A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: i need help!! please! my bf's ex gf is constantly in my life. we tried to be friends but she then decided twice to go after him. she always talks about him telling everyone she loves him and soon he will be back with her. we have mutual friends who tells me everything she says and updates him on how she is. one even asked him to call her for she was upset. i love my bf so much and he swears he only wants me. i am so tired of someone who used to be my friend stabbing me in the back.but i want him to cut ties with her on his own. i want him to stand up and tell her enogh is enough. is it wrong for me to ask him to cut ties with her or to to tell her to back off? should i?
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female
reader, bubbloo24  +, writes (22 June 2008):
 I agree with lotus mama808,
Having you go up to her and tell her to back off will only encourage her further as she knows it's getting at you and if she knows she's getting at you, she knows that she's driving a wedge between you and your boyfriend and therefore getting what she wants.
You need to sit your boyfriend down and say " I feel that your ex is constantly in our lives and I feel it's because you haven't told her to back off. If she hears it from you, then she'll know that she has to back off and then when she does, maybe we can be friends but right now, I think she needs to be told. After all, we are in a relationship and she shouldn't be playing such a big part in our lives.
Please, tell her to back off a bit because it's upsetting me that someone who was once so dear to me is trying to take something away from me that I truely want to hold on to."
Or something similar to this.
I must warn you, do not use phrases with "You have" or "She did" because these are accusations and he will immeadiatly stop listening and then defend himself. So use phrase like " I feel that" and "It seems..." because he can't get really angry at you for telling him how you feel, but he will if you accuse him.
I hope this helps and that it all works out for you.
Stand by your man.
xx
A
female
reader, lotty83  +, writes (22 June 2008):
I feel awful for you and this is tricky! Your BF needs to tell her straight that he isn't interested and that anyone putting their fingers in the pie also needs to butt out. Sometimes men enjoy the banter over them,and being wanted etc, so also make sure that's not happening. Your feelings are number one here!! Remember that. Also unless she has no brain she's getting some sure signals from somewhere, pin point exactly where.
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A
female
reader, lotus mama808 +, writes (22 June 2008):
 Not wrong at all, in fact quite necessary! This girl will keep trying harder and harder to get back with him if he dosnt stop feeding her need to see and talk to him. It's up to him, if he is serious about you, he needs to draw the line. Tell him to do just that. If she comes to you, pretending to be buddy-buddy with you, tell her you know she has intentions on being back with your boyfriend, and you'd appreciate it if she would stop being fake around you about it. (I can't stand fake people). I know this must be irritating, express that to your sweetie. You have every right to feel threatned by her!
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