A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:Me and my boyfriend have been dating for a little over a year now. I’m 19 he’s 22. Up until about three months ago he had been in communication with his obsessive ex, texted her and talked on the phone with her once because she had some drama about him she wanted him to her. I told him numerous times to get rid of her and she finally is after so much. He also keeps contacting females from his past who he slept with. They’ll say hey and he’ll reply “hey me” is makes me super uncomfortable. His excuse is that he gets board and replies without thinking. I’ve lost it over these things before thinking it would stop. Two days ago me and my Bf were riding in the car and he was on FaceTime with a friend. He then gets a call from someone names joe. I’m like whatever. Then he starts acting weird turning the phone away so i can’t see the name not knowing i already saw it. He then accidentally answers it and a female says hey. I was like did a girl just say hey on your phone. He got defensive as hell which really upset me and was kind of denying it. Then he wouldn’t tell me her name which ended up not being joe. He goes out to the bar every Friday night with his friends while I’m at work until 2 am. This is when he got her number. I asked what ethnicity she was because he has been watching Spanish girls a lot on Instagram and he took FIVE minutes to tell me she’s Spanish. (We both blavk). She and a lot of the other girls he texts are like around 25. He swears he doesn’t really have conversations with them like he just says hey and stuff but he shouldn’t be texting anyone else like that period. I’m so insecure and I don’t know what to do. He says he basically can’t help himself and that it won’t be like this forever and he will change. He swears he hasn’t cheated yet physically. My mind is so confused on what to do or if our relationship can be fixed by finding trust. PLEASE HELP
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female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (19 June 2019):
 Its called R-E-S-P-E-C-T. Demand it for yourself and from yourself. This guy is just batting you around like a cat would with a mouse...playing with you..seeing how much you will take. You deserve better. Stand up and say "NEXT!" and get him out of your life. The longer you stay with him the longer he will mess you up.
A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (19 June 2019):
 Really? Are you this desperate?
How can he make it anymore obvious? He’s saving girls in his phone as male names. He holds conversation with every female that contacts him, he stayed in touch with a drama attached ex. These really aren’t positive signs.
He has no respect for you at all, if he did then he wouldn’t be putting you in these situations. I wouldn’t ever think of being in contact with people that I have a history of that may make my partner uneasy, just as I would expect her not to do the same towards me, that’s just a mutual respect. The fact that he has no issue doing this and blaming it on boredom? Why can’t he speak to his male friends? Get a hobby for goodness sake, why does he have to speak to women he’s slept with? Absolute bullshit.
I’d be very surprised if he’s not already cheated and I think you’d be really naive to stay with someone like this. Sounds like he wants the best of both worlds, the freedom to speak to anyone whilst having a GF to fall back on when he sees fit.
You can do better.
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A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (19 June 2019):
 He is making you insecure when it should be the total opposite, so why stay with someone like that? What I learnt the hard way is respect starts with respecting yourself by not tolerating being treated like this. That you can control unlike his choices. Set yourself a standard from here on now and empower yourself for future relationships. Time to kick this dude to the curb. At 19 dont waste your precious time on someone like this.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2019): You know he's a cheat and you've got the in-your-face evidence!!!
He still talks to his ex! Who just so happens to be disrespectful of you, and your current relationship. He shows you even more disrespect by contacting her! Not only her, but other women as well! He's even exchanging numbers with females he meets at the bar!
Girlfriend! You've got to learn, like so many other young women; when it is time to kick a knuckle-headed two-bit player to the curb!!! You don't love him, you're intrigued by him. You're infatuated with the idea of him. You love the drama!
I don't know if it's because you're addicted to his penis; or he can just do no wrong? In any case, you're letting him walk all over you; and you think fussing and throwing a hissy-fit will pull him inline.
It won't!
If there are no serious consequences for his actions; he knows you're hooked and thirsty like all the other silly girls he plays! You've been together a year, and I know it has been like this the whole entire time! That ex flying overhead like a hungry vulture. Keeping a wedge between you and your boyfriend; while waiting for your relationship to die. He loves being in the middle! Watching two women fight over him. He tells his boys about it! He brags about it!
He calls your bluff, and knows all your huffing and puffing doesn't mean anything. He gets-off on making you jealous! It makes him feel like a stud! He also thinks you're just another dumb inexperienced-female in over her head.
He's an experienced player. He'll just toss you on the bed, talk some sappy sweet-talk, tell you he loves you; and you'll purr like kitten. Works every time!
When a man won't respect you, he will play you! He will bring home STDs, and make a fool of you! While you're cussing and screaming, acting all indignant, and beneath yourself! Foolishly thinking you'll make him behave like he should. He knows you're afraid he will just go to one of his other women. You're right, he will! That's how players roll! Why you won't let him go!
You're too young to be dealing with a player his age, and you're going to end-up pregnant, without your degree, and a struggling single-mother. That's the fate of a young woman who lets men walk all over her. Too in-love to listen to her common-sense; or her mother and father! Usually, there is no father is in the home these days! If there was, he'd keep sonny-boy in-check! Lest you lied about his age, or you're seeing him in secret?
Where's your father? Are you attending college? Does your mother approve of your boyfriend?
He's going to leave you with your head messed-up. You won't be able to trust men; and you'll make the same mistake with men, over and over. You apparently like the bad-boys!
They're toxic!
You'll keep going after his type, trying to figure-out how to tame one. Thinking if you can, you'll reclaim your lost self-esteem and self-respect! You'll become one of those women always searching for men to validate her...always the wrong men!
It only takes one to screw you up!
Let me educate you, sweetheart! You don't tame a player, you run from them!
I'm telling you what a father should be telling you!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (19 June 2019):
 Why are you with him?
He doesn't respect you and quite frankly.. calls you boring. So HIS excuse it it's OK to say hey to other women. Do you REALLY think it stops at hello?
He is looking for greener grass. To boost his OWN ego by talking to other women.
And no, you can't trust him at all. Whether or not he has physically cheated is kind of moot point, OP He is ACTING like a single fella and doesn't REALLY give a single F whether this is inappropriate in a relationship or not. (and I think it is, so do you).
I bet you, IF you were talking to guys from your past that you have had relationships with or just sex he wouldn't be very happy at all.
Just let him go, OP He needs to grow up.
Don't forget YOU are in charge of HOW you let others treat you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2019): You can't fix this and I don't think he'll change anytime soon. What he's doing is disrespectful and hurtful to you. He's obviously not ready to be in a relationship.
The best way to stop feeling insecure and confused is to dump him. Block him on all social media and your phone and move on. You're only 19 so you have lots of time to shop around, have fun and enjoy the single life.
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