A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:This problem may sound silly but although I love my boyfriend very much I am not attracted to his voice. This seems ridiculous as I have known him 2 years and you'd think I could have made that decision on the first date but its not that it irritates me all the time. The thing with it is that when I say something which may annoy him or he doesn't agree with it has a grating, whining tone to it and he raises it to over talk me. When I speak to him on the mobile the tone of his voice is really quite loud and unattractive for a man and sometimes I have to hold the phone away from my ear or turn the volume down. When he talks to me calmly or whispers when we're intimate I am ok. I have realised over time how important a voice is in a partner but I don't know what to do. I think it is hereditary as his father is very loud and overpowering too. Other people have described my boyfriends voice as squeeky or a bit 'piercing' so I don't think its me. The thing is I find myself getting upset or irritated by it and I have said to him on a couple of occasions when I've been pushed "Oh for goodness sake stop your whining tone". To add to this he seems addicted to calling me 'sweety' which I don't feel is quite right - although please tell me if I'm being picky now! Help - does anyone else have these probs? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2008): Yes, you are too picky.
You say you love him, but do you? How could say 'wow, his voice is awful; that means I should end things with him.'?
It sounds like you're trying to find something that's wrong with him because either 1. you've tried to talk yourself into loving him because then you wouldn't be alone, 2. you're trying to talk yourself out of loving him because things are getting serious, or 3. you have self-destructive tendencies because your self esteem is low. Any way, you have the problem, not him. Fix your problem, and you'll stop finding his voice annoying.
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (7 January 2008):
 There are somethings you can change and somethings you cannot change. If you accept him , you accept the whole package. You cannot choose bits and pieces of a person.
When you love him , you can overlook those obnoxious habits but when you have no love, you see faults.
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (7 January 2008):
 Are you being too picky? That depends on whether or not
1) you have other options (are there other people that want to date you as much as him)
2) how important those things are to you really.
You hate that he calls you "sweety"....sounds to me like you feel guilty about wanting to end the relationship, so you are looking for an excuse, and if this is the best you can come up with, then my guess is that there is a deeper issue going on here.
"Sweety"? I wonder how you would feel if he called you a bunch of other less pleasant names...I am sure you can come with a few.
The only time I have ever heard women make mountains out of mole hills like this is when they have a deeper reason to rebel, but feel to guilty for bringing those reasons up.
It sounds to me that you are an audiotory person, and sounds voice and noise are more sensitive for you than others. Also, it sounds to me that on some level he is not addressing some of your emotional needs, and you are using these things as an excuse to find just cause to get angery with him.
-Frank B KErmit
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