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My boyfriends mother hates me! What can I do?

Tagged as: Dating, Family<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (23 July 2009) 5 Answers - (Newest, 24 July 2009)
A female United States age 36-40, anonymous writes:

me and my boyfriend has been together for 2 yrs and it has been a bumpy road for us but we are managing and still are together, but the problem is his mother, she hates me and he says no she dont but i know because is not possible for somebody to one day like u and the minute she hears us or sees his son argueing with me she hates me, so i know for a fact she hates me, so everytime i go over to his house and she happens to be there she always starts to make fun of me and say stuff about me infront of people like other family members and i feel very uncomfortable and even get mad and all he says to me is "is all jokes baby" but i dont take it as jokes because i know she really means what she is saying.

so the other day we was all outside like me and him and his mom and his sister and his uncle and little cousins and he was a little further away talkin to his friends so anything me and his mother was talkin about he couldnt not hear so he brought a new playsatation 3 and he calls it his new girlfriend because of how expensive it is, so his mom asked me i hope u know that my son has a new girlfriend and i said yea i know the playstation and she said yea right u keep thinkin that and the face she made is like she was serious.

so right know idk what to do cause since the b**ch hates me so much im afraid that if i ask him that he gonna ask his mother cause he is such a mommas boy and if she says no then that will start problems cause she will start sayin that i am lieing to him about her so any advice on this?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2009):

that sounds terrible. leave him. if he loved you he'd make sure it didnt happen.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2009):

You have a bad combination of a mother who wants to 'own' her son and a boyfriend who is still a mummys boy and won't stand up for his relationship. If her comments are making you feel bad and you have told her and she continues to do it, laughing it off and making out its 'just a joke' then its abuse on her part. You should not be put in such a situation and I would strongly suggest you no longer see your boyfriend in her presence so she cannot pick on you like a bully. You are a little bit old for sharing your boyfriend with his mother so its time to date each other on a more adult basis and you need to decide what is and is not acceptable to you as an adult woman. If he can't change and she clearly won't then I promise you from too many years experience the situation will get worse not better. Personally I would walk away now and tell your boyfriend you no longer accept the comments from his mother and if he cannot see it or is not prepared to stand up for you then its over. Tell him you are looking for a man not a little boy.

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A female reader, alwaysreadyandwilling United Kingdom +, writes (23 July 2009):

alwaysreadyandwilling agony auntI think she`s a little bit bored and clinging to her son. Why not pull her to one side and say look,if you want to get out of this boring life this is what to do. Get registered on a dating site and get a man. This will take up more of her time and give her something to live for. Before you know it she will be out of your face forever.Who knows maybe she could get in a long distance one and move away for good. This reminds me of this bird from devon who i went to see. Got there and realised i was one of many,set up by her husband for a big party for his enjoyment. Think you know what i`m saying. i made my excuses and left.In other words make sure she`s safe.

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A female reader, ilovebowsandcherries United Kingdom +, writes (23 July 2009):

ilovebowsandcherries agony auntWhy not take her to one side or organize a lunch with her and speak to her about the situation find out what's going on tell your boyfriend you're going to meet her for a lunch or speak to her because it's getting you down.

then have a few words with her just ask her why she treats you like this?

i mean it maybe because all mothers say to there sons "no girl will ever love you as much as a mother loves you"

she's probably just afraid you're taking him away from her because its her boy its her son and she probably feels that now you're in his life that he won't feel the need to come see her that much anymore.

and soon enough he'll have his own family and won't visit her as often as she would like him too.

but if you're afraid of what you talk to her about and her twisting things when she tells your boyfriend then just go along with her just play around with her too give as good as you get.

maybe it'll make her realise how you feel.

Hope this helps :)

x ilovebowsandcherries x

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A female reader, Emilysanswers United Kingdom +, writes (23 July 2009):

Next time she says something just ask her calmly and in an adult way what her problem is with you. Ask her if you have offended her some how.

If she says she's fine then tell her she comes across as though she really doesn't like you and you don't like being put down in front of other people.

I'm not saying start a row. You have to stay calm no matter what she says and be the bigger person.

Good Luck!! xx

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