A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello, I realise that people will think these concerns are crazy, but here I go... I’ve been separated for 2.5 years, I’ve had 2 dates within that time and I really had to build myself up to go on them. Both were fine dates but I always find an excuse to back off, so for the last 16mths I haven’t had any dates nor have I tried, the thing is I have met a guy online who seems to be very keen, he seems lovely, we have chatted a lot and spoken in the phone, he seems like someone I could possibly get involved with, but here is the but.... I still have a fairly ok relationship with my ex, we have four kids together, he has been in a new relationship for almost two years now, but I know it will break his heart if I move on with someone else, I also know that it will change our relationship for the worse. I don’t want there to be any ill feeling between us, I don’t deal wel with that but I also know I can’t put my life on hold, it’s tearing me apart. I watch him happy and I want that again too at some point, the thought of hurting him kills me, which I know sounds stupid because he has already moved on, I also think he could try to make my life difficult as a result of his hurt. I also suffer from low self esteem now and have this feeling that other men won’t like me. I’m just wondering if anyone has any advice or experienced similar feelings? Thankyou
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move on, my ex, self esteem Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (5 April 2021):
 Your ex has moved on, GIVE yourself permission to do the same.
Sure, he can make life harder for you when you move on but you don't KNOW that he will. You just HOPe he won't. That shouldn't stop you from having the life you WANT to have.
What is important is that you don't RUSH into anything and that you don't introduce anyone to the kids before you KNOW there is a future with the guy and that he is a GOOD guy.
YOU are not expected to be on your own for the rest of your life. NO one expects that of you. Nor should anyone.
You have one life, GO live it!
A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (5 April 2021):
 I think that if you want to move on and get to know someone else then you have to got to stop worrying what your ex thinks.
Did he think about your feelings when he got with someone else?, someone he has been with for nearly two years. No, you was not even a consideration, not even on his mind. He knew your relationship was over and he simply moved on.
It will break his heart if you move on with someone else?. OP how will it break his heart, his love lays with someone else now.
Your right, you can't put your life on hold, you need to move on with your life like your ex has done. You need to stop thinking it will break his heart because it 100% won't.
If you don't abolish these thoughts and feelings about your ex and moving on then you will never be happy or meet anyone.
You deserve to be happy, and you deserve to meet someone nice. Leave the past in the past where it belongs, and look at your life now as a fresh sheet of paper and get ready to make new loving memories with someone new.
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