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male
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anonymous
writes: I am a single guy between relationships (understatement!) and have become very attracted (also an understatement!) to a woman at work. The problem is that she is in a long term relationship, and yet, even allowing for the typical male tendency to misinterprete female friendliness for something more, I'm pretty sure she feels something for me. That fact that she is with someone, and also that she has only recently started in her job, would normally be enough for me to do my best not to let my feelings build, mainly because it wouldn't be fair on her, both on a personal and a work basis.And yet, I want to be with her so much, and like I say, there does seem to be something in return. I just don't know whether to say something (I desperately don't want her to feel awkward), wait to see what happens (I'm barely keeping it together at the moment), or try to let the feelings subside (they are building and building).
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2005): Interesting - how do you tell if there is an attraction, especially she is in a long term relationship. Just curious ...
That said, do the right thing, dude.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2005): Maybe she is... Maybe you are...
Yeah, maybe. It doesn't matter. As you say, Mariah, staying her friend is the main thing, because she is so cool.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2005): Maybe she is just being friendly with you, considering that she is new to the job and intends to get along with many people. Maybe you are misreading into the friendship ...
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2005): Thanks for the replies. You're absolutely right - I've known it all along, but in a perverse way, it's been easier to give in the intense feelings, however painful/enjoyable, which I know is totally indulgent and selfish, especially as the risk of things getting out of hand and causing the other person undue pressure and discomfort is ever-present. Like I said, I desperately don't want this to happen, and I hope and pray it hasn't already.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2005): I've just been through the exact situation, except that I am a female.
At the time, I felt similar tension being built and built as you are going through, yet had to struggle by myself to figure out how not to act upon it. It's tough, man. But you can do it. And I am so glad that I took the time (and the pain) to gain control of the situation before it got spinned out of hand. Guess what - despite all the crush on this guy, on a magical day, I suddenly had a different perspective on the person and learnt that I had already outgrown by him and by the situation.
Hang on there, and good luck.
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A
female
reader, MissMariah1984 +, writes (31 October 2005):
From a girl's perspective.... it is really easy for us to flirt with a guy and even possible be attracted to others when we have a boyfriend, but very rarely will we act on it if we are involved. My advice is to just stay her friend and get over her. Maybe one day down the road if her and her boyfriend break up then you could be there, but otherwise just move on because nothing good can come out of it right now good luck xoxoxo Mariah
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2005): Get it clear in your own mind that nothing is going to happen. You cant win in this situation, trust me ive been there. If she does start to 'warm' to you however great that will feel at the time, later on you will be asking yourself 'if she could like me when she was with that other man, what is she really thinking about me now'. Its a mess. Best advice from me is forget about it or get another job.
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