A
male
age
,
*ommy7
writes:I am a sedate older guy and I like to date young girls (not under 18 young). My children (also over 18) always harrass me and my girlfriend saving I am perverted. My girlfriend and I get along well. We go out and on road trips every few months. I think they are just jealous because I don't always give them all the money they ask for. They go nuts if I buy my girlfriend clothes or jewlry. They saw it disrespects their mom (deceased). Should I sacrafice my happiness because of what my kids think? P.S. I paid for their college educations and they have good jobs.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2007): This sounds a lot like the situation I am in with my father right now. He is dating a girl only a few years older than me. I'm not comfortable with it at all, I can't explain it. There is just something wrong with having your father date someone who could be your sister. I have close friends older than her. My dad thinks I am being prejudice and that I don't want him to be happy. And he thinks I'm jealous of everything he does for her. I have to admit that it hurts when he does/buys things for her that he never does for me or my siblings anymore, but me not wanting him to be happy isn't the case at all. You have to understand that your kids want you to be happy, and aren't jealous. There is just something about having your father date younger women that crosses a line.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2007): Speaking as a girl whose father is doing this exact thing right now, I can say that seeing your father date someone your own age crosses some kind of boundary. It feels creepy and weird and gross, in a really Freudian/Oedipal way I can't explain. Also, I'm not sure what paying for their college educations has to do with it. Do you think they owe you something for this? In any case, it only underscores the fact that you, their dad, who does dad-like things like make sure they get through college and have good careers, is doing something outside the norm, like dating someone their age. And that's bound to make them uncomfortable. Anyway, I would sit down and have an open conversation about their fears and feelings in all this, and explain to them your motivations and feelings as truthfully as possible in response.Good luck with it all.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2007): Ignore the people who just don't get this, and never will. Ignore your kids. Ignore the people who think you have to date someone your own age, or "your limit should be this or that."
Ignore the people who say "I don't understand what you would even have in common with a girl your children's age?" They already say they don't understand, so ignore them. Why do you even have to have ANYTHING in common. Where's the fun in that? The relationship would be over in a day.
Go out with people who are completely different from you. You're doing things you would never do with someone your own age. ENJOY!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2007): Maybe she knows it is an affectionate and not a demeaning label. 32...she totally knows what she is getting into.
It's amazing how many people were so quick to jump the gun and run with their assumptions...and we know what they say about assumptions.
You both know what you are doing...
Best Wishes.
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A
male
reader, Tommy7 +, writes (7 September 2007):
Tommy7 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI used the age 18 in my question just to say I'm not looking for underage babies. My only girlfriend since my wife died is 32 which is the age of my oldest daughter. I suppose my age shows in my calling the woman I'm dating a girl. If she's offended she has been too polite to mention it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2007): Well...many people, especially women, think that older men dating younger women is immoral. It makes you look like a shallow pervert (no matter what the girl's character/personality is like) and it makes the girl look like a bimbo gold digger. Now that may not be true for either of you...but the situation is still creepy. I'm not even close to my father at all but if he started dating one of my peers I'd be dissappointed with him. Of course, you're only a human male so you're going to have sex with the hottest thing that comes your way... that's no excuse but people seem to think it is.
Anyway, you're going to date whomever you want. You're an adult and your girlfriend is an adult so that's really just your choice. I think you should take your children's concerns into mind...what exactly are they most worried/annoyed about? If it's just about their mother, then you'll have to explain to them that you respect their mother but she's gone. If it's something like an estate/will, then you must assure them that this girlfriend is not getting all the money. That's pretty much a legitimate concern on their part, especially if they think this woman is a gold digger (and she might be!) Mostly, you'll have to have a serious discussion with your children and figure out what their concerns are. Be respectful and hear them out and try to put yourself in their situation.
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A
female
reader, penta +, writes (6 September 2007):
 I like Frank's answer. Make sure your will states that your kids get your estate. Make sure your kids are aware of it. Also set up medical power of attorney as one of your very close friends, so that your kids and your girl are protected from each other if you become incapable of making those decisions. Then enjoy your life.
I've always thought that women who date a man for money work damn hard at it -- they have to keep him happy. So if your girl IS a gold-digger, as long as the estate is protected and they're making you happy, so what?
I can understand being creeped out by being older than dad's girlfriend. But that is really not your problem. You can tell your children that they're protected and you're happy and the rest simply isn't their business.
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A
female
reader, Gemini1506  +, writes (6 September 2007):
Think of your children. Your dating people there age. If you was my dad i would think that you've always liked people my age (as in when i'm five you like five year olds) thats just my opinion. I dont think anything is really wrong with it when both parties consent to it.I know your children are older but you dont ever stop being their father so put them first at least for this things. Why dont you try someone your own age. She may have a tight vagina too (only joking)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2007): You are a pervert if 18 is your lower limit. They are just children. At your age your lower limit should be late thirties I think. They want presents you want sex with teens YUCK get a real relationship and show your children that you can be a good role model. Buy what you want it's not your childrens money but are you being used (and do you care) Your ego and self esteem have problems I would expect.
