A
female
age
30-35,
*FM94
writes:My ex and I broke up at the start of February after 5 years together. We shared a house, was talking about getting engaged and starting a family etc but I left. I realised I wanted to fulfill my dream of getting a degree which he didn't approve of. We wanted different things so it wasn't going to work.He took the break up badly. Kept ringing me to come back but I refused. Then suddenly he messaged me saying he was only pretending to be happy with me and that he wants us to both move on and hopefully one day be friends.I am however blocked on everything until he unblocked me on instagram and started posting photos of him and his new girlfriend! In our house, doing the things we planned to do. The girl is the girl he was messaging before when we had a slight break. I knew he would get with her as soon as we split up.I know I'm the one who left but I can't help feeling all this bitterness towards their relationship. It's nothing to do with me I know but it's kind of like they were both just waiting for me to get out of the picture. He wouldn't stop talking to my Mum about how he's taking her to America, the one place I always wanted to go. He's met all her family and vice versa. He even took her to the family christening that I was the plus one for.They look so happy on their photos and get so many likes on them and I can't help feeling like I despise them both. Even though I wouldn't get back with him. Why is this? How do I overcome this?
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female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (24 August 2018):
 You are both still living rent-free inside each other's heads. He is acting like a child who has had a toy taken away then goes and plays with other toys and waves them in your face to try to prove you have not upset him. You, on the other hand, feel you should have what you CHOSE to give up AND what you have planned, even though you know you made the right decision.
Surely you must realize he is going out of his way to make you see what you have "given up"? If I was his new girlfriend, I would be feeling very insecure and "used" at the moment, but she probably doesn't see that. Pity her rather than envying her. He is on the rebound and, once she has helped him get over YOU, he is likely to re-evaluate their relationship and realize he doesn't actually want to be with her and move on.
When a relationship breaks up, it is not only the other person we miss but also all the future we had planned with them. Often is it MORE about the plans and less about the person. This is perfectly natural.
You know you really do need to STOP LOOKING AT STUFF WHICH WILL UPSET YOU! You cannot stop him doing what he is doing or posting what he is posting. You CAN however stop looking. Also ask your mum NOT to tell you what he tells her. That goes for any friends who may be doing the same.
Concentrate on getting your degree which he was trying to hold you back from getting. Whenever you feel nostalgic for the future you had planned together, think about the future YOU have planned for YOURSELF and know it will be better than what you would have had with him. If he wanted to stop you improving yourself and doing something this important to you, then he would not have made you happy in the long run.
How about making plans to go to America in the future with friends? Just because you are not going with him does not mean you cannot go at all.
Good luck with your degree.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (24 August 2018):
 You block him on instagram and remember why you left in the first place. You cannot say they where both waiting until you where out off the picture because you are the one that ended things to chase your dreams, while its obvious he wants to have a girlfriend to share his life with. Block him and be done with it.
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A
male
reader, Billy Bathgate  +, writes (23 August 2018):
Stop looking at his photos. He’s pushing your buttons and he knows it. Block him and move on. That is what you said you wanted.
And just so you know I think you are well rid of him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2018): I'm going to quote one of my lady friends by saying: "It will stop hurting as soon as you stop beating yourself!"
He posts pictures of his new girlfriend for your benefit! Duh!
What do you do? Go stalking social media to see what he's up to; and then getting your feelings hurt, when you see what he's up to!!!
Come on! Seriously, girlfriend?!!
You should learned something from the fact he had a ready-backup when you broke-up.
Use his head-games to your own advantage. He's pissing you off! GOOD!
That makes you want to get-over him that much faster! He's going for your ego. Trying to embarrass and enrage you; to get even with you for rejecting him. Why is it working??? It's blatantly-obvious what he's doing!
Stop behaving like a child being teased! You can't get upset with what you can't see or hear!
You broke-up, went separate ways, and he blocked you. As he should have. That should have been the end of it.
Like my wise lady-friend says: "It will stop hurting as soon as YOU stop beating YOURSELF!"
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (23 August 2018):
 How do you get over it?
Well, for one STOP looking at ANY of his social media! Why BOTHER stalk his Instagram when it HURTS your feelings? Do you also pout salt and lemon juice in paper-cuts or other open wounds?
Common sense, OP - USE it.
Why is he talk to your mom still? Maybe you need to point out to her that she can be "friends" with him but that you don't WANT to hear his new plans with his new GF, NOTHING and that you would appreciate of she can RESPECT that you don't WANT to know ANYTHING.
As for them, well.. you KNOW how fake social media is. posting happy pictures is all well and good but I would honestly feel a little sorry for her, because he is TRYING to "change" her into being YOUR 2.0. You say they are doing all these things that YOU and HE talked about doing.. so this has nothing really to do with HER and what SHE might want... but him trying to recreate when YOU and HE talked about and planned.
And let's not forget maybe.... THEY are a better fit then YOU and HE was. It happens.
You need to focus on those hopes and dreams of yours. Get your degree, work hard, create the future career you want.
DO not give him (or her) so much power in your life that YOU feel bitter and act bitter and petty.
YOU are now FREE to pursue YOUR happiness, your dreams! So go for it! Instead of wasting your time on THEM!
If you really want to visit America, then study hard, save up some money and WHEN you have finished your degree maybe you can afford a holiday to the USA! You don't NEED him to go to the USA. FFS!
He knows that by:
1. dating HER he could hurt your feelings.
2. telling you that he "faked" being happy with you, he could hurt your feelings.
3. by posting "happy" pictures all over social media he can hurt your feelings.
I'ts kind of sad how devoted he is to HURTING your feelings, isn't it? And sad for her too. Because she is being used as a rebound pawn in his little games!
BLOCK unfriend, delete ALL contacts to HIS and HER social media and focus on YOURSELF and YOUR future.
I get that no one likes to get "replaced" so "easily" but that should just SHOW you how good the decision to break up was. For you.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (23 August 2018):
 Stop looking?
Out of sight, out of mind. He’s clearly trying to make you jealous if he’s telling your mother the plans he has with his new GF as he knows it will get back to you and it’s having some sort of effect.
Like you said, YOU were the one that wanted out, so why let it bother you? Block him and stop looking.
Also what kind of dickhead doesn’t want their partner to fulfill their educational goals? Good riddance.
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