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female
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anonymous
writes: My boyfriend and I have been together for a while now and his grandma absoulty cant stand me! Anytime i call she hangs up on me. When i go knock on the door she just says go away he is taking a bath (even though he comes out like 5 seconds later)For our anniversary i gave him a huge picture of us and he really loved it. He went home put it on his bed and left. When he got back his grandma had scratched and tore the picture, but she denys it was her even though they are the only ones that live in the house! When my bf is around though she is so sweet and nice to me! What is the deal???
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female
reader, tequilarodeo +, writes (22 May 2006):
 She's probably worried about loosing her grandson to another woman. Call it jealousy, she's probably upset about him sharing his love with another. It's nothing personal against you, she probably would have done it to any girl in your situation...
When he is around she wants to act like sweet old gran, but when it is just you she is probably trying to scare you off. Don't take it to heart...
Treat her nicely, brush off her rash behavior... like matron said, eventually she may slip up and your boyfriend will see what she has been doing all along, it will embarass her and she should quite doing it. In a few years it will be something to laugh about. :) Good Luck with the goofy gran...
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2006): If you need to know why Gran is doing this, I would ask your bf, he knows why. But it may be something you need not know and he's wisely made the choice not to tell you to save hurting your feelings. It's also very likely he's just developed a polite detachment from his Gran's behaviours and perhaps, you should too. If you have done nothing to offend her in the past, then realize, it really sounds like Grandma is possibly having trouble letting go of her grandson? That's her issue and she responsible for her reactions and responses shouldn't be doing this to her grandson. She's lashing out at you and meaness is simply part of the human condition. People choose to be this way and they own their own troubles. I really recommend just ignoring this. Perhaps you and your bf can develop ways in your relationship where you do not have to be exposed to Gran's resentment. Maybe instead of you going to his place, you can meet at your place. Good luck and take care
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (21 May 2006):
 Yes, she's probably lonely and a little "jealous" tht her grandson might be showing affection to someone else. It's a bit peculiar of her to be so possessive, but it's kind of understandable if there's no one else in her life.
You also have to at least consider the possibility that you're doing something that ticks her off, even inadvertantly. You might come off as too demanding, or pushy, or it might even be something out of your control, like you remind her of someone she doesn't like.
Take the time to think through whether she has a point. It'd be understandable if you felt a little bit resentful of her behaviour to you, but does that come through when you speak with her? If it does, you should be the bigger person and take the responsibility to correct it. It'll pay off big-time in future, and your boyfriend will only love you more for being such a sweetie to his grandma.
When you speak to her, be sincerely polite and kind. When she lies about him being "not home", bite your tongue and act as if it's the truth. Then talk with your boyfriend later and discuss strategies that will allow you to get in touch with him when you want to, but will also allow Granny her pride. Maybe you can set up a daily time that he calls you, or buy a prepaid mobile, so you can text him.
Eventually Grandma will either come around (when she realises that she can safely "share" her grandson's attention with you), or she won't. Either way, you'll have to deal with her in the foreseeable future, and as the old saying goes, "You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar".
Be extra nice to her. At some level, she does know that he'll want a life outside her, and you can help that happen.
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A
female
reader, matron +, writes (21 May 2006):
 Hi,Dont take it to heart she would treat anyone who her grandson went out with the same, she's jealous bless her and she doesn't want her grandson to start depending on anyone other than her. She's obviously lonely and dreads the day he leaves home.
The best thing to do is treat the Grandma really nice all of the time, this will wind her up and confuse her, treat it as a joke and dont take it personally, sooner or later she will slip up and your b/f will then see what she's been up to, this in turn will hurt and embarrass him, which she will feel bad about and hopefully make her see sense. She may even get fed up trying to fend you off if you ignore it.Good luck LoLx
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A
female
reader, Ainley +, writes (21 May 2006):
 whoa ok crazy gran alert! right action stations ready, you listening? dont pay any attention to her just play nicey nice to her that'll get her going and probably make her slip up eventually so he'll see it. look sounds like she really dont like you and has a screw loose and because she's his gran you've got to be nice, laugh next time she says he's in the bath make it into a joke, hay even bring her flowers? it might help, but the one thing you cant do is let her get to you because thats what she wants and the only person left looking stupid or mean is you! best of luck with the crazy granny in-law xx
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