A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriends ex girlfriend keeps trying to get in touch with my boyfriend. They dated for five years and they broke up six years ago. He and I have been together for almost two years. And he's told me their break up was very bad and they never really spoke again. He's also said even though he has kept in contact with other exes, with her it got so bad, he didn't care to even be friendly afterwards. Since I've been with him she periodically tries to get in touch with him. About a year ago, completely out of the blue, she looked him up on facebook and sent him a long apology message. She told him to get in touch, asked if they could grab lunch. Gave out personal info, where she lived, her phone number. He responded politely and simply said maybe sometime in the future but it's not a good time. And just blew her off, as politely as he could. That was a year ago. Now a year later, even after he blew her off, she out of the blue added him on Facebook to which he didn't accept the request only because he knows I wouldn't like that. Naturally I snooped at her profile and saw she has her own boyfriend now! Sooo what is she looking for? Is she still pining over my boyfriend? Oh by the way, I am confident my boyfriend doesn't have feelings for her and I know he loves me. I'm just so curious to know what is going on in her head? What do you think she wants with my boyfriend? Six years later! Any insight would be great.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2013): Thanks guys for responding. K c 100, Im still quite not sure what I said to give you the impression I am on the verge of becoming obsessed with my boyfriend's ex?!?! You said one sentence to vaguely answer my question and went on for three to four paragraphs about how I shouldn't worry about it and to nip my potential obsession with her in the bud.....I would've preferred 3 to 4 paragraphs ANSWERING my question, and if you had to throw it in, one sentence warning of the dangers of potential obsession. I simply asked what I am dealing with, maybe someone had been in the same boat, and could provide INSIGHT to what I asked. Not digress and go on a tangent about something completely unrelated. But...thanks for assuming something that neither is an issue nor in anyway was implicated in my post. Yeah, NATURALLY, like anybody else would've done, I looked at her Facebook profile. Welcome to the real world!
Dear Mandy, thank you for the compassionate response. I think at this point accusing her of harrassment is over the top. I'm hoping if he blows her off enough times she'll get the hint.
So very confused, I thought about that. It must suck to have an ex boyfriend and look back at it as nothing more than a burnt bridge. And maybe she wants to repair it..I don't know.
Thank you for the insight.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (7 March 2013):
 I'm of the belief that folks think that if they remain friends with an ex that it's not a failure then...
maybe she's just trying to not feel like a failure.
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A
female
reader, Dear Mandy  +, writes (7 March 2013):
 HI
When you love someone so deeply, regardless of how things ended it can be very hard to let go. Maybe she leaves it for long periods at a time in hope that one day he will except her back in his life.It's obvious your boyfriend has no interest in her, but if this continues to trouble you both maybe you could speak to the citizens advice burea ? www.citizensadvice.org.uk I think it's safe to say after this long it's harrassment.
I know there is only so much sympathy you can allow for some people, but this would get me down too. Stay strong and just remember it's YOU he loves and YOU who is with ..
Mandy x
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (7 March 2013):
 They had a long relationship, so perhaps she just cant let go. This happens for a lot of women, they are just incapable of getting over certain ex's and they will cling onto them in any way they can.
We can never know what is going on in her head and what exactly she wants to achieve by contacting him, only she knows that.
Stop worrying about her and forget about it, your boyfriend isnt interested and blows her off each time so you have nothing to worry about in that respect. If she wants to sit and think about her ex that is her choice, she can do that as long as she wants but she is not getting anywhere so there really is no need for you to even be thinking about this.
Just as some women cant get over their ex's, some women become obsessed with their boyfriend's ex's and you are in danger of that unless you forget about her and move on. Your boyfriend is behaving perfectly and showing that he has no feelings for her, so there really is no reason for you to even waste a second of your time wondering what is going on with her.
What would knowing what is going on inside her head do for you? What would that bit of information achieve for you? NOTHING. Imagine if the real reason is that she wants him back - how does that help you? Your boyfriend doesnt want her back, so that's the end of it. Knowing what is going on in her head is only going to cause you to get stressed and give you something else to obsess about.
Nip your behaviour in the bud, there is no need to think about her or snoop on her facebook, you are entering dangerous territory by behaving like this and soon you will find yourself obsessing over her. She is irrelevant to you and your relationship, so move on.
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