A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:One of my co workers gave me a ride home one time. On our way there, my neighbor called me and said they were having a party in our building and to come join them. So I asked my co worker if he wanted to join the party and he said yes. I was just being friendly, nothing more. So I invited him in and we went to hang with my neighbors. Everyone was drinking and having a great time. It got late and my co worker said he'd had alot to drink and asked if he could crash at my place. It was awkward and I didnt want him to, period, but in addition I have a single room at the moment, no couch for him to crash, just a bed. But I felt bad as he claimed he was drunk and said he just needed to sleep it off for a few hours and had to leave at 6 am. So I said okay, thought it was harmless and I let him in my apt and went back to hang with my neighbors. Around 5 am, I was exhausted and wanted to sleep and knew he had to leave by six so I went back to my room and found him laying in the dead center of my bed. (I have a huge bed). And he was awake. So I asked him if he needed to leave, hinting that its probably time for him to go. He replied he didnt need to leave till six. I was so annoyed. So I asked him if he could move over because I needed to sleep. He moved over about an inch and I layed down on the corner of my bed almost falling off cause this idiot would not move over or leave. As uncomfortable as I was I passed out within seconds only to wake up a few minutes later to this douchebag trying to spoon me and kissing my face. I was horrified and shot straight out of bed and went to my neighbors house. I just wanted to get away from him. At 6 am I went back to my room and he was STILL there pretending to sleep. I woke him up, told him it was time to go and he left. Ever since then he disgusts me. I dont know how many times Ive shared a bed with guys (camping, group of friends) and no guy has ever dared molest me in my sleep. Whenever I see him at work I dont talk to him, I dont look at him, nothing. He makes me cringe. Other co workers have asked me whats wrong because when I started ignoring him he started blabbing to everybody that I am being a bitch to him. Im not being a bitch, Im civil, I just dont want to be his friend and have nothing to say to him. Furthermore, dont want to bring outside "drama" into my workplace, so it annoys me even more that he is telling my co workers that Im no longer nice to him. They tell me he really wants to be my friend, blah blah. He's upset that you dont talk to him/are friendly with him. Ive never told them what happened. I never want to associate with him again. He's a creep. I cant even bring myself to look at him. What should I do? As he is my co worker and I have to talk to him every now and then. I want to keep it at a co worker level, nothing more. But this kid wants to like be my "friend" and I cant stand him. He cant take a hint. And everytime I have to talk to him, work related stuff I get the impression he sees it as a pass at him or me being friendly again to him, which Im not, its never going to happen. What should I do?
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (21 May 2013):
 I think the best thing you can do is be patient, keep doing what you're doing and let time do the rest.
People see that you've been professional and mature with him and he's been emotional and vocal. It's not going to take them long to figure out, if they haven't already, that his advance was spurned. And if you're classy now, it will be easier for them to assume you were classy then and suspect he is to blame.
In future though, be very direct with men. When he asked if he could spend the night at your place, you could have said 'As long as you're fine with the couch and you're out by 5am'. You can be graceful, but don't be polite to the point that it intrudes upon your personal boundaries. Men will assume you either fancy them or you're a pushover. Friendly but firm.
A man who knows exactly where he stands with you from the start is less likely to try and take liberties later.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2013): Thank you for the responses, everybody. If he wasnt my co worker I would gladly tell him off followed by a solid, f*** you!
But not only do I not want to engage in that behavior at my workplace, but the guy is not a very rational person and ever since I gave him the cold shoulder has been getting other co workers involved and running his mouth about me...in my opinion, he's probably nervous and defensive. Pretty much an admission of guilt. Meanwhile I haven't said a word about him or to him.
I would confront him to tell him I was offended but I feel thats not something I should have to explain and I fear he might take it as me squashing the whole thing, which is never going to happen. Or a way for him to open the conversation up as he can't take a hint and just back off and let it be and get over it and just accept the bridge is burnt. Or make him angrier in which case he'll start running his mouth even more.
We were at my other co workers birthday party a few weeks ago, I had to go, and he was there. He tried to buy me shots, I politely said, no thanks, and he had my other co worker try to talk to me about being friends with him again. He just doesnt get it.
I agree with you guys, Im just going to continue to ignore him, be civil at work, and nothing more.
Thank you very much for all your responses.
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A
female
reader, maisy1  +, writes (20 May 2013):
Hi there OpYes i agree completely that tiis guy was a creep but i also agree that you made mistakes out of naivity. If this guy for whatever reason got into your bed then you should have ordered him out before joining him. Lying next to him on the bed clearly made him THINK you had given him the green light. Sadly some men completely lack social skills and can behave in very weird ways. When drunk his perceptions and awareness is distorted. If he only moved an inch to give you room to just about get on the bed right up close to him then i think you should have seen that he clearly wanted more than just sleep. Some men think that a lack of a clear No is a Yes! Going to sleep with him right next to you like that and assuming he was going to behave was a little naive im sorry. Yes hes a creep, yes he took advantage and yes he is a jerk but sometimes we need to recognise the signs and protect ourselves.
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A
female
reader, largentsgirl89 +, writes (20 May 2013):
 He misinterpreted all of your "signals' and he is a creep. I would tell him straight out that he made you uncomfortable, he basically molested you while you were sleeping and you don't want any contact with him further.
At work, depending on how close you have to work with him, consider talking to your boss. Tell them you have personal issues with him and see if they can schedule you to work different shifts. If not, then be civil at work and only talk to him when it is work related. Nothing more.
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A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (20 May 2013):
 This guy has no game. Im laughing at him. Idiot. You are right. If I were you Id be direct to him outside of work about how offended you are. Be direct with them n stop with these hints cos men like him wont pick up on them and also he is aggressive. He needs a clear 'f### off' sign from u or he will get nasty with u.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2013): Im the OP. And I completely disagree with you, "reader anonymous." I was ASLEEP. There was no concensual anything, there was no green light. I was sleeping. If he thought for a second that I was interested in him, and wanted to seduce me, don't you think he would've tried something while I was awake and alert? Cause he didnt. If he thought he had this green light, don't you think he would've been honest about wanting to spend the night with me as opposed to making up some lame excuse? He didn't because there was no green light, no consent, no anything. Thats why he waited till I was asleep. The guy is a creep. I've told all my guy friends about this and not only were they shocked but they each said no matter the circumstance, they would never do that to a girl while she was sleeping. Unless its their girlfriend, of course. Otherwise, that's just plain creepy. I didnt ask for a lecture on what I did wrong. Perhaps it was naive but whats done is done. And I firmly believe he was entirely in the wrong. You dont do that. My mind is made up, I cant stand the guy. And fortunately all my friends back me on this one. I just don't know how to deal with him at work.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2013): Aww man that sounds like an awkward situation! Hard as it may be, what I'd do is have a chat with him about why you're being a bit off with him (justifiedly so I must add). Just explain that his antics have made you uncomfortable, and that you're disappointed that he did that to you.
I think telling him is your best bet tbh, good luck :)
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A
female
reader, Atsweet1 +, writes (19 May 2013):
 Is it ever so possible to mention you not interested at all. Most would take the hint and move on. Im sure he can handle rejection. If he is just being friendly that's not the same as try ing to hook up.
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