A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am in a fairly new relationship with a man going through divorce. His family absolutely adores his soon to be ex and is making it clear that they want them to get back together. While they are friendly and cordial to me, the ex continues to be invited out to lunch by various family members and treated like they are still together. We have been together 8 months, more than enough time for the family to know i'm not going anywhere. The divorce is final next month and the plan is for me to move in with him then. My boyfriend wants me to brush things off but I am wondering how to handle the situation. I am hurt that they are not treating me like part of the family. We are planning to marry and start a family so them liking me is important. I have tried emailing his mother but only get stoic responses. It's clear they have chosen sides. It's also clear his soon to be ex isn't going anywhere and is loving this. What can I do?
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (22 October 2010):
 If she is spreading lies about you then you really don't have to do anything, those lies will indeed come back and bite her in the butt. Remain calm and classy and the family will begin to see through the lies eventually. Enjoy your relationship.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThey were married for 10 years but together 13 in total. They are divorcing because he no longer loves her. By all accounts from his family and friends (except his mother) she used to berate him in front of everyone and treat him like a child. They were complete opposites where in an arguement she would kick, punch and bite him while he cowered. I am more laid back like him. They used to like me but she has been fabricating stories about me so they won't, and since he won't let me defend myself they are believing what she says to be true. He just doesn't like confrontation so he wants me to let things go and in time they will like me again
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (22 October 2010):
What was the main reason they are divorcing? Is it a "friendly" divorce?
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (22 October 2010):
 CaringGuy is right. Excellent post.
I'd like to add that she is their daughter (albeit through marriage) and has been for a while. These kind of relationships don't just end, especially when someone is liked. Where you need to focus is on being happy with your BF and showing his family how happy you make eachother. Ultimately his parents what his happiness. When they see how happy you make him, they will come around. They will have to grieve the loss of a child though, so it may take some time. Keep your focus positive. Don't try to fight with them about this or lay claim like CG said, just wait it out. They will come around given time.
How long were they married anyway?
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (22 October 2010):
First of all, stop looking at this like it's a war where everyone takes sides. Because you'll wind up in an even bigger mess where your boyfriend will be stuck in the middle of feuding women.
You are, unfortunately, the girlfriend. She is still the wife, she is still the woman who has been married to their son, she is still the woman who happily plays up to them for attention and gets on with them. Even when divorced, they will have known her for a lot longer than you. My Uncle divorced his first wife, who was a fantastic woman and married a woman who promptly insulted everyone, bossed everyone around and trued to lay claim to being my Uncle's woman and that we should all respect that. Everyone cut contact.
The most important thing here is that you and your boyfriend love each other and support each other. What his family thinks really doesn't matter. Stop looking for their love and affection, and work on what you have with your boyfriend. Don't start a war and don't make this into a feud, because you will lose and his ex will be able to smile.
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