A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: Recently my boyfriend got a new job driving lorries and it seems like hes constantly working and i never see him anymore. He works mon to fri has to be up at 4am then works til 5pm but often til 9pm. Weekends hes on call midnight saturday to midnight on sundays.Really he only has one day a week off and by then all he wants to do is nothing! This is causing alot of problems as we used to spend all weekends together going away somewhere nice and out on walks just doing things together. And during the week were together.Now we dont have time for anything together. He has more money but i dont see the point of having more money if you have no time to enjoy your life and relax.I feel fed up and unhappy and cant see how our relationship can continue like this. He says he has no choice but to carry on with his job.
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male
reader, kenny +, writes (6 April 2021):
 What would you prefer, him working hard earning decent money, or no job at all sitting on the sofa all day playing video games.
He has only just started the job, so obviously trying to make a good impression. These hours won't last forever, maybe when he has been there for while then it might be possible to alternate his hours, and have some flexibility.
Until then accept that this is a new job, he is working hard and making good money, surely this is a good thing.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2021): I doubt he wants to be working that much either. Do you work? Is there a way you can get a better paid job to take some of the financial burden off him? Perhaps he feels that he has to provide for you. Can you reduce your outgoings? Can you agree that he will only do this job for a year until the economy picks up and then seek something else? He probably feels that he HAS to take this job. Few people would work those hours out of choice.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2021): Typo corrections:
"The economy erratically shrinks and expands; but unfortunately, money only comes when you work hard and earn it."
"Be careful what you wish for, or you just might get it!"
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A
female
reader, Plexi  +, writes (5 April 2021):
 I once joked with a friend and said that the perfect man is an unemployed bum who lives on his mom's couch or a retired guy because those are they only ones who are always available to shower us with attention when we want it!!
The honeymoon stage never lasts forever......would you prefer he didn't work as much and had money problems just so he can have more time for you? Is that not selfish and a bit immature? I
t costs money to always go out and do stuff!!!......maybe just hanging out and doing nothing with you is his idea of quality time until HE feels more secure financially or until he burns out and is forced to take time off from work:)
Be more patient and understanding OP and appreciate the fact that he's a hard working man and not a bum or a guy who tries to sponge off of you!!:)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2021): Uhm…if he had to take that job, maybe it's the best he can do for now?
If he had to take-on an extra part-time gig; one of the things covid has taught us is, you had better have reliable financial-resources and some savings on reserve. Jobs dry-up, and they are unreliable. Open today, and closed tomorrow. Layoffs and furloughs are as common as London fog.
If he's over 40, he's got financial responsibilities. If he doesn't have the qualifications for a high-salaried professional job; he'll either have to supplement his current job; or take whatever he could get, if his job doesn't pay enough. After all, we all spent the last year in lockdown together! Some being unemployed, and on unemployment income. Some scratching a living on whatever jobs they could find; or worse, nothing!!! He's probably trying to build a cushion, or has major plans for the two of you. Patience will tell.
Didn't you get enough? Maybe you got spoiled having him around so much? The international news reports the UK's lockdowns or restrictions remain in place. Fearing another possible covid surge. We hear people are taunting mask requirements and rioting over threats of more lockdowns and continued restrictions. He needs to get-out and earn some cash while he can! You're mature and experienced enough to know the deal! I hope you're both vaccinated!
We're still in the midst of a pandemic. Thank God, for vaccines! Yet, we're possibly approaching a fourth wave, according to CDC predictions in the US. Mainly, because everyone got covid-stressed, and went buck wild when some restrictions were lifted. They decided to stop wearing masks in public places; and many went berserk when they lifted some of the covid restrictions on travel, and let some bars and restaurants open. All-around irresponsible and over-entitled human behavior. We're only human!
That's no excuse for stupidity and reckless selfishness!!! Listening to fact-less disinformation and conspiracy theories like naive little children and dingbats!
You will see less of him. The question is, but for how long? You had better learn to quickly adapt and adjust. The economy erratically shrinks and expands; but unfortunately, money only comes when you hard and earn it. You can't live on pennies, or depend on social services. You know better.
Cherish the time you have together. His manhood compels him to try and earn a decent living. Who knows what plans he has in-mind for your future? If you decide to call it quits, that might lift some of the pressure off his back. Be careful what you wish, or you just might get it! He losses his job, and may have no income at all!
Sweetheart, try to be patient; and don't add to the pressure. He wouldn't have changed jobs or taken on an extra one; unless he feels you need the money. I don't think he wants less time together any more than you do. A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do! He has to work, and feel his efforts payoff! If the relationship won't last, could it be because of your lack of patience? Or, your lack of a firm grip on the reality of our times?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (5 April 2021):
 I'd say give him a bit more time to settle into his new job. Learn to "entertain" yourself a bit too.
For now, he is the "new guy" which means he has the shittier shifts and routes. He will also settle into his new routine and schedule. It takes time.
His world doesn't revolve around you. And it's EASY for you to say that there is no point in having money if he has no time to enjoy it. Maybe... he is SAVING up for something? Like a new car, a house, a vacation whatever it is. He works hard so he can EARN well.
You are saying he should just what? Get a less paid job so he can spend more time with you? That his HARD work and dedication to making a GOOD living means nothing to you? Maybe it means something TO HIM?!
Do you work? If not, why not?
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