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female
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*rausis04
writes: Hello, I would like some advice about ways to deal with my boyfriends ex-wife. She filed for divorce and has regretted it ever since. They have been divorced for two years now. They have two boys together (8 and 5).My boyfriend and I have been seriously dating for 6 months. I am 20 and he is 32. I have a good job and his boys love me. I don't think his ex-wife has much of a problem with me but it is obvious she still wants my boyfriend. She calls constantly!!! 90% of the time she is talking about the boys but it's very rarely anything important. Sometimes she calls to boss him around and tell him "you need to do this" and "you need to do that" and he listens! That's what I hate. She is soooo forgetful she calls all the time asking him dates and times for the boys sports events or school functions. He isn't her calendar! She typically calls when she has the boys (and my boyfriend is alone or with me) Everytime the phone rings and it's her calling I get so upset. What advice do you have for me/my boyfriend to get her to stop calling all the time about nothing and bossing him around.How can I deal with my jealous feelings? She got a boob job and lypo after the divorce and she looks really good. I trust my boyfriend 100%, I honestly believe he doesn't want her, but I hate "sharing" my time with her so she can chit-chat with him or stop by to drop someting off that the boys don't even need at that time. She comes over wearing revealing clothes to try to get his attention. It's really annoying.My boyfriend and I are very compatible and I honestly think if he didn't have those two amazing boys and a crazy ex-wife we would be together forver no questions about it. I really don't want to lose him because of this annoying/crazy ex-wife. help!!!
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male
reader, Thomas17  +, writes (16 November 2006):
 no, you view it as naturally a human would view it.. erm..could you tell us what do you intend to do? your first plans of action?
it would help i think...thank you
A
female
reader, trausis04 +, writes (15 November 2006):
trausis04 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo answer Thomas17's question, the exwife has been dating a man about 15 years older than her who is fighting a hard battle against cancer. As far as my boyfriend knows she has no plans of marrying her new man, it is more like a serious friendship. He has two daughters of his own from a previous marriage ages 8 and 14. The boys constantly complain to their dad about having to do whatever the girls want to do when mommys boyfriend is over. She took the boys to a rated R chick flick because the older girl wanted to see it. She makes the boys watch deal or no deal, survivor, and amazing race habitually because she loves these shows. She smokes heavily (not in her house) but in the car, so when the boys come to their dads their clothes smell terrible. I don't like critisizing the ex because I don't have kids of my own nor am I divorced, but many circumstances like the ones listed above really aggrevate me and my boyfriend. He's just "too nice" and can't stand up to her. I think his ultimate fear is that she is going to take the boys and get full custody. I can't seem to convince him that is harder than she makes it sound.
Also I have a few questions about the 5 year old. I know that children mature at different times, and different speeds but is it common/"okay" that a 5 year old, in kindergarden, is "potty trained" but has accidents a few times a week while playing games, watching tv, or during the night. My boyfriend says he gets too involved and won't step away to use the bathroom. Also, when he's finished using the bathroom he yells for his dad to come wipe his bottom. This really shocked me the first time he did it because my initial reaction was "what does he do when he's at school". He also sucks his thumb every night before he falls asleep. I feel like he is being treated like a toddler not a kindergardner but I don't want to interfere/critisize the way he is rasing his boys. Do I have an unrealistic view of a typical kindergardner? Any suggestions?
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A
female
reader, pica +, writes (14 November 2006):
She's a single mother with two young boys. That's pretty hard. Do you think she should just get own with it herself? It's about responsibility. And so what if she dresses up .. don't you? You know, maybe it's actually not all about you. Kids take a lot of looking after. He has kids and he has major repsonsibilities with them for the next 10 years plus. You need to get used to that if you want to stay with him.
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reader, eire32always +, writes (14 November 2006):
hiya, im sort of in the same situation as u. been with my fiance 3 years now, and his wife is such a nuisance that its unreal. mind you, she doesnt ring as much anymore and i can tell you why. my bf doesnt answer his fone to her and told the kids to say he had no fone now.
my story quickly is:fiance,35 me,22. she called him a paedo etc etc. they been separated 5 years and have 2 adorable girls,12 and 17.
the girls understand what se is like and they help as best they can. although its not fair on them,, they want to help cus they know their daddys happy.
my advice, ask your bf to tell his wife that he is no longer her partner, and that she had need to start standing on her own two feet. obviously he should b in contact for the children;s sake, but there is a limit. its not fair on him and certainly not fair on u. good luck xx
ps as for the plastic surgery, your bf obviously prefers you, so i wouldnt be worryin about her fake bits
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A
male
reader, Thomas17 +, writes (14 November 2006):
lol. boob job+lipo=FAKE.
okok cutting the crap...
does his ex-wife have another BF already? two years isnt enough for her it seems.. maybe she's desperate for love.
well, one thing you can do is to just endure her.. at least she dosent do nasty things to you or something. you could talk to your boyfriend about this.. im sure he would understand. whatever you do, do NOT tell her straight into her face.. its results are catastrophic. trust me, a 15 year old. no. seriously. trust me.
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A
female
reader, Jovial  +, writes (14 November 2006):
 girl i think u need to start building a meachanism of ur own act like she doesnt bother u at all help ur boyfriend to organise himself maybe use a day planner so that whenever she claims to have forgotten everything is prepared for her but never give her the day planner she will claim to have lost it later so that she can keep being nuisance, i know this might sound stupid or impossible bcos to deal with a clingy exwife u have to beat her at her own game, ask her if there is something u can help her with for the boys and dont take crap so that she doesnt walk all over u, which means if u know all the boys plans bit by bit u will be getting rid of her annoyance behaviour, something maybe u dont know is that the more angrier u get the happier she becomes, u are very lucky the boys likes u so u dont have to impress them at all, some women have to deal with the children and the exes which is really mission impossible. also tell ur bf to stand-up 4himself help him see what his ex is doing bcos some men put up with every thing the ex throws at them, and u will ask urself whats wrong with this dude and end up giving up. dont nag, gently win him to urself, if u nag u might push him back to the ex' arms. good luck
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A
female
reader, thenabear +, writes (14 November 2006):
 Well first off and your gonna hate hearing this. He and his ex will always be connected by a common bond. The children. I am with a man who has been divorced twice now and has a daughter from a previouse relationship. she is seven years old. Her mother calls alot about things that I found unimportant. Untill I had one of my own. You need to find a way to understand their parenting arrangment. You also must understand that you are below the children in ranking. It is hard to except a ready made family especially when your younger. The age differnce between you and his kids isn,t that huge. To be honest at your age your not ready to mother children that age. Her acting the way she does and dressing provocativly sound to me like she is either trying to relive her youth, or she has a self esteem issue. Don,t make that your problem. I,m sure she will except attention from any man. His children are a package deal. his ex is a part of that package. Set some rules and guidlines for him to go over with her. like no calling after certain hours or during certain hours. Make it clear what constitutes important.Sound like since the divorce she is unsure of her skills as a mother. Hopefully in time that will pass. When you become a single parent it is hard to adapt to being the main one in charge. Especially when you spent so long having a co-decision maker. In order for your relationship to go on unhinderd though You need to sit down with your BF and set some ground rules that seperates his old life from your new life. Make the requests reasonable, and during each decision always consider what is in the childrens best interst. Then what is in your new relationships best interest. Your embarking on new territory with uncertain turns, and detours. You will not always be ready for what gets thrown at you. WIth time though you will have figured out how to deal with co-existing with his children, the ex and him. If you want this to work you have to work at it.
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