A
male
age
36-40,
*inoy.
writes:Hi sorry this question is going to be really long with the details and such.Me and this girl dated for 3 years. You could say she was my first love. I was her first love too. Our relationship was wonderful she was tight with my family i was tight with hers and it seemed as we where inseparable. The only problem was i was insecure as it was my first real relationship and yea that was a big issue for us. But a year ago on my birthday she planned a surprise party for me dinner and a hotel at that time we where on a break and i was so happy because i thought we had worked out our issues and we would be getting back together. I was wrong. She had officially ended everything on my birthday. I was devastated. For the first 6 months after we broke up i had applied no contact and would avoid the places she went too. It would just hurt me. She then got into another relationship. 7 months after the break up out of no where i would be getting texts from her ( i don't know how she got my new number ) saying she remembered how i liked something and she got it for me because she was on vacation. And id be getting texts like what are you doing tonight you better come chill.During that no contact i actually thought i was over her and then when i saw her at the club feelings came back. she approached me said hi and i said hi and i kept it small talk and just acted really confident and said it was nice seeing you. After that there was many encounters of me seeing her but it seemed like wherever i was hanging out at , at the club she would be right there as well talking to my bois or talking to me. And every occasion at the end of the night she would start to cry for no reason and text me the next day saying sorry for being to drunk or whatever. My freinds told me one of the nights she said she really missed me and stuff like that.During this whole time i have been seeing other girls hooking up with them but nothing serious. Im not really into getting into a relationship after a long one i just wnat to work on myself and work on life.Every time i go to that same club shes always there and she sees me with a girl shes all over the girl that whole night for some odd reason. Why does she do that? 9 months after the break up, we talk casually on black berry messenger or text. i never ever initiate the conversation first but we talk bout whatever or she just tells me news about her life how her modelings going and everything. One night we were talking and we planned to go out to a place on sunday and we got drunk and went over to my buddies place and she kept saying stuff like oh i know you i dated u for three years i know u very well. WE went upstairs and she was trying to grab my phone n look through it and it never happened. so me being a drunk idiot i was just like lets just hook up and we did. no intercourse or whatever but other things. Next day she felt bad and was like i hope my boyfriend doesn't find out about this blah blah blah ive never cheated before. I regret doing it. Around the beginning of the month of my birthday bout almost a year since she broke up with me. we had still talked to eachother and we would secretly hang out at clubs or events without her boyfriends knowledge and kissed and been intimate. One night around that month we went out did the most random thing and she came along we ended up at my friends house and had sex. she cried right after and said she still missed me and still loved me. i didn't say anything just comforted her. She told my friend what happened the next day and said that she had a dream about us being together again and stuff like that. She told me she didn't regret what happened but didn't want anyone finding out because she didn't want to be accused of being a cheater to everyone. So the following weekend we saw eachother in the club and it was all good. we where kissing and stuff. During the time period i realized like What the fuck are you trying to do to me. At this time i was kinda with another girl. So i was like why are u playing these games with me i was angry so we met up and talked. I told her what does she want why is she acting like this you have a boyfriend. I told her that no matter what ill always love her because she was my first love you know and she said the same thing. I was like what you want me to just drop everything and be with you again and she was like no shes just confused because her boyfriend couldn't compare to how i was with her and i told her that what you get for breaking up with me. I even told her i didn't want to be friends unless she breaks up with the dude and we could start being friends and go from there. and see what happened because i could never trust her again for what she did. she was like OK we should stop talking and see how it works out. That night We went our separate ways.Been like a year and couple months since we broke up and im still confused. I heard she talks shit about me and denies the fact we had sex. i lost 3 girls because of her during this time. Im over the girl but i don't get what shes doing. Shes starting to talk to my family again getting tight with them. Trying to make plans with me but i stand her up. And just recently on my friends birthday she was there and for some odd reason at the end of the night she had devised a plan where she had to come with me and we ended up at her friends house while her boyfriend was at the club too but didn't end up at the friends house. That night we hooked up again. It seems every time i chill with her or we do stuff she always refers me to as her ex to everyone and always talks about the past of why we broke up. She tells me that her and her boyfriend are just like roommates. well thats what she tells me. Just for the record i had never told her that i still have feelings for her or miss her or anything like that.Yea so this is my question sorry for the long story but what is my ex girlfriends intentions? Like i told her if you ever get lonely you can call me and we'll hook up but is there something else behind it. We talk daily on text ( she initiates everything)
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Male20  +, writes (9 December 2009):
yeah yu most likely will always care about your first love. i can understand you wanting to know but sometimes chasing this to find out can end in tears.
maybe its best to accept that the relationship has ended, therefore even if she does miss you or whatever it isnt going to end up inn you two been in a healthy relationship again
A
male
reader, pinoy. +, writes (9 December 2009):
pinoy. is verified as being by the original poster of the questionmale 20
thanks for the response. i am wondering why shes doing this is because i want to know if she misses me , regrets breaking up with me u know realizing that she still loves me or is she playing a game like quirklady says just wants me to herself. what i want is i dont want to be her friend i dont mind hooking up wit her. but as u all know ull always have that soft spot in your heart for your first love right?
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A
male
reader, pinoy. +, writes (9 December 2009):
pinoy. is verified as being by the original poster of the questionquirklady.
thanks for the advice. you are so right. i dont mind hooking up with her with no emotional attachment though. if she wants to have sex then why not right? im not the one cheating.
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A
female
reader, QuirkLady  +, writes (9 December 2009):
 I honestly would never trust someone who broke up with me on my birthday, and from the rest of the story you don't have any reasons to trust her whatsoever. It sounds like she is working hard on having you as her backup boyfriend while she still dates the other guy.
However, if she is willing to cheat on her boyfriend and have sex with you behind his back, the odds are good that she will do the same to you. Plus, if she was being straightforward, she would have broken up with her boyfriend and gotten back with you instead of doing all this underhanded "let's meet in the back alley" stuff.
In all honesty I see a girl who wants to have her cake and eat it too. A regular boyfriend and a backup guy that she can run to whenever she gets bored. She runs off any other women that might be interested in you so she can have you all to herself. Forget all this crap because it does nothing but confuse you. Find a new girl, one who is single and respects other people's relationships, and then end the contact with your ex. Don't hang out with her, don't go anywhere with her, and definitely don't have sex with her.
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, Male20 +, writes (9 December 2009):
hmm i can imagine its frustrating for you.
looking at it in simple terms (because im only hearing your interpretation of the events) then i would say a few things.
1) she isnt ready to let go of you fully
2) she wants to be more than friends
however.. the only way this matter will get resolved is if you figure out what you want and go through with it.
i know you have mentioned that you are over this girl but i ask myself the question.. if you truely are then why are you bothered what she is doing?
there is two possible options for you.
1) be with this girl
2) dont be with this girl
(friends thing isnt an option because of the feelings attached - yours and her brain will be in this pickle for longer and longer.
if you decide you wana be with her, approach her in a way of taking things further (dont ask her outright)
if you decide you dont want her.. cut contact, tell her to not speak to you untill she is clear in her own mind what she wants.
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