A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My bf and I visit our parents once in a couple of months.. The thing is that every time we come down to visit our parents we go apart. Right now we came for 10 days and I am staying at my parents and he is staying at his parents. My bf says that it is not respectful to sleep together at my parents, because we are not marry; which I agreed. However, not only we have to spend our vacation apart, but we also always end up fighting. I think that not sleeping on the same roof while we are on vacation is an excuse for him to sneak out at night. If he owes so much respect to my parents, why doesn't he marry me? I think it is very ironic of him....Of course, we are fighting right now: he text me: " we need to fix our relationship".. "I am getting old"; I texted him: grow up, then he said: yeah, I might need to grow up,,but away from you... What kind of response is that? is he playing games with me? I have not answered him... I really don't want to reply, but he hasn't call me or text me for 5 hours ,,,
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2010): He sounds like an immature jerk, and maybe like he is trying to get out.
It sounds like he is not wanting to commit to you, so hasn't proposed, and hasn't made further steps with you. He seems awful cagey and all over the place...I don't trust it.
I would seriously consider if this man is worth your time, sounds like a lot of hard work. And playing mind games like that is very tween girl type thing. He needs to grow up or realize he has made a huge mistake with losing you.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2010): You're each there to see your parents, not so much to see each other. It sounds like family and respect are important to him. What do you fight about exactly? It sounds to me like the most important issue here is that you can't trust him not to be sneaking around at night behind your back. Do you have reasons not to trust him? I find that showing complete trust in my boyfriend is the best way to keep him true to me. If you stayed in the same place on these vacations, you'd both only get to spend half as much time with your own parents. I think it would be a good idea to suggest getting together on vacation with your parents, your boyfriend and his parents and having a nice relaxed dinner.
It sounds like all this tension comes from you and your boyfriend spending all your vacation time apart and with your parents? If so, I suggest you talk to him about a nice weekend away somewhere, just the two of you. That way he can have the time with his family and you can also have some nice time on holiday with him.
He says he wants to fix your relationship. It sounds like he really cares for you! I think you need to really think about what's causing you to have these trust issues - is there anything he's done that makes you feel insecure with him/not trust him? Or have you had your trust broken in the past? Him wanting to fix your relationship sounds like he would be happy to talk to you about these, and other issues. I don't recommend talking/accusing him of sneaking out and about without good reason though!
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (30 August 2010):
 It doesn't mean he's sneaking about. What about his parents. How much do they know about you? Are they accepting? If not, this could be a reason for not proposing.
Marriage is something you shouldn't rush into. Pleasing parents is not a reason to get married. I think he sees this.
You have to ask both of yourselves why you fight so much? How is it EVERYTHING is able to escalate into an argument? Is there a way to prevent it? See each other's side of it. Don't assume that he is being unfaithful unless you have other evidence.
I hope that helps.
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