A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:I know this is not a relationship problem but I really didnt know where to find advice and I think all of you agony aunts give good advice so please help me. My older brother who is twenty one has led a very bad life, he got bullied all through school and then when he came home he would get beaten by my dad. I remember being seven at the time when my father used to make my brother stand by the fireplace with his trousers down and would make me hit him as hard as I could and as many times as he wanted me to across his bare bum with a slipper. I dont know why my dad did this but he would always laugh. I am ashamed of myself now for doing it but at the time I would be in my dads good books. My dad also told everyone my brother was a child molester at the age of thirteen and put him in a childrens home. He has been in and out of hostels since the age of sixteen and I also know that he has dabbled in drugs. He tried slitting his wrists when he was sixteen and it breaks my heart. Finally he met a girl that he loved very much and settled down with her for two years and I was happy because it meant I didnt have to worry about him because I knew he had her. The thing is he recently found out that she has been having a three month relationship with another guy behind his back, so now they are seperated. My brother has never had anyone to talk to and to be honest nobody would understand him anyway apart from me because I have witnessed it all. The problem is all of our lives he has been telling me that he loves me and I always say shut up and start fights with him, I have never once cuddled him in my life even though he has tried many times, I just end up screaming at him and telling him to go away. Well the other night he had an argument with my mums boyfriend and ended up hitting him my mum tried to pull him away so he turned on my mum and beat her badly she has a black eye, two wobbly teeth and a swollen cheek let alone bruises on her arm. He also went for my younger brother but my mum stood in the way. My brother knew what he was doing and phoned the police himself and begged them to come quickly because he couldnt stop himself and he said he was going to kill them all. I luckily was not there. Well the police came and managed to calm him down even though it took them a long time, my mum sighned a statement saying she didnt want to press charges. The thing is my brother is not evil and he has never done anything like this before. My mum has thrown him out and he has nowhere to go. My mum says she loves him and will be ther for him but she cannot trust him in the house incase he turns again. I phoned my brother when I found out and I didnt have a go at him instead I told him I love him and I always have but I find it hard to show my emotions torward him. I promised him I would get him help if he promised to help himself. I think that all the stuff that has happened to him in his lifetime have messed his head up. I want him to see a councellor and he has promised me he will, but none of us can afford it at all. But he needs to see one urgently, I really want him to have a good life from now. Can anyone give me some advice on how to get a free councellor or how to help him in another way. I am sorry it was so long but it really is getting me down bevuase although I have never told him I love him I really do. I know I can help him and he will listen to me because he has wanted so much in his life to be close to me. I am going to stop being immature and be a proper sister to him now and support him. So if anybody has any advice on how I can help him please tell me
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female
reader, Juliette +, writes (18 September 2006):
 Try going with him to see his GP as he/she should be able to access free counselling. Also you could try typing 'free couselling' in, and your local town, on the Internet and see what comes up. You could try 'youth counselling' as key words. Local to me is an organisation called 42nd street for under 25s, but I don't know if it is National or not. Your GP may also know of these services. If your GP is unsupportive, try ringing other GPs as their receptions may have useful contact numbers to hand if they are a decnet service (not all are). I think you are growing up (whatever age you are) and doing an excellent support for your brother. It sounds as if he really needs you and you will feel so much better yourself for doing it. Each time you hold your hand out to him it will become easier and feel less alien.
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