A
female
age
41-50,
*lessful07
writes:my boyfriend has this friend that's a female, but heres the chatch they use to go out together but split up cause of some differences. Well at first I was ok with him talking to her and her working with him at his garage, but now she's every where !! She's at my house so much that I feel so conjested. What takes the cake is when we watch movies she's right there on the side of him and of course he all ways sits at the end of the couch and I get stuck sitting on the side of her instead of him. I tell him about how I feel but does nothing about it. When I lean on him it's a big deal that he's sore but when she's here it's ok for her, he claims that there's nothing going on but am I blind by love? She's always here , and sleeps over alot. By having her sleep on my couch it's all sunk in, and the board broke in the middle of it. At times I try to get her so up set so she would want to go home but it's getting to the point that she knows what I'm doing so it doesn't bother her at all, but she'll mark me and tell him to tell me to stop. One time me and her got into a fist fight because of all this. What can I do, please some one help me!!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2010): wow ummm...i would say to the guy flat out and say something like "i love you (to him)and i want to be with you but you are rejecting me for her when you are with me.please tell me do you want to be with her instead of me?" and try and get him to answer truthfully
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2010): Oh wow, I can't believe what I just read! Um, why haven't you hit him over the head yet? (lol, sorry) seriously though, that is not cool. He needs to hear how incredibly stupid the situation is and he needs to do something about it. If he doesn't, like right at this minute, then you should change the locks and show him you mean business. Ok talk to him first, but if he doesn't get it, then call the locksmith. I still can't believe this... Hugs to you girl!
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (22 December 2010):
 I'm going to expressly disagree with the anon posters who suggest an ultimatum. They really don't work. Go ahead and try it, but don't say you weren't warned.
I just wish I could find that article...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2010): Tell him its either you or her. You have put up with enough already.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2010): Give him an ultimatum: it's either you or her. Either she stops spending so much time with your boyfriend and he stops neglecting you or the relationship is over. If he really cares about you, and absolutely nothing romantic is going on between them (as he claims) he'll have no problem choosing you over her. Her being around all the time is obviously causing stress for you and doesn't seem to be bothering him at all. It's not fair to you and it's downright inappropriate for this girl to weasel her way into your life like this. If this goes on much longer it's possible that your boyfriend and this girl could start up something (if they haven't already).
Not trying to be rude, just trying to be honest and give an outsider's point of view. I can imagine this is all very hard for you. Like I said, talk to him and give him a choice: you or her. It's that simple. If he chooses her it will be extremely painful, but you don't need someone that inconsiderate in your life. If he choose you, hopefully the situation will be resolved and you two can go on living your lives. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, OliviaAna +, writes (22 December 2010):
 Incredible. Use your common sense here girl and move out or throw them both out!!
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A
male
reader, steph007  +, writes (22 December 2010):
Nice and friendly atmosphere, but not all of us like it. In the 60ies hippies and other young ppl liked this kind of informal life. If I were in your age maybe I could accept it. For a time, of course.
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A
female
reader, Betty4492 +, writes (22 December 2010):
 If he is your boyfriend who loves and cares about you, YOUR feelings come first. Period.
However, you are not clear about the facts. Is she just hanging out or is she a renter?
If she's just visiting, tell him how you feel and that you don't want her visiting. He then needs to do the right thing, be a gentleman and kindly tell her the visiting is not comfortable for you (his girlfriend). He needs to make that point to her and if he doesn't, I'd think about this guy's ability to be a good boyfriend.
This is a good test to see how he reacts and what he does to put you first.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (22 December 2010):
(scrambles) Catfight, what?!?
Sorry, I got distracted there for a second.
I don't have any idea what he's thinking, but this is definitely not good and I feel for you. A couple of tips though. All that little manipulative stuff you're doing to make her mad just makes you look bad. Often the best thing you can do in a situation like this is welcome the person with open arms. Be overly nice. You give her ammunition to use against you when you play those games. Don't give her the upper hand.
I sincerely doubt he's over her. What you describe is not normal behavior for exes. Even exes who remain friends. On one hand, it would be hard for him to be sleeping with her or anything like that with you in the other room. On the other hand, doesn't she have her own place? Why can't she sleep there? Unfortunately he isn't listening to your discomfort here. That mean's that he doesn't think your feelings on this subject are valid. Your feelings are valid.
One thing I've learned though is saying "her or me" doesn't work. Ultimatums usually backfire. You two need to sit down and talk about this. Since you live together, you have every right to say that you don't want her sleeping there anymore. They have a past together. Have you tried getting him to look at this from your perspective? What if you were always hanging around with your ex? What if your ex was sitting between you on the couch? What if your ex was sleeping over? Have an ex who would do you a favor? That might teach him a lesson. Although guys like him usually are the kings of double standards so it would end your relationship if you did that (just a word of warning).
If he doesn't take your feelings on this matter into account, then you need to seriously consider moving on. I think you should break it off anyway, but you might want to give him one last chance.
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A
female
reader, sonyak902  +, writes (22 December 2010):
 OMG.. LEAVE HIM... wtf.. or get one of your HOT guy friends to move in... that's not a cool situation..he's being a complete idiot. Disrespectful to you, your house, your feelings and your relationship.. My boyfriend and I broke up once for about 4 months and in that 4 months some girl moved in (who was a stripper)...when we got back together I demaded she be kicked out.. 2 weeks later, she was..You've indicated that you spoke to him and he's disregarded your feelings..its time you disregard him, sweetheart.. You dont need to be their doormat..Life is too short darlin' Leave that situation where it's at.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2010): Ok first of all is this your house or both of your house?
does she pay rent for staying over/ eating your food etc....
this is not healthY they used to date and they work together and now she practically living with you.
if i was that girl and it was all innocent but i knew it was causing friction then i would leave and give you both your space..
the fact that she know his is coming between you is worrying... sounds like this bitch wants your man !! and if your bf wont man up and look at the situation then maybe you should rub it in his face..
why dont you start having an attractive friend or better still an ex stay over? make yourself unavalible because your spending time with your friend haha let him know how it feels.
If its your house tell her to leave !!!
if your sharing a house move out for a little while and say you need space,
or you could just talk to her 1 on 1 and record her ha and show him that shes out to break you up..
I personally would move out if my feelings werent heard then id spend some innocent time with a male friend and post loads of pic up on facebook to piss him off, i know it seems childish but no man can be that stupid that he cant see whats going on, hes loving the attention and after you both had a fist fight he should of made it clear to her that her presence is a strain on your relationship
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