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female
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anonymous
writes: My boyfriend and I are really close, but he is older then me. His mom dislikes me and tries to mess with our relationship constantly. He is really sweet and I have no doubt he loves me, and I love him back, but his mom leaves threatning voicemails and calls me constantly to scream at me. She even calls my school and has me called out of class demanding that I be suspended. I am still in high school and so is he but we really care about each other. What should I do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, willywombat  +, writes (29 January 2006):
 Poor you.
Why does she dislike you so much? Have you any idea? I would like to know more about this situation.
Looking forward to hearing form you.x
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2005): get a restraining order.
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A
female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (27 December 2005):
You know what I was going to say something, but then I read what Bev wrote, it is absolutly 100% correct! i couldn't agree more and wouldnt be able to put it any better. so yes, take that adivce i say.
Just another thought, get your parents to talk to his. Maybe if she sees that sme other adults (as she will more likely trust them right) then she might be more supportive.
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A
female
reader, Bev Conolly +, writes (26 December 2005):
 It isn't your responsibility to do anything, but I also don't believe that it's your boyfriend's, either. If you two are only in high school, then he's just a minor himself. What's he supposed to do? He has to live with this woman. The best your boyfriend can do is to make it plain to his mum that he wants her to give logical reasons for her reaction to your dating, and to explain why she's doing such drastic things. However, beyond that, he's still a dependant minor, and there's little he can "demand" she do. At least until he moves out of home.His mother's behaviour is irrational, to say the least. If you and her son are dating, and you're younger than he is, then you're hardly likely to be any threat to her son's emotional or financial health, so it's difficult to understand what she's so upset about. She may be one of those parents who becomes emotionally dependant on the idea of having a child, and can't face that he's growing up. She may also be thinking that you two are going to have sex and her son will wind up paying child support, or something similar.I suggest that you speak to your school headmaster or counsellor (you just make an appointment) and let them know that your boyfriend's mother is doing these disturbing, threatening things and you don't understand why. There's no reason I can imagine that she should be hounding you during your school day - that's just unhinged behaviour. You can also enlist the help of your own folks. If your relationship with your boyfriend is a normal, innocent one, then your parents will want to help you and protect you from your bf's mother. Speak to them in the first instance, then consider talking to your school administrators.As to the threatening voicemails, what you do depends on the level of threat. If it's serious and you feel worried, tell your folks. They can contact your mobile phone carrier and have the messages saved, so the police can intervene (I used to work for mobile phone companies, and now I work for the police in my country; I know what I'm talking about), which they will do, if necessary.On the other hand, if she's just 'going off' at weird tangents in the voicemails, then delete them feel free to ignore it.Last question: why are you accepting her calls at all? There is such a thing as CLI, you know. When you see her number, or if the caller blocks the number, then just don't answer. Save yourself some headaches!Last point of all, think about the things his mother is saying and consider if, under all the layers of aggro, if there might be something valid about what she says. In other words, what's her basic complaint? Does it hold any water at all? Consider the possibility that it might and think about whether there is a way you might adjust your behaviour in ways that would settle her anxiety.Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Virginiaac +, writes (26 December 2005):
Why feel you have to do something? If this guy is older than you and knows what his mother is doing, why isn't he doing something about her?
Unless he does something about her harrassing you, then ditch him as he proves himself to be Mummy's boy.
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