A
female
age
30-35,
*onesOfBabyDolls
writes:Hello all. I recently started dating a man who I have cared for deeply for a very long time. When my exboyfriend left me, he was really good to me and let me know that I was worth something, even if my ex didn't think so.We've been friends for about a year, and started dating recently. The thing is... His divorce isn't final.He is still legally married to his wife, even though they haven't been together in over a year. I know for a fact that there's nothing between them, she just refuses to sign the papers. I've gone with him to file them, and I've watched as he put them in the mail, I've also been there when the envelope comes back full of shreds.Should I be concerned that this girl is going to get in the way in the future?
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divorce, my ex Reply to this Question
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male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (7 December 2009):
 Legally, I do not think that shredding the papers avoids a court action.
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (7 December 2009):
Clearly, yes, this is a problem.
I don't know what he's done to the poor woman but he needs to go round there and make peace with her.
Tell him he needs to go and make friends with her again, and give her some closure so SHE can feel ready to move on too.
If that means she gets to yell at him for 3 hours then he can stand there and take it from her.
She needs to forgive him enough to let him go.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (7 December 2009):
She is going to avoid signing those papers as much as possible. I don't know how it is in America, but in Britain the law was changed a long time ago to prevent this. After two years of living apart, a divorce can be finalized without signatures. My recommendation would be to speak to a lawyer to find out how to proceed. His wife is on a revenge mission, or she's deluded herself that he's coming back. You need legal advice. Hopefully, the law will be the same over there, in which case he might be able to get a divorce later next year, though I know it will take time. Speak to a lawyer.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2009): Obviously she is going to be a problem as long as she refuses to sign the papers. The cool thing is that marriage is totally voluntary whether she likes it or not. Have him get a lawyer, man up, and confront her. Once it's done I doubt she will ever come back beating down the door.
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A
female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (7 December 2009):
this happens in 50% of cases. The legal route is that if the other party refuses to sign the divorce papers, then if everything else is in order, the judge will grant the divorce by default once your boyfriend files an appeal. You don't need both parties to actually append their signatures for a divorce to be possible. Alternatively she can be be served with a subpoena and be forced to appear in divorce court or face arrest. As for her interfering in your relationship, the only way she can be hell for you is if we has his child. But they never had children then eventually she will have to move on
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2009): Well- I assume that "since there's nothing between them" that they have NO KIDS, and after the divorce is done, that there is no reason that these two should ever contact on another.Sounds as if his ex is going to throw every roadblock she can at him. If he's mailing the papers it sounds as if he's trying to go cheap on the divorce and not hire an attorney. If that's the case he may have to pull out a bigger gun and go after her. At a certain point she's not going to be able to continue this cute little trick, or no one would ever go to court. One thing to consider, laws vary state by state, and as they're still married she has some legal rights, and tehy continue to go on. For example, she may have the right to get 50% of all of his earnings towards his retirement. So all the money he's put in his 401K, in the last year, she could get half. He could even be liable for her debts, depends on the state.He needs to get real about this divorce and start having the papers prepared by a law firm, have her served by a process server- at work preferably... and let her shred the papers and send them back. The lawyers will know how to proceed from there. She doesn't hold all the power she thinks she does.
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