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female
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*adjelli
writes: I have just cheated on my partner with a guy that I have kinda known for nearly 2 years. I am now in the process of breaking it off with my partner because the attraction with the other guy is like fireworks going off! Even though the other guy has just told me he has decided to see somone else I am still breaking up with my long-term partner (haven't told him I cheated, that would be too much for him). The attraction to the other guy is like nothing I have ever felt before. The first time we set eyes on each other it was like we could hear what each other was thinking and the sex was amazing, neither of us a shy so it seemed like a perfect match. As it turns out the other guy was just testing the waters with me and has decided to go with another girl. Of course I am gutted but hoping in time things will work out to my advantage. I'm guessing that because I am so gutted about being dumped that I obviously don't love my long-term partner, otherwise I wouldn't be so unhappy about being dumped? My long-term partner is so unmotivated and prone to depression that is why I have acted the way I have. I know he loves me but I am a very energetic and upbeat person and he just brings me down a whole lot. I know I am hurting him by breaking up but what else can I do? I have suggested a short term break for now but ultimately I can see that it really is over, I just can't bring myself to tell him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2005): I completly agree with the first comment,you have been very insensitive to the man you claim to have loved,you've been selfish and basically acted like a slut! And as for the other man do you realy think he cared about you or how great you got on - no don't be so naive men will say anything to get into a girls pants ,if you want someone with common interest then he'll be your man(obviously).The sex however would be great i'm sure you thought the same thing when you first met your current boyfriend.Break it off and let him find someone better especially someone who doesn't cheat and will be mor sensitive to how he feels.
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reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (12 October 2005):
 I wonder how you think things may turn out to your advantage? You cheated on your partner with a man who simply used you for sex. Even if this man did decide to be with you after all and not with his chosen girl, how would be able to trust him and feel secure knowing he wanted you for you?
You have made excuses for your actions; almost blaming your partner for your infidelity by saying that his lack of motivation contributed to you doing it.
Why haven't you either a) Tried to work things out with your partner, saw a counsellor together, got him to receive help for his depression or b) broken it off with him and admittedly hurt him but rather than cheating on him and causing him more pain by stringing him along indefinitely?
You say he loves you but you seem to lack respect and love for him. I would suggest you break it off with him and be honest with him and yourself. If you aren't prepared to help him feel better, why damage him even more by having a temporary break which you know is really the ultimate break?
Think of him and the fact that while you believe he brings you down, your actions would bring down even the most positive person.
I'm sorry to be harsh but really think of him and not yourself.
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A
female
reader, Stewart Terrace +, writes (12 October 2005):
It is hard to let go but if you are feeling down with your long term partner there must be something not right enjoy life to the full take care
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A
female
reader, wishes +, writes (12 October 2005):
 As hard as it will be to tell him that its over you know that you have to. You are right that the feelings you have for this other man prove to you that you shouldnt be with your current partner. You should surround yourself by positive people that enjoy life, not negative people. Understand and be patient with your partner, but do not lead him on to something that will not happen. This will be a long and trying break up. You need to be honest with him and with yourself. Best wishesx
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