A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone. I've been dating my boyfriend for almost a year. We recently started talking about moving in together. I felt anxious about that cause although we get along very well, I still think we're in the "honeymoon" period or something. Anyway, I've been working a lot lately and this Saturday, there was a HUGE fair. I invited him to come along with me and my godchild. My godchild is VERY important to me, I've been taking care of her since she was born. Late night feedings, diaper changes, took the bus from school to pick her up from daycare every day-she thought I was her mom until she turned two. She's ten now and we're very close, I pay for her after-school classes, clothes, shoes etc. I love her dearly.Anyway, he agreed to come to the fair with us but acted like an ass in the car. Wouldn't talk, kept fidgeting etc. Once there, he calmed down a bit but wouldn't really participate.Later he apologized. I asked him about it and he said something along the lines of: "I kept thinking that I'm 28 years old and shouldn't be doing this but then, I thought it's okay cause I was with you." But then, I sort of tested him, I asked: "Do you feel like you're dating a mom?"His answer was: "I didn't want to say it but yes."Now, he's only hung out with me and my godchild on four separate occasions within the almost year we've been together. This is bothering me a lot. I said: "Sorry you had terrible time, I only meant to spend time with both of you since I've hardly seen you both and won't be able to for the next two weeks." He answered: "Just choose to hang out with her then. I don't mind." He denied having a bad time but still...He's a nice guy and of course, it's his right not to want to do something. He could have declined too. But, I must admit, I'm incredibly turned off. So much so that I turned down an evening with him to do laundry I could have done another time. I just feel disappointed and apprehensive...what happens if my godchild comes over for dinner or movies? Is he going to act like he did again? It's incredible really...he's made jokes about me liking "lame" things in regard to activities I enjoy with my godchild. Now, I'm thinking he meant these jokes. He's a grad student and still wants to party etc. Me, I don't mind every once in a while, but my head is in other places. Am I making too much of this? I've never felt so turned off towards him...Just a week ago I felt like I was really falling for him. He's sweet, caring, affectionate and I don't think he'd ever intentionally hurt me. I'm supposed to meet his parents next month. What should I do? Sorry this was so long.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (13 April 2016):
 Anon female of april 13th, actually there's a reason why some of us choose to not focus strictly just on the question.
It's because, much more often than not, the past explains, or at least helps to understand, what's going on in the present. And because if we only focus on " just the facts, ma'am "- out of a specific context, without at least a bit of background, we tend to give very superficial, one-size -fits-all answers.
Take this OP, for instance. The standard, logical answer would be : hey if you are turned off you are turned off ! You feel what you feel, it's not that you are doing it on purpose to feel a certain way. So any time there's a turn off- just kick him to the curb , girl, and wait for the next perfect boyfriend and future devoted stepfather.
Putting things in a context ( what happened before, and why... ) MAY ( or may not, granted :) help the poster to scratch a bit more under the surface . In this case , for instance, the OP's story is behind certain vulnerabilities,as pointed out by Janniepeg,; and certain expectations about the relationship that her partner should have with her niece, and she may want to reflect up to which point these expectations are rational, legitimate and also likely to be met in general. She expects things go in a certain way and men to react in a certain way to a situation that for her is absolutely normal; but for some men it feels challenging or weird or difficult to deal with, or... simply , not what they had signed up for. And they may react in a way that the OP did not expect.... without this, though, necessarily meaning that they will be bad guys or unfit partners for her or unfit fathers in future.
Of course then it's totally up to the OP deciding if this one ( so far ) failure by her bf to meet her expectations can be lived with, or if for her it's a dealbreaker. If she decides it is a deal breaker, as it is surely her right to do, it may be wiser in future relationships not to take anything for granted , not to assume anything, and state clearly that 1 ) this is a case of " love me , love my niece " and 2 ) she is only looking for a domestically inclined , family oriented type with strong fatherly instincts .
