A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Please could somebody help with with this issue...My neighbour downstairs is a busy body(i live in a block of flats, i'm top floor) she thinks she rules the block and orders everybody around. She cornered me as soon as I moved in with a set of rules 'don't flush the toilet through the night, don't slam doors, don't make too much noise on the stairs etc). I was nice and polite, though I thought it was rude.However, she called my landlord last week and told my landlord I have been having noisy sex as she can hear the bed springs going!! She also told my landlord that I had people over that night and all she could hear was talking really loudly.Both of these things are completely UNTRUE! Needless to say I am livid. I have a serious medical condition which means I cannot get physical with my partner and I did not have people over that night.Can somebody please advise me, is this defamation of character and is there anything I can do about this? I cannot talk to this woman as I am so angry I could scream. I have decided to keep a wide berth from this crude filthy slut as She seems intent on causing trouble.My landlord thankfully has laughed it off and says the woman just wants me out of here as she is used to not having anybody live here.Any advice is greatly appreciated.
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (20 April 2015):
 Having GREAT noisy sex is not disgusting - someone LYING about you in hopes of getting you in trouble? NOW that is disgusting.
Chin up and do something this lady can't - ENJOYING life.
Maybe KINDNESS is the way to go, from my experience bullies don't know how to handle kindness. It creeps them out. So maybe... Smother her in it?
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (20 April 2015):
 Personally if it was me I'd get up every hour all night long and go get a drink and go potty. Then I'd jump up and down on the bed for about 6 minutes while moaning.
when I see her I'd smile and say 'good morning how are you today" and when going to the store I would knock on her door and say "I'm heading to the store do you need anything???" with a big huge smile... confuse the heck out of her.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2015): Know what you do?Have a great big smile on your face every time you see her!Always be happy and laughing and smiling and do not allow her to affect you! This is what she is trying to do!The best revenge as they say is LIVING WELL and BEING HAPPY.Nothing drives people like her more insane!At the end of the day, she is powerless. And she knows it. So do you.Don't ever give her your power by succumbing to her bullying and intimidation tactics!Remember, she is looking for a reaction from you! She will see her crap is working and she will continue to do so as long as you respond! Well, DON'T!!! Cut her off. She doesn't exist.IGNORE HER and whenever you see her, smile and act as if you don't give a fvck. Period. Do not give her the time of day. And if you must, keep it short, sweet and off you go.Or another tactic: Treat her like she is your friend. I am not saying invite her to your place for dinner! Lol But be friendly. (fake of course) I have found with my experience with people that the more you are kind and unaffected around them, the more they leave you alone. Keep shooting sugar at her. Enough so that she will need a sugar withdrawal! She will get the point by your behaviour that her bullshit does not have any impact on you and move onto someone or something else.People like her have a lot of problems of their own and are generally unhappy with themselves and their own lives and take out that anger and unhappiness on other people.Good luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2015): Hi all, thankyou for all replies.
I fully intend go stand my ground the next time I see her and I will not go out of my way to be extra quiet anymore. I have decided she has had the nice side of me, now she can discover the not so nice side.
It's really made me angry this 'noisy sex' business as I am a pleasant person and do not make any trouble of any sort yet she feels it is okay to spread such disgusting rumours about me.
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (19 April 2015):
 Treble.
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums +, writes (19 April 2015):
(The two Doberman Pinchers attacked and bit my daughter...)
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums +, writes (19 April 2015):
I have had one bad neighbour in every place that I have ever lived in. Just be thankful that you are on the top floor and not her!!! My daughter and her new condo are exactly in same that position; she lives under the dancing elephant who complains about her "cooking smells" and "noisy air conditioner" (which she doesn't have!). She's thankful it's not her last apartment, where she had to get the two Doberman Pinchers and their owner evicted.
I think that I would ask the landlord for immediate notification and clarification of every incident to be sure that it's not your infraction. I'd put down a carpet if the floors are wood too.
After that; I'd go to Toys'R'us and buy a basketball and a net for the times when she is annoying you. Or tap shoes. And don't forget, the best defence is a good offence, because it's all about that bass, bout that bass, no tremble!!! 3:-)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2015): She sounds an unhappy woman if she has to do all this. Has she any friends?
Two possible approaches.
One is to just ignore her, don't get caught up in any arguments.
The other is to befriend her. Do something nice or give her something small but nice. This may take the wind out of her sails. This was suggested to me once, regarding someone I really didn't like. When I later took the advice, it worked. Some people change completely when someone is nice to them.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2015): You can't force her to move, and complaining to the landlord hasn't helped you much. Her motive is to annoy you until YOU move. It probably worked on the previous tenant.
Sometimes you have to stand your ground, and not let the other person get a rise out of you. The landlord does have some responsibility in maintaining the peace and keeping order among the tenants. It may be funny to him, but it's not to you.
You do have to have some backbone and stand-up to her.
Simply tell her you would appreciate if she'd mind her own business, and try to get along. You have no intention of moving. You will flush your toilet when you please, use your stairs when necessary; and if she doesn't care to hear anything, stuff something in her ears. You will be as quiet as it is humanly possible; but you will not tolerate being bullied by her either. You have to stand-up to bullies, if you want them off your back.
You only need to face-up to this woman but one good time. Otherwise; it will be a feud that will force you to move, being that you are the less aggressive of the two of you.
Your passive-aggressive handling of the situation has let her know she can rule over you. Sometimes you have to be assertive; no matter how uncomfortable you feel about it. You have a right to protect your turf. You can feel indignant; but unless you show her some fortitude, she'll walk all over you.
From that one-time face-off; ignore her as best you can. You truly do have to get a few things off your chest, and give her a piece of your mind. You'll feel all the better for it, and she'll realize you're a force to be reckoned with. There are times when being prim and proper will only make you feel like a doormat. No one says you have to stoop to her ignorant level; but you do have to make her "smell her own stench;" as my grandmother used to put it.
Unless she publicizes scandalous lies about you and clearly identifies you as the subject of that scandal; you're simply dealing with an obnoxious gossipy neighbor. Even the police will recommend that you grow some nuggets and deal with it. Aside from breaking the law yourself, that is.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (19 April 2015):
If your landlord knows she is a crackpot I'd go with the ignoring OR if you have the chops.. CONFRONT her. and let her know if you hear of more false accusations, you WILL consult legal advice.
I would ADVICE not screaming at her IF you do confront her, you NEED to do it being CALM and COLLECTED and have someone else present. THAT was she can't accuse you or threatening her or whatever BS this nutty lady wants to cook up.
Keeping a wide berth seems the best way to go for now, actually.
And here is my thing. NO ONE tells me what time of day or night I can go to the bathroom. And NO ONE can tell me NOT to flush at night if I had to go pee.. WTF?!
SHE doesn't MAKE any rules. SHE isn't the landlord. SHE is like you a TENANT, so SHE has to LIVE by the same rules as anyone else.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (19 April 2015):
 Ignore her. Completely. Pretend she is air. Dont look at her, dont talk to her, just walk by her without acknowledging her. Ignore her. That will be enough. Your landlord knows she's crazy, let him deal with her.
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