A
female
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anonymous
writes:My brother's wife gave birth for the 1st time 2 weeks ago, she had lots of help from my mummy and I like doing the shopping or tidy her house b4 she came back from hospital, my parents are wealthy and try to help them anytime, my mom invites them for eating and sends them prepared food,helps with the ironing and so on, but the girl is quite rude to her sometime and lf my brother to tell us not to visit the baby for a while, my mom is sad as she was willing to see the baby, my other sister's daughter(9yrs old) was very sad as she wanted to see her new born cousin, my brother's wife only wants her family around and is always givin them money or presents, my mum feels quite upset and depressed as she likes visitin the baby and helping, she is always polite to them and she likes saving up and helping others doing so despite she's quite wealthy and my brother's wife's family is opposite to this. My brother notice my mom got sad about not visiting the baby and invited her to go anytime but things are tight now and we all used to take on real well until his wife starting to do thing like this, she didnt go to my granddad's funeral or to my mother country house summer party arguin she was ill but went to another party the following day, I love my mum and brother but things are geting difficult, any tips to help it improving?
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your advise, my sister and I together with my father are very worried about my mon getting a depression out of this as she recently lost her parents, she was an only child and took care of them both, and all her values are based on a good family relationship as she has always been a housewife and married when she was 19 and now she's 59 and all she cares is her family and most of it the new members as she has a lot of experience and It gets me sad how this girl is entering the famil trying to turn her down this way we are trying to make our mom see this girl'r mannerrs are not good and that we all know our mom is right but that to do it up for our brother's and the baby's sake is the best, I also took her shopping and told her to go on with her painting classes so that she gets into more things rather than focussin on the same shit all time and its working little by little, my gandma's sister also told her cousins to phone and visit so she's gettin ok as she felt a bit lonely sometime as my father's interests reduce to our country house and so on, thanks a lot for your advise I told her about your ideas and she found them very interesting and cool she got very cheered up
love from Spain
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2007): Your Mother seems to be holding up well, in spite of her hurt feelings, dear. She sounds like a gracious, kind woman who has a lot to offer in the way of help. She is doing what most enthusiastic, new Grandmothers would do. She's excited and wants to be a part of this whole 'new baby' process and celebration.. But..your sister in law needs time to adjust to the big job of becoming a new Mother. Your brother and his new family need privacy and space. Tell your Mother to give them some breathing room and to stay in contact via phone, once per week and to offer her help if needed, as she has done.. Your sister in law is getting help from her family, and this is just the way it is. She's called on the people she knows and trusts..her own family. This does not have to be a big competition with your family and hers. This is what causes pain and family disunity between two 'factions'. The only way to help this situation improve, is to accept that your brother's wife doesn't need attention and help. She has that already from her family and this is very, very common. This child will grow, nurture and develop with the bounty of love, from the two families and two doting Grandmothers. Your family will see the baby, but your brother's wife is the Mother, and she's an amazing strong force in how this child will be raised . The best your Mom can do, is to keep her relationship with her daughter in law...strong and close. Your Mother is the older, wiser, more gracious person here. Tell her to use her well-earned wisdom, to step aside temporarily and know...her time will come where she will be called upon to help. Family is dear and precious..don't allow this to turn two families upside down. The new baby doesn't need that. I wish you all well...and just make the best of this.
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A
female
reader, LoveOnlyOnce +, writes (19 January 2007):
 hi there, ITs funny that your story sounds so much like my sister-inlaw.. she is the most evil and cunning person you could ever met, you have to be on her terms to speak to her and she has her off days, its like she has two personalities... & funny enough, she is a kindergarten teacher!!!
MY ADVICE would be, tell her the truth, tell her that she is no better than anyone, even if she has had a baby and that her attitude will not be tolerated... if that doestnt work, I had to admitt, you might have to tolerate it cause it seems like what ever you do will not fix it!!!..
GOOD LUCK :-)
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female
reader, cd206  +, writes (19 January 2007):
 Your brother's wife just wants some time alone with her new baby and husband although she is being quite rude to your mother. Perhaps she has post natal depression and is finding it hard to cope. Talk to your brother and tell him that you understand that they need their own space at the moment but to make some time for your mother to visit once a week. It should be an alright compromise for everyone.
CD
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2007): hmm, it seems a bit tough to analyse your brother's wife's attitude towards your family. The only thing i can possibly think of is that the help your family is giving her during this time is giving her the possible impression that people think she cannot raise her child properly without the assistance of other family members. I am sure this is not your family's aim yet could it be interpreted this way to her?
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female
reader, Darlene  +, writes (19 January 2007):
 well it sounds like your brothers wife is very selfish.
it sounds like she missed out on something growing up
MONEY.she seems to think now she is suppose to act like
she is better than others.maybe that's how she was treated.
maybe she is showing off for family if they don't have money.by giving them presents and money trying to buy
their love.maybe your mom should stop being so helpful.
you sister-in-law may feel threatened.she might think your mom thinks she can't take care of her son like she can.
let her take care of her own house.just be a living mother,mother-in-law,and grandmother.maybe she will come
around i did.i once had a very helpful mother-in-law.once
she realized i could take care of my little family we actually became friends.i hope this helps.
good luck
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