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2016): I don't understand why everybody is focusing on your past and the relationship with your godchild and not your question. His behavior is a deal breaker for me. It shows that he does not care and respect you enough to keep his attitude to himself for just few hours, he wasn't hanged by his balls right? someone He can't control his frustration for spending few hours with a child that he knows is very important for you, how can you count on him if somethings serious happens?! God forbid. I would think hard and take it very slow with him. He has more tests to pass!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2016): Previous anon male here.OP, you have my sympathy as you were incredibly ill-served by the adults in your life. For them to have thrust the title of godmother upon a self-described shy, reclusive, depressed 14-year-old for purposes of exploiting her into serving as an unpaid full-time nanny is absolutely despicable.Had I been aware of the circumstances I would have called Child Protective Services (on your behalf as well as your niece's) and reported the priest to his diocese. NO 14-year-old should be expected to care for a child full-time due to his/her breeders' irresponsibility and his/her grandmother's inability to provide adequate care. Also you must be aware that you have no legal standing in your niece's life and so at any minute her breeders could swoop in, regain custody from your mother, and move hundreds of miles away without any legal challenge you could mount. I concede my using the word "obsessional" may have been harsh, but fact is that the bond you share with your niece has its basis in a very unhealthy origin which most people would consider unacceptable, and your continuously referring to your niece as your godchild suggests to me that you do indeed consider yourself to be her mother. Ironic that you say you're not ready for kids but you've effectively been a parent for ten years.If I were your boyfriend I'd be very concerned about your attachment to a child who isn't your own and of whom you don't have legal custody, and I'd be reluctant to move in together on the assumption that your niece would become an intrusive presence in my life. I still respectfully suggest you seek counseling as you've experienced much upheaval in your life and, as previously stated, your niece may be filling huge emotional voids in your life that go far beyond being her aunt and her godmother.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (12 April 2016):
Erm, not to be nitpicky, but ... whatever culture you may belong , the Code of Canon Law is only one and it applies to any culture and location all over the world. . Code of Canon Law, comma 874, specifies that among the requirement for being a godfather / godmother, there's an age of 16 and over. It is true that the Bishop, in exceptional situations and for very serious reasons can authorize disattending this age clause- but I doubt any priest in his right mind would quote as a serious, impelling reason " the aunt is a good kid and teaches Sunday school "... he would risk getting himself defrocked, lol - or at least, rapped hard on his knuckles by a disgruntled Bishop..
Obviously I am not blaming you , OP, you did what you have been asked to - but perhaps it's lamentable that you had to grow up in an environment where people " gotta do what they gotta do " , according to its convenience and practicality , ( including the priest ! ) regardless of evident social , moral and psychological boundaries. The rules are simple , OP ; a 14 y.o is a schoolkid, she does not "take care" a baby , in the sense of becoming a surrogate mother, at an age when she is not even allowed to vote, drive, or sign a contract. It's up to the adults in their life to come up with some other solutions, ANY solution that does not involve her.
Maybe it's because the adults in your life have been so reluctant to take full responsibility, that you had to compensate taking on yourself way more than your fair share. And ending up being, de facto, a single mom rather than a caring aunt.
Now don't get me wrong, objectively what you have done is wondrous and noble. But , it may be a type of situation that people raised according to different,less elastic codes of conduct can't understand, can't relate to, can't feel comfortable with. I think that the "too late " honesty of your bf simply means that he tried, he tried his best, because he cares about you, and... still does not like it and does not get it. He does not get why you do have to bring along on dates your niece ,for instance. If you actually were a single mom, maybe- he would have known what he was getting himself into. But the way things are, you are judging him severely for his present and maybe future inadequacy ....to a role he never wanted and never signed up for. How fair is that ? ( And I guess he's aware of that unfairness too ).
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (12 April 2016):
 I think you have associated party types as absent parental beings and you worry your god child would suffer. It reminded the times when you and your father separated. When your boyfriend acted standoffish, it trigged the anxiety of being abandoned, just like your niece was by her parents. Some how partiers become the archetype of selfish, hedonistic, heartless beings who cause hurt to a lot of children. You also worry that your boyfriend won't be able to understand you because of different backgrounds. He's a 28 year old student (master's, right?) so I think if he's able to take the time to do research in his field, he's able to take the time to get to know you, and your relationship with your niece.
