A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have been happily married for a decade. My husband has always had lots of female friends, who I get along with usually. Recently, my husband met a single mum of one and I did not really mind. I went to meet her but she ignored me most of the time and they talked about people I knew nothing about. I put my foot down when she started calling him more than once a day especially at weekends. That reduced, but I just felt he was not taking my feelings into consideration. He would go to her place to help her out and she would call at anytime. I commented to him that I felt threatened because she was more attractive that I which he agreed with. He and she are in constant communication and he is always defending her, saying she has made efforts to be friendly. Am I unreasonable to feel threatened? He says she does not have any close friends and is lonely, but I felt that calling up to 4 times a day was a bit much. He does not feel it is. I really am at my wits' end. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, wildman  +, writes (23 June 2008):
 I agree with setting boundaries but I do not think it necessarily means a relationship is going on.
I feel the lonliness part myself with my wife also. I don't see anything wrong with having female friends to talk to. It does seem like to need to do something to focus more of his attention on you, maybe try changing a little and find something exciting you both can do together.
A
female
reader, Midge +, writes (22 June 2008):
 I dont think you are being unreasonable at all, but I do think that you need to be clear about bounderies here. He obviously isnt too sure about where bounderies start and end and this is where the problems are coming in.
You need to sit down and talk to him about how you feel. My mum and dad have this issue all the time because my dad is the biggest flirt you can meet but it is totally harmless, but it hurts my mums feelings by him going to visit woman all the time. He has a LOT of friends and 90% of them are woman, so you can imagine that it doesnt sit well with mum at all.
However, my parents have bounderies. My dad now knows where he stands and so does my mum. His friends were calling him all hours of the night with problems and asking him to come and fix things for them. My dad is 66 and most of these woman are in their 30s. My mum is 56 so you can see that they will be much younger and fresher than my mum which makes her feel very threatened.
My dad now gets very few calls from his lady friends but he does make the effort to go and visit them a couple times a week. My mum and dad set bounderies like: (1) no phone calls from his friends after 9pm at night and a maximum of twice a day depending on the urgency of the call. (2) He can visit them at most twice a week and they can come to the house a maximum of twice a week.
It sounds totally rediculous to most people but you dont know how much it can effect you until you are threatened in such a way. As I say my dad is such a flirt and although harmless some people may look upon his flirting as a little more and if that got back to my mum, it would spell divorce. And that is the last thing you want.
I hope my rambling has given you some indication as to what you need to do. Let us know how it goes.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2008): are you blind they are having a relationship,make him choose you or her its that simple
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