A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been dating my current bf for a little less than a year now. When I got together with my bf, he'd just broken up with his gf not too long. He said she was unfaithful and they had problems long before the breakup. I knew that the girl wanted to get back together with him (at that time) because she would text him, but he would tell her that he's not with her anymore and has moved on. They don't keep in contact with each other at all, but just a few days ago, she'd written a letter to me saying that he was abusive during their 1 year relationship and that I should run at any sign of him being possessive. She said that she was living in constant fear of him because he would accuse her of being unfaithful for no valid reason and yell at her. I'm sure she's nice girl and such, but I can't help but wonder what her intentions are, if she's writing out of spite, or if I really should take notice of her "warnings"? The thing is, I've never been afraid of my bf and I think he is very understanding. But my friends say that he tends to be jealous. So I'm a little confused now. Thanks for any thoughts given.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2008): Thank you guys! I like getting thoughts from both sides of the argument. It helps me to think in a more objective way. At least it won't be too one-sided.
The reason I know the ex wanted to get back together with him in the beginning of our relationship was that I've seen what she'd written. And from what she's written, she was just a lonely girl who'd just come out of a relationship. She's definitely not a psycho bitch. However, she did want to be reunited with him at that time. But I don't think it's the case now.
I would like to find out from other people what happened, but unfortunately I don't have any connections. Therefore, I've sat down and had a chat with my bf, using the same story but as if it's happening to a friend. I have come to the conclusion that he's a protective bf, but definitely not abusive. I'm certainly never afraid of him. I can tell that the girl is insecure about herself and likes to have many male friends to feel well-liked. Perhaps this is why he got possessive. However, physical or emotional abuse is something I cannot tolerate, therefore I will keep aware of any signs of it.
Thank you all again. :)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2008): I would find out from other people what happened during their relationship as thats the only way you can find out the truth. dont tell him about the letter in the meantime.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2008): I am very cynical when it comes to men (have had the most ridiculous experiences!).. but I was once in a situation which I always regret- I left an abusive boyfriend, who later married someone else. 2 months later she committed suicide (!) and I heard it was because he was abusive to her and treated her really badly. I have always felt guilty inside after that, cos I always think that maybe I should have warned her from him from the start. Maybe your guy's ex is trying to warn you too? Also, how do you know for definite that she was still after him? Did you read the texts yourself or did your boyfriend tell you about them? I think you should be careful.. and maybe try and get more information from others who maybe knew of their relationship.. Good luck x x
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (7 January 2008):
 O.K , It sounds like the ex is just trying to get you to stop going out with him. Most likely, but your friends did say he was jealous? In what way? and how do they know and not you? You need to delve into that a bit more, but in a way we are all jealous, if a person flirts with your partner it is natural to be a little jealous even if you know that your partner would not betray your trust.
At the end of the day it simply sounds like his ex is turning into a bit of a loose cannon. I would avoid her like the plague.
But as they say where's there's smoke there's fire. Watch out for warning signs, if your boyfriend starts questioning who your friends are, or tries to control where you go and who you speak to, or his behaviour starts changing he may be working his way up to controlling you more.
At the end of the day though, it sounds like she cheated on him, he dumped her and she cant get over it, what type of person does this make her? She sounds vindictive.
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A
female
reader, KeRrI117 +, writes (7 January 2008):
 For starters never let your bfs jelouse ex into your relationship. Also you have been with him for nearly a year she was with him a year she says he was abusive in that year if it was true he would have been abusive in your relationship by now all she is doing to you is trying to make you paranoid and paranoyya reks a relationship its obvious she wants him back so she will say anything to split use up....
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A
female
reader, Sweet-thing +, writes (7 January 2008):
 I think if your boyfriend was abusive you would've seen that side of him by now. I also think it's strange for a girl who claims she was in constant fear, to try so hard to get him back after their break up. I would retain her letter, but give no more thought to it at this point. I think she's just trying to cause problems between you so she can have him back.
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