When a person gets silent, we get anxious and try to fill the words in his mind. It's okay to ask him what he's thinking. He could be asking in his mind, "how come she's acting like a mom, that's too strong for a bond between god mother and god child. Would she ask me to be a god father too? If she does, I have to pass because I don't know how to be one."
He does not express his mind too much because he's not sure what to say, and what to keep to himself but if you ask him he would respond honestly. Now there's silence between you two one of you has to reach out. Maybe for you, the relationship is over already and you didn't even feel like asking him what it's all about.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2016): Wow...Reading through this, I do thank everyone for their input but I need to clarify a few things. *Note: in my culture, you can be a godparent below 16 if the parent wishes and the priest makes an exception. I had both my communion and confirmation by the time she was born and was considered "mature" because I was in volunteering programs and assisted during Sunday school. I am no longer a practicing Catholic but even my own godmother was I think 15 or so. I am NOT obsessive about my godchild. When I said she saved my life, I mean it in the sense of: I was very depressed and kept up a very good front for both friends and family. Because I took care of her, I began to see things differently. As in, I started to accept that life was a gift no matter what. I stopped wanting to engage in destructive behaviors. I'm living at home currently so yes, she does live with me. Would I have to take her if I move out? No. My mother has custody. Paying for a college? No, I'm not expected to. Ti-Sha, I'm not offended by your suggestion, I appreciate your concern. No, it wasn't an ideal situation but what else could we do? My mom worked two jobs, my half brother never wanted a child and neither did the mother. Yes, adoption could have been an option but it wasn't. They gave parenthood a few feeble attempts and then, disappeared. My comment about being "better-adjusted" is my way of saying that although some past events still sadden me etc. I also let myself be happy. That stage of my life wasn't easy, and although it seems like taking care of a baby would be added stress, and I admit it could be very hard- I had help too. It wasn't just me. I would have been very ok with my boyfriend not going. We don't have a relationship where we feel we have to be joined at the hip. Honestly, I really like time to do things that interest me too. There have times where he goes out and parties and I go out with my friends. Doesn't bother me. I reiterate, throughout our almost year of seeing each other, he has seen her all of FOUR times. I don't push her on him. This outing wasn't to force a child on him, I just wanted to see if I could find a median and spend time with them both before I got into a very hectic work schedule. What disappointed me was his attitude. No I did not need him badgering her with questions or taking selfies, but groaning and being short with us both, that hurt. My ex told me he sometimes wasn't sure how to be around kids and that was okay. His relationship with my godchild was relaxed. She liked him well enough and he thought she was a cute kid. He taught her to tie her laces and they had a few bonding moments here and there. I invited him once to a martial arts showcase she was doing and he declined because it wasn't his thing. I was okay with it and teased him about missing out on juice boxes and animal crackers. He teased me right back about trading in my car for a minivan. What I'm trying to say is: although I better understand his viewpoint etc. I didn't like his attitude. I feel like his honesty came in too late. I had asked two days beforehand about going. He did want to make me happy, but I ended up disappointed. I thank the posters who recommended taking more time to know him and putting off moving in together. I think that is the route I will take.
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female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (12 April 2016):
I have to disagree with most of the responders and for once even with my alter ego Honeypie !!
Or to be precise, yes I can see where you are coming from- but I can see where he is coming from even more.
Poor boyfriend. Damned if he does, damned if he doesn't.
" He could have declined ... " Yeah right. And deal with all the fuss you were going to kick up in front of an open rejection of this apple of your eye. See what happened, and how you are reacting , when he tried to please you and come along just for your sake and be a good sport. You are livid nonetheless. From what you write it does not sound as if he was mean or rude to the kid. Just not very talkative , not very interactive. Well, what was he supposed to discuss about with a 10 y.o. girl ? Ariana Grande ? The Wynxes ? .... Maybe I am reading too much between the lines , but I'd be curious to know what you mean when he said he did not " partecipate " enough ... That he acted like a 28 y.o. adult male and not like a schoolkid ? That he could't not muster a noisy, showy enthusiasm ? He did not make squeaky voices and silly faces ? He did not want to make 200 selfies ?...
