some time.
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A
female
reader, hotredhead  +, writes (1 August 2009):
 ok firstly forget this guy no offense but he is engaged and a little old for you anyways and the fact that he's flirting is disrespectful to his finance and certainly unfairly leading you on.
As for your virginity you should be rubbing it in her face that you have more self respect and dignity to wait until you're legal...just because you're legal doesn't make you ready. It's perfectly normal to be afraid of the idea of having sex for he first time, it is daunting but when you find the right person and a time that's right for you that fear will fade
hope this helps good luck and if you do have sex be safe x
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (1 August 2009):
 You're normal. Kids make fun of other kids for being a virgin, but then they look down on those who aren't. Virginity is something that once it's gone, not matter how much you desire, you're not getting it back. It truly is special. You may not realize it now, but when you get older, your choices will determine whether loosing it was special to you, or if your one of the hundreds of girls I've personally talked to who wish they waited, or the circumstance they lost it was different. The biggest one, I thought he was the one. After they loose it, the one takes off to his next virgin.
When you choose to loose it, make sure it's right for you. Not because of pressure, or what your cousin says to you. Remember you only have one chance, so don't just jump into it.
Don't be messing with engages guys. You may have feelings, but he's getting married. You don't want to step in between he and his fiance. Doing so generally doesn't turn out the way you'd want it to.
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A
female
reader, bec23  +, writes (1 August 2009):
your first issue about the enagaged guy-forget him. guys love attention from anyone so he's probably flirting with lots of girls. the fact that he's engaged and flirting with another woman shows what type of person he is. also if anything were to happen between you-trust me you wouldnt end up being the good guy. you would be the baddie and you dont want that. as for your cousin having sex before you-who cares! you have plenty of time and you could possibly do it with someone you like not because you felt like you had too. she probably had sex with some fugly guy.
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