A
female
age
30-35,
*twinklex
writes:I've been with my boyfriend now for over 5 months (albeit in a round about way) and considering the various obstacles we've faced, it's going really well.I had previously met his sister and their mother, both of whom I get on really well with. They invited me to a 'family occasion' where I was introduced to more family. As my boyfriend is away I went by myself. His mother introduced me to the rest of the family as his 'girlfriend' and they (brothers, friends etc) all refer to me as his 'girlfriend'The thing that's bothering me, and probably a lot more than it should is his sister. When at the 'family occasion' she was talking with me and another woman about my boyfriend and I. All throughout, she refered to me as 'just a platonic friend'. When she talks to me about my boyfriend and I, I'm 'such a good friend'. When she makes comments that refer to me, I'm 'her brother's mate'.As posted in previous questions. he's currently in prison and originally our relationship was kept quiet to keep unwanted complications down. However, since visiting him we've decided that being 'public' as such makes no difference to the current circumstances so, are open about our relationship. When I see him, we hold hands, we kiss in 'couple' ways, we talk about the 'coupl-ey' things planned for when he's back etc. I can understand his sister being wary about the 'girlfriend' tag in the beginning but surely.. if we've come this far, we're not doing too bad? It's really starting to bother me and hurt me that she doesn't see me as being more to him than a casual 'mate', especially as everyone else in their family sees me as his 'girlfriend'.Am I daft to feel hurt by this? Is being labled really that important in the grand scheme of things? It's just starting to make me feel that she doesn't see me as being 'good enough' and therefore, AM I good enough?
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female
reader, xtwinklex +, writes (12 March 2011):
xtwinklex is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks, I don't know.. I've since met more family who've been introduced to me the gf.. and the grandfather has even said my bf and I must go visit, have a drink and he's a spare room we can stay in (so clearly thinks of us as a couple)
I know it's silly, and that there are far worse problems a relationship but it really hurts me.
Even after 6months, I'm still the great friend her brother's found to hang out with.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (26 February 2011):
 Ah well.. and you are so worried about the opinion of a
person that , hearing of a sexual assault against a woman, is concerned about ....the guy cheating on his gf :)??
Probably it would not be such a sound opinion anyway.
You do not need to scream, though. Just to talk. Calmly and assertively. If a similar episode happens again, smile and tell her : "But I am not single. I am your bf's girlfriend. Funny that you'd forget that ".
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A
female
reader, xtwinklex +, writes (26 February 2011):
xtwinklex is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI know you're right and really no opinion matters but mine and his but it still stings.I guess what really jabbed it in was while he's been away I was sexually assaulted which I've only told her. Her concern was about the guy cheating on his girlfriend even with someone single. I just wanted to scream, I'm not single! What about your brother?? Does that mean nothing. It seemed like as to her I'm single it didn't matter as much.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (26 February 2011):
Suppose she actually does not see you as good enough . So ?This would be her own personal opinion. Her family does not share it and, most importantly, your bf does not share it, since he wants to be with you, so obviously you are good enough for him and that's all it should matter.
Anyway, I don't think you are reading correctly this girl, at least not necessarily. There may be other reasons. She may feel a bit jealous, in a sisterly way, so tries to downplay your role in his brother's life. She may be a private and reserved person, and, since, as you said, the situation is delicate and peculiar, she may think this is not the moment for making things official. Or maybe she doubts you'll still be with his brother in future so thinks of you as a transitional mate . There may be various reasons , other than thinking you are not good enough . If that really bothers you, why don't you ask her :
" How curious, everybody in your family calls me John's girlfriend but you, I wonder why ".
But, I would not lose any sleep over this. You 're dating the brother anyway, not the sister !
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