A
male
age
41-50,
*ldmanfullofmemories
writes:Okay, I'm not sure if this is the right place for this but here goes.I'm really needing some sound advice here because I really feel myself at the point of no return and I don't know what to do or want to fall out with anyone.My little brother lives with me and basically he's owe me money. We live together and everything is meant to be shared equally but I always pay the lions share. Then about a week ago he asked to actually borrow money. This isn't the first time but it was actually quite a large sum of money that he said he would pay back. Anyway he has a long distance relationship and his girlfriend is now here. She never does anything. Never contributes towards the bills and stays here for weeks on end sometimes months. I have been rather frustrated the last few days as he has been entertaining her taking her out for meals and going to the cinema. I have now asked him 4 times for the money he owes me as it has put me in a difficult situation and I he has basically ignored my requestsWhat should I do as I do not want to fall out but I can not see an alternative.
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female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (25 August 2018):
 You are treating your "little brother" like a child and he is loving it. Start treating him like you would any other adult. You are not doing him any favours by teaching him he can coast along in life and get others to pick up his bills. He is taking advantage of you and you know it.
In your shoes I would sit him down and tell him that, while you love him as a brother, you are not prepared to bankroll him going forward. Set some ground rules:
1. No more borrowing money.
2. Repay the money he owes.
3. All bills are split 50/50.
4. If his girlfriend stays, the bills are split 3 ways for the duration of her stay.
If he is not prepared or willing to abide by reasonable rules, then you need to show him some tough love and tell him to find alternative accommodation. He will soon discover he needs to pay his way. No need to fall out. Just stand your ground and say "This is how it is going to be, otherwise you have to find alternative lodgings."
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (24 August 2018):
 You just need to be brutally honest with him as he is taking advantage. Sit him down and tell him the trouble he has left you in. Come up with some arrangement and if he doesn't stick to it then it is time to find a new flat mate. Also tell him if his girlfriend is going to be staying that she needs to chip in as well as it is not a hotel.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2018): Ask his girlfriend to leave. Explain to her that she is creating an expense and financial-burden that your brother cannot handle. If she refuses, it is time you ask your brother to move-out. He's clearly taking advantage of you.
Don't expect to get the money back, short-of suing your brother. Which is unlikely, since he didn't sign any agreement to repay the money. Technically, it's a gift.
Verbal-agreements have no legal-legs. It's your word against his.
You took personal-risk by offering someone a large sum of money without a repayment-agreement. He has a history of bad money-management; and needed the money, because he is trying to maintain his girlfriend. You have seen the whole thing as events unfolded; yet gave him the money anyway. Now you want it back.
Put them out.
Don't lend money without a signed repayment-agreement. Get yourself a reliable roommate. If your brother didn't want to be homeless; he would honor the verbal-agreement he would pay you back.
He doesn't care, and obviously he puts her first.
Little-bro thinks you owe him something; because you're his older brother. You basically proved that by being so unwittingly generous. It's really not his fault you gave him more than you already knew he couldn't payback.
You can try and reason by suggesting a repayment-agreement; but getting him to comply is another post I can foresee coming in the future. Your leverage is giving him notice to find himself another place to live; and seriously interviewing potential roommates.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (23 August 2018):
 Sit him down and suggest a payment plan for him paying you back.
And IF he can not comply give him 3 weeks and then he is out of your home.
You can then look for a room mate who WILL pay the 1/2 rent etc.
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