A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I'm 43 and my boyfriend is making me crazy!!! We have a two year old daughter and we've been living together for 3 years. My problem is my boyfriend has yet to get a divorce from his wife and he pays her half of his paycheck every week(not because he has to because he wants too). And we are having severe financial problems. When I talk to him about getting a divorce or when he's going to stop supporting his wife, he usually gives me some lame excuse or makes it out to be my fault.He's a great dad and we love each other but I'm having issues with his wife and the weekly payments to her. She absolutely refuses to give him a divorce, he says. I have tried breaking up with him but we always get back together. This is making me truly sick and unhappy. I need some advice.
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male
reader, PeterPan +, writes (6 June 2008):
 I'm first curious as to where in the states you are. Divorce laws differ from state to state, so it's kind of important. Second, to me, it seems like he should have or be speaking with an attorney about this. It seems that she could refuse to sign papers, but it doesn't preclude him from having the paperwork prepared. I'm also thinking that if this has been going on (the payments to the ex) that it might count as credit since they've been separated. What I'm thinking here is that you could state that they've been effectively separated and he's been giving her money for whatever amount of time... if that holds, it seems that if you've got a 2-year-old, that's probably enough time that she should be self-sufficient. Like I said, it's dependent on the state laws where you are and an attorney could answer the question of her refusing to sign and what options you have.
A
female
reader, Star_07 +, writes (6 June 2008):
 I can see why you are unhappy with this. Does he have any kids with her? Why half the paycheck? He doesn't owe her anything at this point.
He can sue for a divorce, she doesn't have to grant him one. Of course it makes it easier when both parties agree but look it up for your state and Im sure you can find the guidelines such as "seperation for at least one year" is a common one.
Talk to him about this and tell him how this makes you feel. If you aren't going to leave him then thats all you can do. Tell him, no more excuses!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2008): talk to him about it, i know that this is hard, but my best friend recently told me about how she felt that i was using her and i tried to give her a lame exuse but then i came around and our conversation helped us bond, i think that u need to talk to him about how u fell, and while ur telling him, have ur baby girl in ur arms, and remind him that he has commitments to this family too, and that u and her deserve a little more than half a paycheck, i hope things work out between u guys, u sound very cute!
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A
male
reader, jay12toes +, writes (6 June 2008):
 dose he have kids with her too? mabey thats why he wants to stay married, and why are you going back to a man whos refuseing to change? from the sounds of it if you left him i wouldnt be suprised if he gave you the other half of his paycheck. not to be mean but you should never date married people anyway it leads only to trouble. if he wants his wife then tell him to be with her but if he wants you he needs to get a divorce. he cant have it all.
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