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My Boyfriend wont change his facebook status to "in a relationship"

Tagged as: Dating, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (30 August 2010) 15 Answers - (Newest, 2 February 2011)
A female Singapore age 36-40, anonymous writes:

Living in this era everyone who is in a relationship would like to put their relationship status as in the relationship with your partner right?

I have been with my boyfriend for 6months now and whenever I ask him to declare as "in a relationship with me" he doesn't want to put it. But after both of us are together he has hidden his relationship status. The reason he gave for not putting his relationship status on facebook is that he feels that when 2 people are in a relationship we don't have to let the whole world knows about it.

MMmm seriously I don't really buy his perspective I think he wants to give chances for girls to flirt with him. DO you guys think so too?

View related questions: facebook, flirt

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2011):

i think he doesnt want to show people hes ina relationship cause he want to flirt with girls.. so keep your eye out cause he could be cheating!

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A female reader, BigAppleGirl69 United States +, writes (26 January 2011):

Take him off your facebook. If he can't acknowlege you on that site, say you want to do things his way and focus on what's happening in real life. Take facebook out of your relationship. Defriend him. You have enough friends. You want a boyfriend, a relationship, not another friend. It's called putting your money where your mouth is...or actions speak louder than words. Updating your status makes it official. It makes the couple feel safe and it's a form of commitment that says "I am into you. I don't care who knows. let's do this." It's not just in the movies. It's in real life...when both people are RIGHT for each other. Thats what it feels like people. The wrong people get together and stay together for way too long because they don't realize this feeling is out there and there IS someone who will make them feel it! They make excuses and they settle.

I would also ignore any advice from people who are not active on facebook. That's like asking your grandparents their thoughts on texting in public or texting anywhere! Take those answers with a grain of salt. Good Luck!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2010):

My Guy & I have been together for over 4 months now & he won't change his status form "single" to either in a relationship or hide his status... but to adverstise he's single whilst his not & be accepting so many more single female friends really makes one wonder dosn't it!!!!!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2010):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Dear guys,

Thanks for the fruitful advice over here. We talked things out yesterday and he told me it is perfectly fine if i want to change the facebook status if I wanted to... But I guess yeah you guys are right I did not force him to change in the end because I trust him.

What will happen will happen... He said changing the facebook status or not does not bothers him if i want to change I can just change. i guess that has given me enough assurance to kick off my childish attitude now. Thanks for the advice I really really appreciate you guys U guys rocks!

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A female reader, KittenPaws United Kingdom +, writes (31 August 2010):

I'm inclined to say that if there is nothing else to make you think that there is any issue in the relationship, then this really doesn't matter two hoots. I never want to label myself 'in a relationship' on facebook for the fear of one day having to announce my hurt with a clip-art broken heart which I would have to post on the news for every long-lost school friend I've ever lost contact with to read! -The more serious you are about the relationship, the less you'd ever want to have to treat something serious with this trivia!

On the contrary- if everyone you know is aware that you two are seeing each other, why do YOU feel the need to announce this to the world in such a manufactured way?? Nevermind him- what do you have to prove?

Alternatively, if you have any reason to think that he DOES use Facebook to flirt with other girls, then his status change is the symptom, not the problem. If you don't trust him, then the relationship would not work in the long run no matter what commitment he signed his name away to.

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A male reader, Dannytreehorn United Kingdom +, writes (30 August 2010):

Speaking as a 27 year old man, i'm addicted to facebook :) This isn't a big deal, some people are comfortable with displaying their relationship status and some people aren't. I think what is important in this is that he HAS changed his status, from single, to the blank box, which to me indicates he is off the market. If he had left it as single i think there would be an issue, either he isn't commited or he's embarrassed by you, but the fact he did change it, albeit to the blank box, means he's acknowledged that you ARE in a relationship, he just doesn't want to broadcast it. Bear in mind that alot of people's friends on facebook aren't what you would call friends really, they are people you went to school with years ago and work colleagues etc. If he has taken you to meet his family and his friends are aware he's seeing someone the important people in his life know what is going on :)

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A male reader, Yos Netherlands +, writes (30 August 2010):

Yos agony auntFacebook is just a website. Think for a moment, isn't it silly that you're pressuring your boyfriend to display his relationship on some website? It's JUST a website.

