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age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: I am friends with my boyfriend's guy friend and his girlfriend...We double date occasionally. Well, I never really talk to the guy friend and my boyfriend never really talks to his girlfriend, except when we're all together...so this guy recently started facebook chatting me. About random things. First he asked me how I was, since I was down with the cold, I told him fine and didn't keep the convo going. Then, very recently, he asked me where my boyfriend was through chat. So we started talking about random things from there, like how they missed us and wanted to hang out with us. I was asking what we could do over winter break and he kept saying stupid stuff, like "pot, crack, hookers and beer." So I laughed it off uncomfortably, and I said that that's dirty, and he said "we can use condoms for the hookers." I realized I was overstepping boundaries so I stopped talking to him. Then he chatted me up again in like 5 minutes, and I asked him what he and his gf do for winter break usually and he's like "we have crazy sex orgies with 6-8 people" ...basically he was saying very crude things that *I* think should be talked about with either guy friends or your girlfriend..I felt uncomfortable and wasn't trying to keep the conversation going. That really just is how he talks in general when we are all out together, is it harmless? It's just that his girlfriend was constantly complaining to me that he would talk like this and flirt online with different girls and now I see what she's talking about. I wasn't flirting with him but he definitely was with me. So was this inappropriate of him (or me?)
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2011): Haha!!! Yes so true, I often think I named myself wrong, but I did that years ago and can't change it. I should change it to 'straighttalker' or 'thisisgoingtosoundharsh'! Haha wish I coulld ;p
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female
reader, Candid Cally  +, writes (2 December 2011):
Actually, talking helps has a good point. There are many people, men especially, that get some kind of thrill from making people (especially women) uncomfortable.
My fiancée does it. Usually not to me because I'll ignore him trying to get a rise out of me, and I'm "not any fun.". But, he'll tell me when he does it to others. Topics like sex, violence, drugs, and religion are his favorites to upset people with. He loves attention, but especially negative attention. He has admitted this to me.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all the answers, wow talking helps, your name is quite the oxymoron of the type of advice you give :D
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2011): Lol he's not being flirty!!! Haha he just enjoys being crude as it makes prude people like you squirm
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (2 December 2011):
 My take on it is that's just the way he is... I don't see him as flirting with you.
Personally he clearly has you slotted as a friend and his idea of friends is that he can joke around and speak his mind. He sees you as one of the guys IMO.
I could be off track as I have really really LOUSY social skills which means that maybe he does too and he sees nothing wrong with his comments.
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female
reader, Tyedyedturtle +, writes (2 December 2011):
 I don't believe you were acting inappropriately. However, I do think that you should take it a step farther and outwardly tell him that you are uncomfortable with such chat and would prefer either a subject change or to end the conversation. It might be harsh, but I think I sense that you are worried that his girlfriend might catch wind of your conversations and get upset with you because of his flirtation. That's why you must nip it in the bud! You can always use that new tool on Facebook to block him from seeing you are available to chat. If all else fails and you are worried still, maybe tell your boyfriend what has happened and how you feel. Perhaps he could mediate?
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female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (2 December 2011):
 Inappropriate. Rather disturbing behavior, especially when he's in a relationship. Sounds like he just gets off in saying crude things to other women in private.
I would delete him off FB and tell his girlfriend of your conversation the next time you speak to her. Ask her about his behavior. I don't understand why she would put up with it.
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female
reader, Candid Cally +, writes (2 December 2011):
It is inappropriate, but if it is flirting it is definitely a weird way to go about it. He seems more like he gets a thrill out of being vulgar.
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female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (2 December 2011):
 Double up
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