I think he was nice enough to join you and to accept to share his date ( knowing that you were not going to have much time for him in future ) with another person , and a 10 o. person as for that. That he also has to be elated, and entertaining to your niece !, that's asking too much.
I think he was honest in telling you what he feels, and, thing about which curiosly people has not remarked, aslo extremely sweet. He is right : he is single, childless, he is 28 , he is not the domesticated type (... without for this having to be an immature jerk ); probably he does not like children, ( which, again, does not make him an immature jerk, just a person... not interested in OTHER PEOPLE'S children ); he should not be doing this kind of stuff , and clearly he would not CHOOSE to do it- but he does ,just because he loves you. As long as he can be with you, he can also deal with having your niece around- occasionally. If it has to be more often, and if you feel that you are forced to choose between bf and kid, he is being very unselfish and understanding, and says: choose the kid , I don't mind. As long as you are happy I am happy.
It does not seem you are as much flexible with him. Maybe what you don't realize is this : while I am sure that your niece is your comfort and your joy, and the best thing ever happened to you, and you have ANY right to feel this way- for the average single guy, you've just got baggage.
Most single guys ( and they do not have to be the wild party types,just regular guys )would think that if they were open to date a woman with children, they can do just that: they'll take up with a single mom. Or, they'll make their own kid !
You took upon yourself the role, the mindset and in good part the responsibilities of a single mom, - not of a godmother : while as far as he is concerned he is dating a young single woman, and he does not feel the need yet to be particularly involved in what you feel are your obligations to this kid.
As for you fearing that when the time comes, he won't be an adequate parent .... have you ever thought that he may feel the same about you ? Like, if you two should have your own kid, would you still take upon yourself to pay for your niece 's shoes clothing and extracurricular activities ? ( I.e. basically... half of what she costs , or more ). Why ? Wouldn't that be unfair to your child - and to your bf ? Would you be able to focus as necessary on your child, or his / her playdates and outings ( if not primary needs ! ...) would revolve around your niece's schedule ?...
In short, and pardon the brutality, your niece and the very close ( maybe exceedingly close ? ) bond that you have, may be an asset for you, but would be a liability for MANY single guys , partiers and non partiers alike.
You have found one that loves you enough to respect this bond , to understand , without questioning it,that you want / need to devolve a lot of your time , energy , emotions, and money to a child who's not yours and who's got her own parents- and you nitpick just because he admits to prefer adult passtimes and adult company ?! That in my country they call it " complaining because the soup is too thick... "
PS : FWIW - I suppose you are a self styled " godmother " because you are not allowed to be a godmother under 16 years of age ( and only if you insist and convince the priest about your maturity , because the general preference is for grown ups out of their teens ). Not that this denies your bravery and generosity in stepping in ,in lieu of neglectful parents, but.... not even a " real " godmother is supposed to do one tenth of what you have done , -imagine a virtual one, so ...maybe try not to go overboard, both emotionally and financially.
Last thing, I agree with Tisha- while it's hard to criticize you for having given of yourself so generously and unselfishly- YOU may be a positive person, but the situation was neither positive nor acceptable, and I can't see for the life of me how the adults around you let it go on without batting a lid ?... A 14 y.o. CHILD staying up for night feedings of a baby ?.... You are so lucky that none of your neighbours ever called the Social Services !