Relationships are personal and private things. Displaying it on facebook is like slapping it up on posters all around town. Completely unecessary and an invasion of privacy.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2010):

I can understand your concern here, I have been in a similar situation myself. I think it would be more of a concern if he kept his status as "single". That would make me think he still wants to be seen as available to other people.

But if he has hidden his relationship status, I think that is different. It could be that he just does not want everyone knowing about your relationship. Not because he is not proud to be with you, but because of potential problems. Facebook has been a mixture of good and bad for me. I know how easy it is to cause trouble between people on that site. So maybe he is worried that, if people knew, they might try and cause problems. He may want to protect your relationship. So I think there may not be anything to worry about, although I can understand that it is bothering you.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2010):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Beside this facebook relationship status thingy, he has shown quite a bit of commitment. Like he introduced me to his family and bringing him to his house several times. He waited for me to come back during our long distance relationship. He told his friends I am his girlfriend and invited me to his gatherings. He met my family and joined out family gathering. We are in the same university clique and his close friends all know about me as his girlfriend. He took good care of me and is very sweet...

It is just the status thingy now...

Anyway thanks for all the reply yeah maybe i should believe him that he doesn't want to put relationship status because he feels there is no need to be so expose to the public.

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A female reader, FluffyPie United States +, writes (30 August 2010):

FluffyPie agony auntI'm just curious... Why do give Facebook so much importance? If in real life, your boyfriend gives signs that he loves you, if he respects you, if he's showing you, which is most important, then why are you worried that he might flirt with other girls?

When you sign up for such socializing networks, you take responsibility - you get hit on, your boyfriend gets hit on, with or without "in a relationship" status, because it's only normal, especially if he's handsome.

I just fail to understand why people take internet so seriously...

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2010):

Sorry Hun, but it sounds as though he is trying to keep his options open.

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A male reader, Yos Netherlands +, writes (30 August 2010):

Yos agony auntI would never put my relationship status on Facebook - exept perhaps 'married'. Facebook is a 'public space' and my relationship status is personal.

I think he's being perfectly reasonable.

I would add that the majority of my friends don't show their relationship status either

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A reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2010):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Icic I asked him twice but he still don't want to change his relationship status on facebook. Well I feel that he is commited he has brought me home several times to see his parents and he has met my parents and came along to my family gatherings too.

He also invited me to go out with his friends in school and close buddies. I have been posting pictures with him on facebook and our entire clique in school knows that we are together.

It is jus that stupid status thing that still linger in my mine. HOwever my boyfriend is very sweet and dotes me alot. We have beared through long distance relationship and he waited for me and took good care of me since.

Just that status thing that is bothering me ...

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A female reader, tennisstar88 United States +, writes (30 August 2010):

tennisstar88 agony auntYou know sometimes I hate Facebook. The Facebook status change does make it official. I once had the same problem, we were together and I mentioned the his status and he told me he never changes it because it was a pain to change back. Sounds like a lame excuse, right with just a few clicks of the mouse. Another I got was "oh yeah I'll change it", then when it still isn't changed he continues to claim he forgot. With all that being said some guys just aren't into labels and when you do change it on Facebook then everybody asks questions about you, where did you meet, etc. Some guys don't like that kind of attention drawn to them. I would chat with him and explain that you don't care if the whole world knows you're together, you just want him to change it so that it makes official and it would make you happy.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2010):

My initial reaction from this is he's a player, wants to have a flirt see if he can find someone who he prefers and then drop you.

At the end of the day, you know him best and if you are having the feeling that he's not commited, its not a good sign.

Just do what you think's right :)

Hope this helps

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