A
female
age
30-35,
*rigger18
writes:I think i need some solid advice here... the story is that at the moment i feel really down. i have spoken to my bf about it but he dosent think that im as depressed as i think i am. as it is at the moment money from my part is really tough. ive been recently off sick from work because of an operation i have had to try and sort out my cerabral palsy. this seems to be bringing my money issues out. i cant afford to live rite now. i live with my bf and his dad. his dad is really concerned about my rent although i dont have the rent. he said that i cant live here unless i pay my rent which i understand completly. however a recent conversation with my bf has brought to light something that i didnt know.my bf told me that his dad dosent like me. his dad thinks im selfish and too snappy. i feel like now that im back that he may be pretending to get along with me. i dnt know how im supposed to cope. i did offer to move out but my bf wont hear of it because he loves me too much to let me do that. but the money is still a big issue. im in debt with a couple of people and i hate it. i know i have to pay them back as son as poosible and intend on doing so but the whole situation at home is makeing me feel really on edge. from wot my bfs dad has said it has made me question my actions and who i am. i havent a clue what im doing anymore. Before u say to get counselling i cant afford that either. At the moment my bf is paying my rent for me so that i can be here with him. but i feel like i cant eat cuz its not my food i havent paid for it and im trying to make up for my lack of money by doing jobs around the house but the feeling about the food has caused me to pretty much stop eating. i eat once a day and thats it. im only little and soon that will take its toll. Its stressing me out to the max. making me highly emotional and breaking into really weird mood swings.my bf said that his dad is only concerned about money and that he hates woman which makes me feel even more uncomfortable to be here. my bf said that even if i try my best his dad would find other excuses. i apparently have until christmas to change myself otherwise im being kicked out. im really scared. i dont know wot to do. i am expecting statutory sick pay soon but dont know if thats going to be enough. please please help me thanks x
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female
reader, Miss Nita  +, writes (9 December 2009):
Hi Trigger,
Im so sorry that you are facing health issues and housing issues at the same time. One problem is troubling enough alone, two is just too much and anyone would be losing it. Try not to be so hard on yourself and take it one step at a time.
Ask your boyfriend and his dad for a meeting to discuss the problem. Its best to do this when things are pretty good not in the middle of a tiff. If you arent brave enought then get your boyfriend to set it up for all three of you to sit down for 10-15 minutes.
State the facts about your health and your money situation and how this has you very worried, and express your appreciation of their support while you are going through this challenging time. (Remember its not forever, this will pass)
Ask what you can do to make a contribution the household in lieu of money. Are there chores that you can do? Are you good at something that they arent, like the finances? Be creative and honest about what you can and cant do with your health as it is. But make sure that you have honestly expressed your appreciation, aknowledged that you are sharing his home and you want to give back.
This should take about 15 minutes with their replies and what not. Ask the dad and the boyfriend to give you their ideas in a couple days, not right now and end the meeting. This is important, if you have too say you have an appointment and leave.
This will show your boyfriend and his dad that you are sincere and serious about both your health and your relationships. Regardless of the results, you and they will recognize that you reached out with dignity and caring to face a difficult situation. I think this might make you feel better about yourself which is crucial right now.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (9 December 2009):
You're in Britain, and if you go to your doctor, they can refer you to counselling as part of your treatment. I'm afraid there's little you can do, though to be honest it's more about what your boyfriend can do. He has to stand up for you. I would have a serious discussion with your boyfriend and tell him you are really depressed, and tell him that you're worried his father is going to force you out. I'm afraid it's time for your boyfriend to stick up for you. You must eat, and to be honest, I would recommend moving out with your boyfriend. Do speak to your doctor though, they can help.
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