A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I really need help, I feel like I'm going insane!! I have been with my boyfriend for three years now, everything's been fine and we love each other to pieces, we plan on marrying in the future. However, the last couple of months his brother has a new girlfriend on the scene, and it's felt like to me she's came straight from hell!! She is barking mad, and I feel like she's making me mad!Basically, my boyfriend's family haven't really bothered with me or made much of an effort to get to know me after 3 years. However, after the first couple of weeks his brother was with her all the family (without me and my bf) are going for meals and drinks. and didn't invite us!! I managed to invite MYSELF to one of the meals and she asked me to go shopping with her which I thought was nice. But it seemed she only invited me to question me about her bf's ex girlfriends!! She is constantly checking his phone, trying to get involved with his family, asking me to text him questions where he is, even gets me to tell her when he's out the shower!The main thing that annoys me is I just feel so left out, I don't want to invite myself to these places out of pride. I've actually felt like splitting up with my bf over this because I just feel like his whole family are against me for no reason. It's like they like her more than me and they don't even know her. What should I do? Should I start getting myself involved with his family, be the same or completely back off?
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female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (9 July 2012):
Hi there. You are in a relationship with your boyfriend - NOT his family!
As you love each other very much, it really doesn't matter too much about what his family thinks or does, surely.
And if you do decide to marry, well then it's your business and it's up to his family to accept the fact or otherwise.
It should not affect how you feel about each other.
Keeping in mind, that it will be him you are marrying - NOT his family.
So from now on, concentrate on being happy with him.
His family can either accept you or not, however you shouldn't let if affect your relationship with your boyfriend.
It's him you will be having a future with - NOT his family.
So don't give them a second thought. It's unimportant.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (9 July 2012):
 This is odd. Your boyfriend never invited you to family gatherings. His family is not very active either. It takes a loud and outgoing person like his brother's girlfriend to change the routine a bit. His brother's girlfriend is outgoing yet paranoid. She is socializing with his family probably because the family is secretive and she wants to fish out information from them. Your boyfriend on the other hand, is comfortable with the status quo and feels relationships should be private and shouldn't mix with in laws. You don't even know what your family thinks about you. They may be passive people and would only socialize to be polite. You should not take it personally and instead focus on building relationship with in laws. Do the initiative of getting to know them. You don't need your boyfriend's opinion on this. You've been with him long enough and you should make your decisions. You should involve with his family because you are interested in knowing them, not because you feel outshined by her and you want to be the better daughter in law. Do what's natural to you.
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