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2016): I find it very interesting that in your original post you continuously referred to your niece as your godchild without mentioning she is your niece, presumably because identifying as her godmother implies a maternal relationship where being her aunt wouldn't.You don't make it clear so I wonder if "caring for her" means she's living with you, and if she isn't then who are her custodians and how emotionally involved they are, and if she is then would she coming along should you decide to shack up with your boyfriend.As a long-lapsed Catholic I can say from my experience that the role of godparents is mostly ceremonial although technically they have the responsibility to ensure that their godchild is raised in the Catholic faith in the event of both parents' deaths.My late godmother was also my aunt who would occasionally refer to me as her godchild (usually after a few drinks) but I never thought of her as anything other than my aunt.My late godfather was a college buddy of my father's whom I can recall seeing only once, when my parents stopped by his house en route to a vacation. My parents socialized with his wife and him but generally in an adult context, most often at college football games which served as mini class reunions. From your boyfriend's perspective I can understand why he might think that your need to include your niece on dates might be a bone of contention between the two of you. He's not ready to play surrogate father and he is able to still enjoy college. That doesn't mean he won't mature and become more responsible. Sorry, but your relationship with your niece seems to be bordering on the obsessional. You had major responsibilities thrust upon you at a very young age and when your niece came into your life she must have filled a huge emotional void. I would recommend counseling to work through all the stressors in your life and also to examine the roots of your relationship with your niece.
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A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (12 April 2016):
He was honest. He is just not ready for that sort of experience. After all, you even said yourself that moving in with him makes you anxious. Rightfully so after all it is a big step. On his end, having a child you need to take care of is also a big next step for him and perhaps he is just not ready. Why should he be ready anyway? After all, as you've said, hes like to party and all that stuff.
You would have needed to do your own part as well such as trying to make him understand as much about your position of being a god parent (which is way more than the average god parent). You'd need to break him into it slowly, not just dump it on him.
Mind you, I don't think this is a fault of anyone, but I think it is something that can be worked on. I am sure everyone where understands you, but you have to understand your partner as well if you would ever want any kind of relationship to work out.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (12 April 2016):
 Ah, so she’s your niece. And you were put in the position of mothering her because your brother and her mother couldn’t. And your father died, leaving your mother with you and your younger brother to cope with....
I read some of the various faiths’ requirements for godparents, 16 years seems to be a minimum. I’m not suggesting that you weren’t qualified. I’m just pointing out that you were very young to be given such an adult role.
I hope your niece’s parents are in a better position to be parents to her...
At any rate, your question was, are you wrong to be feeling turned off by your boyfriend’s attitude toward children and your relationship with your niece in particular.
No, I think you are just feeling what you are feeling, that you want your niece who has essentially been your responsibility since you were 14, to be as important to your boyfriend...
The thing is that it does sound as though your boyfriend isn’t ready to step into a parental role. No matter how much he may care for you, he’s not at that point. He’s a nice guy who does care for you but isn’t ready to take on the mantle of responsibility that you were given at age 14.
That doesn’t make him a bad guy nor does it minimize your auntie awesomeness. It just means you aren’t on the same page.
Good news that you didn’t move in together just yet....
As for the comments that you were a depressed teen and she saved your life. Wow. That’s a lot to put on her and on you. Again, I wonder how the adults around you let that happen.
As you are essentially a parent figure to your niece and aren’t going to let that go then you do need to be clear to the men you meet and date that you are looking for a father figure to your niece.
And I worry that you said words like “shy and reclusive” then went on to say “right now, I’m better adjusted.” and “I know she saved my life.”
I would respectfully suggest that you talk with someone about this, a psychologist or your doctor, with the end goal of saying to someone someday “I’m really well, thank you for asking.”
If it scares you that you might pick someone who hates fatherhood? Well, yet another reason to talk with that professional....
And just a P.S. some of the partying type of guys I knew at university are awesome fathers. They know how to go with the flow and find the humor and fun in life. Just because they have a lighter outlook doesn’t mean they can’t be great fathers.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2016): Hi guys, thank you for answering. No she is not my child, I would have said so. She is really my niece, my older paternal half brother and his girl could not take care of her. My mom was very busy supporting my little brother and I after our dad died so I helped. I was chosen as godmother because of this. I was 14. It didn't bother me much because I was shy, reclusive and I loved her right away. I felt like she loved me entirely for me-and she does. I was a depressed teen...I know she saved my life. Caring for her helped me see good things in life. Right now, I'm better adjusted. I do these things for two reasons: my mother isn't 100% healthy and I love making my godchild happy. I have a feeling my boyfriend and I are mutually repelled. I haven't contacted him and he hasn't contacted me today. The more I think about it, the more I convince myself that we are not compatible. How could he ever understand? No, I'm not ready for kids of my own. But I do want them someday and I guess I'm really looking for someone with good paternal instincts etc. It scares me that I might pick someone who hates fatherhood. I've seen it and children do feel that... I told him how much she meant to me but for a guy who's had a "normal" upbringing and wants to party himself out, my life isn't relatable. I guess it's a good thing I know this now...
