A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Recently a close family friend died and ive put on a little weight because of it. My boyfriend mention the other day that i had put on a few and when i asked him if it bothered him he swore it didnt but i think it bothers him even if he wont admit it. So i had tried to cut back and exercise more but i get so busy with work and errands that i cant exercise as much and he continues to give me wierd looks and it lowers my self confidence what should i do?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (12 July 2012):
 I disagree with YouWish that it bothers him.
Were you underweight before the gain?
were you average weight or already overweight?
how much did you gain? 5 pounds? ten? 50?
these answers will help me formulate what I want to say SPECIFIC to your situation.
you say he gives you weird looks... what does that mean? my fiance tends to interpret "looks" from others VERY differently than I do....
here's my story:
when i met the fiance he was too skinny and I found it unattractive... he gained 10 and was PERFECT... and I remarked to him that he had gained... and I liked it.
now he's gained about 15 more... and yeah he could stand to lose a bit of weight... doesn't mean I don't want him... doesn't mean I don't find him attractive... means he's gained some weight he could stand to lose... both for health reasons and comfort... and yes the other day I patted his belly and teased him about it... but it was not to make him feel bad...
just like me... I got down to a bony 135 last summer after an ulcer... I was too thin ( ribs and spine sticking out, bony shoulders... no padding on my tush) he loved me too skinny and now 20 pounds later I want to lose about 10... but he loves my newfound curves and hips (to the point that he grabs at my lumps when we cuddle and holds on like it's a life line...) just because someone comments does not mean they dislike it.
oh and his biggest complaint: "just find a weight YOU like and stick with it... he doesn't want to hear that I WANT to lose weight... he figures I'm fine where i am and I should STFU... so I've learned to just do my thing quietly...
I find little time to exercise what with working full time and running a home planning a wedding and doing a home renovation...
you are young you still have your strength and metabolism working for you
focus on eating high protein low carb with good fats and incorporating exercise into your day as you can
take steps not elevators. walk when you can.... 3 ten minute walks a day will do the same as one thirty minute walk...
I vote for DDR too I did an hour and a half of it last night but I'm in OLD lady mode with it due to back problems... no jumping for me.....
A
female
reader, IamJess  +, writes (12 July 2012):
 I think he's being really unreasonable and horrible, obviously you was going to be upset when your close friend passed away, so the thing girls usually do is comfort eat to make themselves feel better, I find it really inconsiderate that he'd even mention your weight gain, if he didn't care about it he wouldn't go on about it.
If you genuinely want to lose weight then exercise, get some exercise DVD's, try and eat really healthy, it is no use eating fatty foods when exercising, call it pointless.
I really hope you find happiness in yourself and your relationship.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (12 July 2012):
 He wouldn't have mentioned it if it didn't bother him. Personally, I think he's an insensitive jackass for doing that to you after you just had a tragedy, but you do realize that if being around him makes you feel bad about yourself, you can show him the door.
As for exercise and cutting back, there are a lot of ways to get exercise and no reason that even the busiest person can't make good food choices and choose options that boost physical fitness. For example, if you're always running errands, why not deliberately part far away from the door to add a little bit of walking to your errands? Why not cut out the coffee, alcohol, sweets, or the extra bag of chips or handful of peanuts?
A lot of people make the mistake of thinking that in order to have good physical health, you have to draw up this elaborate food plan and spend tons of time and money with repetitious exercise, when it really comes down to building good habits that serve you well in life. Household chores are good for physical fitness too!
Streamline your fridge and cupboards at home and take out the crap. Make innocuous switches you'll hardly notice (2% milk down to skim milk, whole wheat instead of white, eating salads without the glob of fattening dressing, lean meats instead of pasta overload, etc), add a bit of exercise to things you're already doing, Subway instead of White Castle, and you'll realize that not only will you look better, you'll feel a lot better, helping you heal mentally.
Also, what do you and your boyfriend do together? If it involves dinner and a movie (or simply parking it on a couch or bed), maybe it's time to do something new. Have fun doing things that are ACTIVE together. My husband and I are so dorky that we still play Dance Dance Revolution together, and now I do it with my son too. I'm sure there are other sophisticated dates that get you both moving.
Whether or not this guy is an insensitive clod or not, don't ever allow any excuses to get in the way of living healthy. It's not rocket science, nor do you have to train for a marathon. It's simply good habits that become as automatic as anything else. Exercise feels WONDERFUL. Sure it hurts and burns and sweats, but the endorphin high you get during and afterward feels sublime. Thank you dopamine!
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