A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hey all... i can really do with some advice on this topic. my boyfriend is a real mamma's boy. i know you can't change a person but what can i do about this. he phones his mom every day and then i'm not allowed to know what they discuss. he says that his mom is his first priority, meaning i'm second! i love my mom very much, but for me being in a relationship, your partner is nr 1. or am i looking at this the wrong way? he shares stuff with his mom he won't share with me. Am i wrong if sometimes i want to be first priority? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2008): I'm married to one and have two kids. On our upcoming 10yr anniversary, his dream is to take his mother with us on our vacation. Need I say more????
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (12 April 2008):
 He is psychologically and physically married to his mother.
There is nothing you can do about that.
You can wait and be patient till eternity or you get out and get him to change.
Either he comes to your terms or shipped out.
He is a kind of neurotic child husband.
He needs to go for therapy.
If you are not leaving him , then you need to take over his mother's role .
You will need to mother him , pamper him and put up with his
unreasonable demands until he grows up.
It could be a phase in his life or it could be like that
forever unless something drastic happens to him , like
leaving him and forcing him to grow up.
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (11 April 2008):
 Hi,
all I can say is you are in for a world of hurt. Mamma's boy's should be avoided like the plague.
The very best scenario for you is he sees you as a replacement for his mother, hence you will need to mamma him yourself. That's the best case scenario. Get the hell out now I say, why bother with the grief?
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A
female
reader, raima  +, writes (10 April 2008):
 what to suggest you i am also spending my living with mamma boy........but i am trying to making distance betwen them well i am not tellinh that just broke their relationship but i am telling that if they are right and giving you love as same as like your b'friend than it is ok but if they are playing some tricks with you so better keep distance with your bf cause it is very difficult to tackle that type of husband. my in-laws are not nice to me they even dont want to start family they told us that better we adopt my husband sister's daughter cause his sister husband is died ..............see slowly slowly they will show you their colour if they are not right so better find them and take decision dont take decision by heart think by your brain.........otherwise be ready to to tolrate and yuor bf will never change...have to struggle alot..........now you are not marrid so you have option bnut once you are marid it is hard to take decision.
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A
female
reader, hlskitten  +, writes (10 April 2008):
 Hi
Not a bad thing, the fact he is so close to his mum is a good thing. But you should be equal. Once you are properly established anyway. If im dating someone but not living with them, my family would come first. After that, i would say your partner comes first, after any children you might end up having of course.
I have dated a mummies boy before, he was young. His mum did everything for him. It did get a tad annoying.
You need to get across to him, that you deserve to be equal and you actually want to be with someone that can tell you anything,like you can them!
C xxxx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2008): Hey girl. You used to sound just like me! Only it was my fiance and me. He was 30 yrs old and his mother still babied him. She would always call him constantly (vice versa) and not only that she thinks our weekends would mean going to her house and spend it all day so she can see him. Not only that but he has older sisters that always interferred in our lives (just like the mother). They would call all the time wanting to know what we're doing and to visit them (they never liked it when we visited my family but we had to be with them tho). They knew how to push my buttons as they cooked for us(well really i think it was for him) thinking that my food i cook for him is not good enough. They didnt treat me good. It was as they were showing me that I wouldnt be good enough for him or his mother/sisters. Also when we would have our private time, his mom would call us to come over to hook something up in her home (really it was like hammering a nail in the wall to put up a frame) thats how bad it got. And of course he would run over like she's on fire. He would ALWAYS take their side no matter how wrong or bad they did. I did try talking to him about it that i'm his fiancee and you are supposed to put me first. Where as i moved far away from MY own family to be with him. And clearly I put him first before them. But instead he started fighting with me saying I just dont like them and that I dont want him to go see them. We are not together today due to this and other circumstances. I cant be with a man who is in his 30's and still listens to his mother/sisters. I always said he would change but no i kept waiting and it just got worse. And getting married would just be a disaster. I wouldnt want to go through that.
Good luck girl. Talk to him and see what he feels about it. And go from there. Best wishes!!
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A
female
reader, kelliechevron +, writes (10 April 2008):
Well you said boyfriend, so at this stage I think it's reasonable for your partner to put his family first. That said, if you're engaged or married, then I agree with you 100%, people should put their partner first, and as a team cope with the difficulties of managing parents/in-laws/families.
How long have you been dating, and how seriously? If you think he is unusually close to his mother then that may be a warning sign, because chances are their relationship WON'T change that much if you did get married. However, the way a man treats his mother is often how he treats his wife, so what COULD change in the future is his treatment of you; he may hold no secrets, including what he discusses with his mother, and he may put you first.
I think you should discuss this with him if it's bothering you- e.g. as him if hypothetically he would always side with his mother over his wife if/when he gets married.
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