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A
male
reader, Tommy7 +, writes (6 September 2007):
Tommy7 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe clothes and jewelry I buy for my girfriend is not expensive. An amusement park t shirt and a museum t shirt with a meercat on it. Also a Colts pleated skirt and a CZ necklace with a horseshoe shape. For Christmas I gave her a leather winter coat. Now we are drinking green tea and watching all the TV episodes of Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2007): Well if he is dating younger WOMEN and not GIRLS...then I say that the younger women is an accoutable adult and lay off the dude.
They both made the choice to be with one another and how is it the dude's daughters can't give her the repsect and consideration that she is a person who makes her own choices? I am sure they would demand that themselves?
Perhaps it's jealously and a sense of entitlement that has inflated his daughters' egoes.]
Perhaps it is they are used to Dad's undivided attention (us women DESIRE AND NEED THIS) and now that the new GF is in the picture; they may be feeling second fiddle. It's a valid concern. Children need to REMAIN a top proirity.
They may be unhappy (it's a choice they are making and commiting to) and may not like his decision but it's HIS decision. They had their input.
Dad, reassure them that you love them and that you are not choosing her over them and that mindset is unfair to you all.
I say don't expect them to be the best of friends but involve them- I THINK THAT IS THE REAL ISSUE.
They don't feel involved.
Dad you set the tone of all communication and the outcome.
A I'm sorry you feel this way and sincerely ask them what they think is best for you and who (what kind of woman -age is a limitation...character is everything) they would like to see you dating.
Best of Wishes.
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (6 September 2007):
 You say: They saw it disrespects their mom (deceased).
If this is the reason, and I think it is, then no woman that makes you happy will ever be good enough for them. I suggest that you put your will in place to make sure that none of your girlfriends screw around with the inheritance or family herlums that you want to go to your children. That is a legit concern on their part.
That being said, they are adults, not teenagers, and you are an adult, the girls you date are adults. Tell them to mind their own business, and enjoy your life.
-Frank B Kermit
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A
female
reader, AylaJ +, writes (6 September 2007):
Just because you paid for that you think they owe you something?? Maybe they can repay you by letting you act like a foolish old man.When you have children you are responsible for paying for their things not a girl just above 18. She isn't your daughter REMEMBER THAT.Love your children don't resent them. If you weren't willing to sacrafice for them you shouldn't have had them. Running around with a young girl who makes you pay for things is a joke on you. I'm 22 and I would NEVER let any older man I had genuine interest in buy me clothing... you're being used and they are trying to protect you.
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A
male
reader, Jamer70 +, writes (5 September 2007):
 well i understand why your kids are crepped out as your dating someone similar to their age. BUT on the other hand your an adult male who is single and you have every right to date someone (over 18!) and do what your like, as its your life not your kids. They will have to act their age and be happy their father is moving on and finding love again. Sorry about your wife dying but i doubt she would want you to be single forever.
Be happy we all deserve it. Tell your kids its your life and you can date whom ever you wish regardless of age.
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A
male
reader, Jamer70 +, writes (5 September 2007):
well i understand why your kids are crepped out as your dating someone similar to their age. BUT on the other hand your an adult male who is single and you have every right to date someone (over 18!) and do what your like, as its your life not your kids. They will have to act their age and be happy their father is moving on and finding love again. Sorry about your wife dying but i doubt she would want you to be single forever.
Be happy we all deserve it. Tell your kids its your life and you can date whom ever you wish regardless of age.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2007): I am sure that gals your age would pay thier share more likely than a girl 1/2 your age would. Well, what can we say...you are going to do what you want to do. So why did you ask our opinions? All I was saying is that the kids probably think it is creepy, I know I would if it were my father. That's all I can tell you.
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A
male
reader, Tommy7 +, writes (5 September 2007):
Tommy7 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt's not like I'm dating a bunch of young girls. Just one and we seem to click just because we are so different. We do much different things than either of us would do if we were with someone our own age. I take her fishing on a party boat, to museums and to a beach front cottage just to read a book. She take me to amusement parks and outdoor concerts with loud music. She has a job so she is not a freeloader and always wants to pay her share (something gals my age would ever think of doing).
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2007): It is your life and just what does it have to do with them, just so long as you are not going out with under age girls then get on with it and enjoy your life. It has nothing to do with them if you buy them a gift. You have paid for them to go through college and stuff, so let them get on with their lives and you get on with yours. Don't be so open and honest with them and tell them nothing. Enjoy life! Take care
xx
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2007): It is a bit werid and you are a bit of an pervert! what's wrong with dating women your own age? your wasting the younger women lifes
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2007): Well, they probably just feel that this is creepy, you dating women their own age. I would too. I would be really uncomfortable with it. Why don't you like any older women? Even a woman in her early 40's? I don't understand what you would even have in common with a girl your children's age?
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