A
male
age
30-35,
*jjMaster
writes:So here's my dilemma. I have fallen for my brother's ex-girlfriend. I am a 24-year-old male who has not really experienced a lot of romance in my life up to this point. However, I have never felt this way about a woman in my life and I feel terrible because of it. It started as a nothing, actually she was my sisters best friend, who dated my brother briefly while she was in high school, and to be honest I actually found her quite annoying. Fast forward 6 years and this annoyance turned into a small crush and the more I am around her the more intense these feelings get. When I am with her I light up and don't want to be anywhere else, and when I not I can't seem to get her out of my head. I know the rule, don't date anyone your brother has dated before. I guess I just wanted to vent my feelings to something, seeing how I cannot do it to her. I feel like a shitty older brother, but I cant seem to shake her. Its been over 2 years. Help me shake this crush!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2016): If she and your brother dated years ago, when they were kids, and haven't had feelings for each other since then and don't really even interact with each other anymore, then I fail to see why you can't pursue this. Your brother doesn't own her, he doesn't get to claim her because he dated her briefly.There is no such thing as a bro code, unless she is already dating a family member of yours, or a friend. Once broken up, any person is fair game.
A
male
reader, Denizen  +, writes (12 August 2016):
 I honestly didn't know about this rule. Is there a book I can look them up in? I have gone through life not knowing these rules. How have I managed so far?
You say:'I have never felt this way about a woman in my life'. Well, I say stick the rule book in the bin, and go get her.
You don't have to live with your brother. But if she is the one then nothing else matters. How are you going to feel years down the line if you don't take the chance.
Don't make it a secret. She isn't with your brother so apparently they decided they aren't a good fit. Be open with him about it. He might not even give a tinker's cuss.
Now from where can I get a copy of these rules?
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A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (12 August 2016):
Total and severe violation of the Dude Code.
Exs of friends and family are forever off limits. Women are a dime a dozen. Friends and family are not.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2016): Blood is thicker than water. I think there's enough eligible and available females out there in the outer-realm, that you don't have to fish from your porch. Spare your brother's feelings and date someone he's never dated. Be a good brother.
If you feel like you're being a dick, you are.
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A
female
reader, Amouramour +, writes (11 August 2016):
There are over 7,000,000,000 on this planet...So I wouldn't go there. It's really not wise.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (11 August 2016):
 Don't find yourself in situations that you two will be together, it's really not worth falling out with your brother over if he finds out.
The less you see her, the feelings will become less intense, it may feel shitty at first but the feelings will die out.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (11 August 2016):
 She dated your brother "briefly" in high school. That does not mean he owns her for the rest of his/her/your life. It doesn't sound like she was the love of his life or anything. It wasn't even recent.
If you really like this girl, have a feel for how the land lies and see if you have any chance with her. If you feel you might have a chance, speak to your brother and tell him your plans so that you are not sneaking around behind his back. You have nothing to be ashamed of.
Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2016): Youre older now I assume? Why is it wrong to pursue the crush? You just said your brother dated her back in high school (any high school relationship is just a small teeny relationship that amounts to nothing). Sweetheart, the world gets better and bigger when you leave school.
Im assuming you both have grown up quite a bit and are in your 20s now. Nothing should be stopping you unless your brother disapproves then have a talk with him. If youre older and wiser, and the attraction is genuine, go for it.
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