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reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (12 April 2016):
So your age shows as 22-25 and your godchild is 10 now. So you were 12-15 when she was born and you were chosen as her godmother? Wow, that’s rather young. And you say she thought you were her mom until she was 2? So you were 14-17 when you were fulfilling the mother role in her life. And now you are paying for many of her basic needs.
It’s admirable that you take the responsibility given to you when you yourself were just a child so seriously. However, to me it does rather sound as though you’ve been groomed by the adults who should have been responsible for the child’s welfare to be a surrogate parent to her.
Late night feedings? You were a child and were supposed to be doing your homework and getting your own sleep.
Taking the bus to pick her up daycare after school? Again, a lot to pile on a child every day.
You didn’t explain who gave you the role, or where this child’s parents were, or what was happening that resulting in you, a child, taking on a parental role. Why not?
Anyway, what your boyfriend of less than a year has just learned is that you are more than an regular sort of godparent to this child. You are basically a surrogate parent.
He’s 28, he’s in school, he’s still figuring out what he wants from life.
I expect he’s a bit put off by the realization that you are the mommy figure for this child. You aren’t just a godmother, there’s more to this than meets the eye.
Maybe when your godchild is 18 and starts school, you’ll be relieved from the responsibility of parenting her that has been laid upon you. Unless you’re going to be expected to pay for college?
So yeah, your guy justified in feeling like he’s dating a mom. I don’t know why that mantle of motherly duties feel on your shoulders but it’s not his fault. He didn’t lay it there, he’s just reacting to not wanting to be a parent when he’s not really ready for it.
Is this by any chance your natural child that you were too young to mother when you gave birth to her? That’s the question that came to my mind as I was processing his reaction to your premature motherhood role in the guise of godparent.
As for the whole choice of godparents, I think that generally speaking they are responsible in supporting the spiritual growth of the child and that there are generally at least 2 of them. But again, as you didn’t specify the religious affiliation that’s just an observation.
Anyway, if you feel turned off by his not wanting to be a parent, well, if you flip it a bit and can see that he might be turned off by your blind acceptance of that role at an age you weren’t really in a position to give fully advised adult consent to... yeah. I don’t think it’s going to work out.
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female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (12 April 2016):
I am not there to see the severity of his aversion to kid activities. He certainly does not hide his facial expressions and his dislikes. Either he chooses not to or has no self control or self awareness. The only credit I could give him is at least he tried. There were also 3 other times that he met her and it was only the last time you noticed his discomfort.
Maybe if he's hanging out with a boy doing boyish activities, it wouldn't be as bad. Understandably few 28 year olds know how to relate to a preteen girl. Some 20 yish men become fathers, have responsible jobs but as a student his mentality is not about taking care of others yet.
Another thing is that you shared a bond since she was 2. Probably a bond that's stronger than what you have with your boyfriend. I am not saying he is necessarily jealous of this bond. In fact, he quite encourages you to do what you want to do. It's just that you can't expect him to take on a liking just because she's part of your life. That doesn't mean if you have a child with him, that's how he's going to act too. When he said "lame" it's lame for him only, but definitely he did not mean you are lame for liking those things.
You are turned off because you had expected him to reach out to her. You imagined a wonderful afternoon with him asking "how's school, what do you want to be when you grow up?" or just actively participating in her activities. I think he's the kind of person who speaks whatever on his mind, without filter. He's acting himself, and he would not please people or be smooth and appear pleasant. I am not sure if his attitude means he's useless as a father in the future, but I understand why you are turned off. Maybe you need to let time pass to see, and take more time to get to know him better.
