A
male
 ,
anonymous
writes:My brother was married 10 years until he found out his wife had an affair. To be honest he was always at work (reason for affair probably) more than with his wife. But it still came as a big shock to him with her filing the divorce. Since then he has become depressed, ant-social and he told me he hates women. He won't see my mum or my younger sister (he's the oldest) and I can't visit him with my wife otherwise it can be awkward with him shouting.It's now come to the point where he won't even see his toddler daugther. Even more so when she keeps asking me "when's daddy coming back".Can anyone help? I want him to get still love his daughter at least and get his life back on track.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2006):
I get the feeling (guessing!) that your family is kind of rushing him through this suggesting that he should be moving on and snap back. He is still in the "anger stage", let him be in anger for now.
And you should be more supportive of him. The marriage vows dont say "love, honor and obey as long as you are home by 6". He was working late in his role as family provider- thats not excuse for her to have an affair. I hope you havn't been giving him the impression that he is somehow to blame for this...
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2006): Adelaide give very good advice and I just wanted to add some comments, here. Dear, you brother is struggling with depression, pain, sorrow and has become a very bitter man. He needs counseling. Because he's been damaged emotionally, a good male counselor can make him understand that even though he's grieving, he's still responsible for the damage he does to others, especially his own family and most importantly, his innocent daughter. I am very concerned about her emotional well-being. His daughter is likely dealing with the pain of having her family ripped apart by the unthinking, selfish actions of her Mother. She needs her dad and he needs her support and love, more than anything right now. If he won't listen to you, call in some male family members to talk to him. But do it asap. This man needs help...I am sorry for what has happened to him and all of you. My heart goes out to all of you.
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A
female
reader, Adelaide +, writes (15 November 2006):
 Firstly, how lovely to read he has a family member who cares so much for him!!
My advice to you would be to write a letter to him, telling him how sorry your family and yourself are to learn of these recent events.
It is imperative for him to know that he has you to turn to for moral support.
Ultimately, his world has crumbled around him and he feels anger, resentment, dissapointment and the ultimate betrayal, so any spoken words to him right now will be falling on deaf ears he is deeply hurt.
let him know in no uncertain terms that you understand how he feels and that you are there for him to turn to.
It may take time for your letter to sink in, but I do beleive that this may be the breakthrough that will make him open up.
Hopefully it will enable him to let all this hurt out even if it is behind closed doors, he will have the reassurance that he has not been completely deserted.
I would not broach the subject about his daughter at this stage, However, once you have managed to open him up and you have listened to how he is really feeling only then can you make him aware of how much his daughter is hurting too!
He needs to be made aware that his daughter needs her daddy especially at a time like this- I beleive that if not immediatly she will be the strength he needs to pull him out of his despair.
I do hope that this helps, if you wish me to discuss this further please contact me I am willing to help further should he not respond.
Good Luck and stay strong for him- it will take time- but eventually he will come to you!!
Best Wishes and Kindest Regards
Adelaide
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