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female
,
anonymous
writes: After being maried for only two years, I recently found that my husband is addicted to porn. He will sneak and watch it when I am gone, while he is watching his mother's house and the list goes on. He constantly says he has no money but when I go searching the house I find a case of brand new purchased porn. He even ran up my cable bill and when I got the bill he denied it. This is making me feel ...unwanted. I try to do different things in bed but he claims he is not into it. I am confused and hurt. Please give me some advice.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2006): how old
old are you
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2005): I am in a similar situation. My advice to you is stick with it for now. Try telling him how you feel, and also try looking on the net for web sites that offer help and support in this situation (www.firesofdarkness.com is one?). This is an addiction like any other, and he will need your help if he is to quit, but at the same time you will need a lot of support too.
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A
female
reader, Virginiaac +, writes (26 December 2005):
You could spend your whole life being reasonable to this guy. Either get him to see a counsellor or get yourself someone who wants real women and not paper girlies.
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A
female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (26 December 2005):
Alot of woman are going through the same thing as you, so you aren't alone! This happens far to often in marriages, the husband looks at porn constantly and it upsets his wife, so he does it on the sneaky yet she still knows and is still feeling just as bad. You shouldn't be feeling unloved and like your not wanted. Never should anyone feel like that in a marriage. Since his porn additction is such a big issue in your marriage you should deffintly talk to him about if so not done already. Try to pick a time when you are calm- people react better then yet you also need to deeply explain to him how its making you feel. Do you think that if your husband truly undderstood how bad this made you felt that he would want to keep doing it?
If hes not intentialy trying to hurt you then thats a good sign- it can be worked out!
I am wondering how other parts of your relationship with your husband is going, is everything else going good? If your relationship is strong already then this will be easier to work out. If its not, then maybed issues such as eacdh other not feeling loved and wanted, trust, honesty, loyalty should also be addressed.
Its really importnat that you let him know how you feel. And also try to understand why hes doing it...
Also remind him that its very disrespectful to you and that porn is liek a fantasy. If he expects you to be like that then hes going to be let down very soon. Becayse no one in real life can be like that.
When a husband is looking at porn constantly or eveb just a little it makes the wife feel not good enough, worthless, unattractive and unloved- thats not acceptable.
You both need to talk about how to make this work.
I hope it works out for you and your husband! Remember you shouldn't be feeling like this in a relationship, so thats why it needs to be talked about and then resolved.
Good luck and I hope somehow I helped.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2005): This is a major problem that is becoming more and more an issue in todays marriages. My hear goes out to you. Like you I am a wife whos h used porn behind my my back because he knew it hurt me. My honest advice to you is insist he sees a counselor with you. If he refuses perhaps you can stay with friends or family and see a counselor to help you work out whether you want to stay in this marriage. I really hope things work out for you.
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