Being able to socialize with whatever age, sex, background, takes some skill and maturity. It can even take you a whole life to be able to do so. I don't think his attitude warrants a deal breaker, for me at least. It's up to you if you can accept him as an individual. You see that you have differences already. You have a giving nature and he's more independent and free spirited. Sometimes opposites attract and sometimes it causes friction. Maybe if you see his parents you can observe how they all get along but how they interact. If his relationship with his parents is good, the next generation won't be so different either.
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female
reader, aunt anna wilson  +, writes (12 April 2016):
 Firstly I have to say well done for taking such a great approach to having a god child I think that in itself is fantastic also i think he should appreciate that as it is obviously it is a massive part of your life as for him being an "ass" in the car he clearly didn't understand the effect it may have had on your god child she/he may have felt really rejected. Unfortunately I have to say it may not be what you want to hear but if he doesn't understand this relationship you share with your godchild then it may be in the best interest for the both of you in the long run to call it a do if this after such a short time is causing you to question the relationship I'm going to leave it at this as after reading your question seems like the best alternative hope everything goes well
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reader, Honeypie +, writes (11 April 2016):
 Female anon who thinks taking the child along for a date is wrong..
She TOLD him beforehand that she was taking her godchild to the fair. She asked if he wanted to come. HE could have declined if he felt it was SUCH a chore. OP even states that she would have been fine with him declining.
He is DATING a girl who takes her "duties" as godmother serious. So it's not like she sprung the kid on him at the fair or in life.
Not liking kids is fine. (I have met plenty of kids I don't want to be around if I can avoid them) But acting like an ass because the outing isn't about him, IS immature. (IMHO)
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2016): He is not mature enough for you. The cracks are showing. I guess you will either limp along dating him or give up and realise you shouldn't change to meet his needy side. Just don't waste your time.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2016): I don't think he's in the wrong. It isn't fun to hang out with a kid on a date. Sure you adore you godchild and think she's fun and interesting. But I can understand why he doesn't want to spend time with her. Kids take up lots of time and attention. He wants to hang with you and do adult stuff and doesn't enjoy hanging out with a kid. Nothing wrong with that at all. Give the guy a break. He's been honest with you. I find it boring hanging out with my friends kids too and I wouldn't consider myself immature. Other people's kids are boring.
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reader, Honeypie +, writes (11 April 2016):
I agree with Aunt Honesty
He is a VERY immature 28 year old and YOU are a 20-something. To have taken on such a HUGE responsibility - and yes I think it IS a huge responsibility to take on a child that isn't yours with such dedication is admirable and shows a sense of self, responsibility and maturity.
He is 28 and can't behave and enjoy himself on a outing with his GF because HER 10 year old godchild is there. Seriously?
I don't think this guy is ready to move in with you and definitely not ready for kids (which is OK) but he DOES know that you take your Godmother duty serious and that kid would be MORE in his life if you two moved in together.
So he obviously isn't looking at the big picture here. You say he is a grad student who likes to party... so mentally, or maybe more behavioral he is like a teenager. Someone who DOESN'T want too serious responsibilities.
I don't think he'd be ready to step up to the plate with your godchild and I think... a GOOD BF should be able to and want to.
And the whole "I don't think he'd ever intentionally hurt me." is the kind of excuse we give a child who calls a large lady fat. If you know what I mean.
Whether he MEANT to hurt you or not... doesn't really matter, fact is.. HE DID hurt you. And Fact is, you HAD to drag it out of him that he just don't see himself dating someone who has a sense of responsibility for a child.
So, I suggest you two have a serious talk. I suggest you two DO NOT move in together. And that you consider whether he IS a good fit overall or not. He might be a super great guy, but he might not be a great FIT for you and your life and vice verse.
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reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (11 April 2016):
 I think you are both in very different stages of life. He sounds like an immature 28 year old if I am being honest. Okay so he does not want to settle down and have children any time soon, that much is clear. But it is not like you are your godchilds full time carer. It seems he does not want to share your attention, and maybe it scared him seeing you as a role model to a child. It is something you both need to talk about. You both need to figure out is it each other you want. Just have an open and honest conversation with him about how you are feeling and hopefully you can both resolve your issues as adults, if not well then maybe you are both not meant to be with each other.
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