A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Well, I've signed up and paid for a couple of dating sites. I've spent £60 in subscription and i was really annoyed to find that a lot of guys aren't even paying subscribers and can't read or respond to messages.Anyway, I saw one guy online and he used his real name in his profile and put what he did for a living and the kind of place he worked in town. I really liked him and wanted to message him. Except on Match, you cant even read emails if you aren't a subscriber! I toyed with subscribing but he hadn't logged in for 5 days and thought i'd kick myself if i wasted more money on somebody who wasn't paid - plus, i'd be wondering hed just ignored me or not read it. So, i had another idea. I'm local and i think I knew where he worked (there are only 2 places like it in town) so i typed in his name and occupation and the place, and it came up on the website with his full name and photo. So, i decided, what the hell, i messaged him on facebook (friend of a friend of a friend) explaining that i liked his profile and did want to contact him, and sorry if it sounded weird but i thought i knew where he worked so looked at the site and thought id hit him up on facebook and hey, at least i'd know that he'd read it. i made a joke out of it, saying it was a bit embarrassing but hey, i gave it a go, and i'd be cool to chat, and he could reach me via my profile or on here. but it was totally up to him if he wanted to respond and no pressure!my friend thought this was a good idea too.I got a friend to read it and he said it sounded cool, i didn't sound weird or anything. He sounds like a great match for me- we both want the same type of thing, to take it easy and get to know people first. He logged into the dating site today. But no winks, no messages on there and no message back on facebook!! Now i'm kicking myself and thinking i sound stupid and stalky and i should have taken the chance of just not knowing and seen if hed respond on the dating site and paid the 30 quid! And let him pay it back if he wanted to read my email! What do you think? I feel so foolish! I don't know what I was thinking. Was it the way i contacted him, or if you liked the look of somebody's profile, and thought they were hot, would it not matter how they contacted you? I guess i can accept if i'm not his type, but i feel so dumb for doing something that might have jeopardised my chances and could look creepy! Now, if i do contact him through the site, i'll just look crazy! :( x
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2010): There could be a dozen good reasons why he didn't reply but even if he didn't like you don't let it bother you. Guys have to deal with this type of rejection all the time but if you don't put yourself out there nothing good will happen.
A
female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (31 August 2010):
 You know I thought for a moment you were going to go to his workplace! Now that would have been creepy borderline stalker. I am with you and your friend I liked the Facebook idea..it's very gutsy but hell it's better than paying the $ for a message he may or may not respond to. Maybe he hasn't logged into his Facebook lately, I mean there was no activity on that site for 5 days. You can't send him a message on the dating site because that will make you look a little too desperate. Just wait it out a little, give it a max of 5-7 days (sometimes I go a week without checking my Facebook) and if you get nothing then he wasn't interested. Hope the best for you!
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