A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So it's time for our second date, and he's back in school. His school is like 5-10 mins from where we are going so he asked if I could get him on the way. I'm being advised by my friends not to do it. They feel if I do, it makes me the guy in the relationship and he may be taking advantage. But I'm torn because if a guy is paying for the date, is getting him when it's on the way and such a short distance really that bad? In my head it makes me think I'm being selfish and uncompromising for something so small but then again what if they're right and I should be more assertive about it. So now I turn my question over to you. Is it bad for me to get him before the date or should we meet there instead? And my big follow up question should a guy be obligated to pay for every date? Again I'm getting told yes but I want other opinions. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (11 April 2016):
 Is it bad for me to get him before the date?
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I don't see how picking him up makes you "the guy" AT ALL. If it makes sense to pick him up on the way, then why not? You would think it a smart move if he picked you up on the way if HE was driving wouldn't you?
should a guy be obligated to pay for every date?
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No. The first date, I'd be sort of OK with it, I would still OFFER to pay my share.
Now if he plans to take you on a hot air balloon-ride and that is something you can't afford, then I'd make sure he knows ahead of time and plan accordingly.
I am not a fan of 50/50. I am a fan of going Dutch, which means YOU pay for YOUR part in the meal, he pays for his. Let's say he wants a $15 entree $25 steak and 3 beers and a $5 desert , you eat a $5 dollar entree and a $15 grilled chicken and have 1 glass of wine and no desert... so who should YOU pay half? He spend $60 and you $25... Which means if you pay 50% you end up paying for $40+ which you might not have within your budget for a meal out. Get my drift?
I think it's outdated to expect a guy to pay for everything. And I also think it evens things out a bit more when BOTH people chip in. The expectation of "he paid for food" so you "owe him payment" (aka sex) is also taken out of the equation.
Now, if you offer to pay and HE declines you CAN leave the tip. In that case I think I would accept the offer of him paying with grace and then later buy a couple of cups of coffee and cake or whatnot. Or he pays for the movie tickets, you buy popcorn and sodas.
He isn't your parent. He really doesn't HAVE to pay for you. So Be a modern woman and BE his equal.
A
female
reader, RubyBirtle  +, writes (11 April 2016):
Depending on how well you know him, I don't see what's wrong with you picking him up. I'd say no if you'd only just met him - but that would be for the sake of safety rather than dating etiquette.
And as for paying for dates - well, it's nice if the guy pays for the first couple but I think it's perfectly acceptable to "go dutch".
I guess your friends don't want you to fall foul to a moocher (someone who'll quite happily accept free rides and subsidised dates) but I'm sure you're a smart girl and can figure that out for yourself
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (11 April 2016):
 I think it would be a good idea for you to collect him, as it is on your way anyway, it makes sense. Women have equal rights to men these days, therefore I feel that equal effort should be made by both the girl and the guy. Why should the guy be obliged to pay for every date? I don't think he should, yes I am aware that years ago this is how it worked, but women go out now and earn their own money, so why should they not go half's? Personally if it was me I would be offering to pay half the bill. As I would feel I was taking advantage any other way.
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