A
female
age
51-59,
*mdes
writes:I have been dating a guy for over 6 months, we've said that we love each other and spend most days/nights together. He has a lot of younger single female friends. He goes for coffee with them from time to time without me. Last night he went to a female friends house who he hasn't seen since we've been together and stayed there for 2-3 hours drinking coffee. I asked him if he told her about me and he said "No it never came up"Isn't this strange that we've been together and are in love but he won't tell this one girl that I exist? I've met almost all of his friends, the single female friends are the exception. Should I be worried? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, chelly m  +, writes (12 September 2011):
 Whether its 3 months, 6 months, the natural progression in any relationship is to say within a discussion to a friend, male or female would be to say you have met someone. If a person is hiding it then there is a reason. They most likely tell other (friends) the same as you, nothing. Id call it keeping options open. Which doesnt make you feel great. If you can find out what the other female friend or friends are being told, dont be surprised or shocked that they too may be being treated the same as you.Its not a nice predicament to be in and there are definitely questions you should ask your boyfriend. Because how ever he is painting it, its isnt right to make you feel this way. You are worth more than that. Good luck.
A
female
reader, gmdes +, writes (30 August 2010):
gmdes is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes that's my thoughts also. I do love him though and he told me that this girl he went to college with about 3 years ago. She just got divorced a few months ago. So the whole thing has me quite bothered. He says she's just a friend but now I wonder if he might sub consciously like her and that's why he didn't tell her
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2010): Red flags, alarm bells....six months is a reasonable time to be introduced ( as you have been to most) and certainly not hidden from ANYONE, verbally or otherwise.
It's not the fact he has platonic female friends he has coffee with..otherwise one would be saying, one can't be friends with the opposite sex, without sex, which is not true..It takes a lot more than being WITH the opposite sex to drive one towards a relationship. I personally have many male friends, who I would never dream of having a relationship with, let alone sex, but they are good people, have the values I like, therefore their gender is unimportant.
I'm only elaborating this, as I really don't feel the problem is with your boyfriend having opposite sex friends, MORE the fact he hasn't mentioned you, in particular to this one female. If he chats over coffee, you might think he would BRING the subject up himself about you, that he was dating someone. After-all that is what you do with friends, share what's happening in your life.
As for him saying he's in love, or loves you...it is only six months, this is the first flush, watch for his ACTIONS, NOT what he says. Words are easy, it's the actions that need to follow and back-up the verbal declaration.
Why not suggest you meet this female, nothing heavy, but as you've met all the others, you could simply say, " I've met all your other friends it would be good to meet {name} as she seems fun, or whatever you feel in-keeping " I know I would need to understand IF SHE was a barrier, or IF he is just one of those guys, that says I love you, as it's early dating talk.
Six months is long enough for you to want and DESERVE to KNOW where you stand, even IF it were not where you would like to be, it's gives you an OPTION, a choice, either to stick around and take your chances, or move on because he's words don't quite match his actions.
Awful position to be in....feel for you..wish you luck!
Jilly x
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (30 August 2010):
Yes, you should. Young, single girls and 'coffee'. Whilst that might well be true , him not telling them is a bit more serious, because it means he's hiding you. Overall, you need to look carefully at your relationship, and perhaps do a bit of digging to find out who these women are exactly (do this quietly). At 6 months, I would fully expect a man to be introducing his girlfriend around to all his friends.
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