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age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: My Boyfriend is moving out of his apartment next week and told me today that a coworker has offered to help us move. The coworker is a convicted child molester. He molested and abused a 5 year old child. I sincerely do not want to be around this man. When my boyfriend told me he would be helping we had a talk about it. He said the man has changed and is a Christian now. I am a Christian and am unsure how to handle this. Plans have apparently already been made by my boyfriend and his coworker. I am extremely uncomfortable with this man being there. My issue is that I am a Christian and know that you should always forgive. My boyfriend says the man has changed his life around from how he used to be. I've never met this man and the only think I know about him is that he molested a 5 year old some year ago. The thought of having to be around this guy is making my stomach tie in knots. Over the years I have known quite a few people who were sexually abused as children. I really don't want to have to be around this man.I'm upset that I've been put in this situation and don't know how to proceed. My options are: 1. Accept it, I would probably be uncomfortable all day. 2. Say No to this man, I would probably feel guilty over whether that was the Christian thing to do or not. 3. Tell my boyfriend I can't help him move, again I'd feel guilty and seeing as I can back to town specifically to help him move it would be a wasted trip. Can anyone help me and show me the right thing to do?
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female
reader, TasteofIndia  +, writes (19 June 2011):
 I think we have a What Would Jesus Do question here... I can completely understand your reservations about this guy. I'd feel icky too.
However, I agree - I think this is a challenge for you. There are people out there who have made huge mistakes, cruel mistakes, but that does not mean that we can avoid them or treat them differently (with the exception of safety - you probably don't want to invite this guy to a picnic with kids). Leave the judgement to God, if you please. It is your job to be as loving and warm as you can - even to people that it's uncomfortable to do so with. The right thing to do is often not the easiest thing to do. And it seems to me that spiritually, giving this guy a chance is the right thing to do.
This guy is trying to be helpful to you and clearly trying to live a new life. I think the least you can do is give him a shot to do something good. While you don't have to like him, and you don't need to be his best friend, you can at least let him try to help others - I suspect trying to make amends for damage he's done to the universe already. At least he's trying. That's something.
If you'd like, you could always be there, say hello - thanks for helping, and then you can go off and get some coffee or something and leave the guys to do the bulk of the work.
Good luck!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2011): Accept it and view it as a challenge to you.
Try not to think about the crimes and try not to focus on feeling uncomfortable.
You don't have to make friends with the man, but I suggest trying to accept his help. Remember, he is a human-being as well. Despite his crimes, his humanity deserves to be recognized.
Could you imagine trying to recover from something horrible and then finding out nobody will acknowledge you?
I think it is fair to meet him one time, especially considering he will be helping you and your boyfriend apparently approves as well.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2011): I don't think you should change your opinion just because your bf has said that hes change now, they NEVER change, i don't care what other people say about pedophiles but i have delt with them my whole life and they do not change they just get better at hiding it..
Tell your bf again that you don't feel comfortable with this and that you cant help him move, your not doing anything wrong, your just expressing your views and your feelings.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (19 June 2011):
 tell your guy to find someone else to assist and ask him to respect your wishes on this. I know I would be unwilling to have the man in my home. Children are sacred and must be kept safe. Although it sounds like you do not yet have children I would be concerned if the friendship continued outside work. Just in case he ever regressed to the behavior that got him in trouble before.
It is great that the child molester did get his life on track. But even future children need protection from potential harm
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2011): I am guessing you trust your boyfriend, considering ya'll are together. So, trust your boyfriend's judgement. He would not put you, or anyone in harms way.
I can understand how uncomfortable this may be. But...doesn't God forgive? Why can't you? I'm not saying this guy didn't do anything, but...I have a friend, and her father was put to prison for molesting a minor...that wasn't even true. After he spent years in prison-the girl finally admitted she lied. Maybe this guy didn't do anything wrong..or maybe he did. But...people CAN change, and better themselves. He is probably ashamed, looked down on, has no confidence, shy, scared, and rejected. He deserve it, HOWEVER- he did his time, and he got his conquence...he would have to live with YOUR judgement and everyone else's for the rest of his life.
Trust your boyfriend.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2011): I commend you for having the heart to forgive, but just because you forgive someone doesn't mean you need to forget, or do something that makes you feel so uncomfortable! What if you had a five year old? Just because you forgive this man I'm sure you wouldn't want him around your child.
Maybe you could try to find someone else to help you move and just tell your boyfriend this mans help is no longer needed but you appreciate the thought.
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