A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi, My problem is that I want to try anal sex with my girlfriend. But she doesn't want to do it. I said i wanted to try it because I haven't ever done it before. She has done it a 'few times' before with her ex boyfriend but she didn't like it. I don't want to pressure her into doing it, but yet I feel as if she won't open up to me, like she opened up to him.
View related questions:
anal sex, her ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2009): Hello eveyone,
It seems to me, that few in this discussion have a healthy sex life. First of all, it is rather childish that your girl explains the things she did for other guys. This is a mind game! There may be something they did that you are lacking and she doesn't have the communiccation skills to tell you. Women are intricate in their ways of communicating feeling. First off, anal can be painless. With the proper lubrication, and time. You need to take time! Your best way to sell her on anal is to really learn about it yourself.Look up the advice for having anal. If it hurts her you have to figure out how to make her comfortable, the entire region will eventually get used to having something enter than exit. It just takes the right amount of time and patients on both parts. Some women actually love anal. Take it from me, I have dated girls who have asked for it before I did!!!!!!! I heard a great discussion at work the other day. "You gotta freak your girl...or someone else will". It's pretty acurate... As for the cooking and running baths... As mentioned in previous posts, its a two way street!!! First think about her, and hopefully she will return the favor. Offer her a massage, take her out, do something you know she would enjoy!!! If she doesn't return the favor...DUMP HER. She cannot be dim witted enough to not know what you like unless you aren;t expressing it well enough. If you are, try making it a team effort. She doesn't like cooking, I know i don't really love it either!!! SO TRY IT TOGETHER. Set a goal to learn, and if you learn together she may be more apt to cook for you. Maybe she is scared of messing up a meal. Whatever you do, put everything out on the table and leave nothing for interpretation. Because at the end of the day, you cannot live your life still wanting. If she cannot fufill, its time to move on.
A
female
reader, sarahday  +, writes (14 January 2009):
I disagree. If she had anal sex with her last bf and her latest bf is so special to her, why doesn't she have anal with him. I mean, if she loves him that much, she would do it. Its a bit much to tell him she had anal sex with her old bf, but her current bf isn't good enough. The problem as I see it is just that. You are her current bf, not her permanent bf, or husband to be, but her current emotional involvement, whatever that may be. So as a previously astute contributor noted, enjoy the vag while you can, coz she's enjoying you while she needs you.
P.S. I don't mind anal, and I've used a vibe on one of my old bf's.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2008): sexually if she never does it shes not giving you what you want move on get a girl that will let you do it because if you dont do it you will end up regretting it for the rest of your life tell her that if she dosent let you do it its over and if shes says fine its over just get your stuff and get the f out dont look back and find a girl who will let you stick it in her you know what because you need that and if you dont get it from your girl eventually your going to say the hell with it and do it with someone else anyway take my advice find someone who gives you everything you want. Screw it thats all i have to say
...............................
A
female
reader, I'llTryToHelp  +, writes (6 June 2008):
 The ONLY problem you asked for advice on was her refusal to have anal sex with you. You made no mention of anything else such as "special" attention you feel she paid to him.
First of all, she's with you now, NOT him. You're winning and can't even see it. Every relationship is different and the one she had with her exBF was, for obvious reasons, not a success!
All of that is in the past and YOU need to let it stay there. If you're constantly comparing your relationship to the one she had with him, you're going to drive her away and drive yourself crazy! Let it go and create your own special things you do together. You're very insecure and putting the responsiblity for that on her shoulders. Not her fault nor can she solve it for you.
Maybe she hates cooking but he forced her into it. Have you tried running her a bath, cooking for her? That's a two way street that most guys don't give a thought to.
You don't ever know what someone is truly feeling or thinking. If she loves/d him then why is she with you? She'd either be with him or she'd be single and pining away for him.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2008): Are you that same bloke from before? God we get such insecure men on here. Ever think he treated her like crap and thats why she did those things? cause he forced her too? Lots of women don't like anal sex so don't hold that against her.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your advice. I think I have misrepresented my true opinion. I have trust issues with her and she has told me of things that she has done with her ex boyfriend that she doesn't do with me.
Simple things like running him a bath or cooking for him. She just seems so dispassionate and i really don't think she would have been like this with her ex. It just sucks to know that she doesn't love me like she loves/d him. But i suppose i just have to swallow my pride and get on with it.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2008): Don't you think you are being just a little bit selfish?? Two things regarding anal sex. Firstly - the lining of the rectum and colon is extremely fragile and delicate and any damage however slight can have serious consequences if not treated. The anal passage so to speak is jam packed with bacteria (obviously) and you need to be aware of this before you consider how you will deal with that side of things. From a female point of you, and a pleasure point of view, quite honestly there is none. It is uncomfortable can be painful and zero orgasm. Try the other hole mate - its made for the job. YOUR role is to pleasure your girlfriend. Suggest you do that before she finds someone else who wants to.
...............................
A
female
reader, carrie212 +, writes (6 June 2008):
 ok you need a girls point of view. some girls.. no.. most girls do NOT enjoy anal sex. what the hell do we get out of it besides intense pain? and the majority aren't into "pain for pleasure" if you know what I mean. and just because she did it with a previous bf or whatever doesn't mean anything. she probably was willing to try it because she had never done it so she didn't know what it was like. now she knows what it feels like and obviously she doesn't like it or she would've said yes. and you say you don't want to pressure her into doing it, so don't. why put someone you care about through pain just so you can try something new? screw someone in the ass that you don't care about then.. because honestly most girls feel like its degrading anyway. and I know this one guy that had anal sex with a girl and she shit on his penis. does that sound like fun to you? lol
...............................
A
female
reader, I'llTryToHelp +, writes (6 June 2008):
Her answer to your request is as honest as she can get it, man! She's tried it, didn't like it and it has nothing to do with "opening Up" to you.
I agree with the previous poster. Don't push it! Literaly and figuratively!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2008): Hey, maybe /you/ should "open up" for her the way you want her to "open up" to you: let her do you in /your/ arse first, with a dildo or strap on. That's only fair, right? Show her that you're not asking her to do anything you yourself wouldn't want to do - or are you?
...............................
A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (6 June 2008):
 Hi,
I'm sure she doesnt want to try it again because it felt horrible. Some girls do like anal just like some guys do.
So put yourself in her position, if she got out a 6 inch dildo and said she would like to insert it into your bottom what would be your reply? So why is it different for her? The point i'm making is that anal sex is like any fetish, if you are not excited by it then it is not in the least desirable.
Guys these days see way too many porn movies where the action invariably ends up with the participants engaging in anal sex. So it appears to be the norm for a lot of guys, but this is a fantasy land played by sex actors not real life.
The fact that your girlfriend has done anal with a previous boyfriend is entirely irrelevant and frankly you are being childish thinking you are entitled to it just because she gave it to her ex - think about it mate.
Enjoy your relationship with your girlfriend, and get down and pray you have a ready and willing vagina that wants you,for this piece of the anatomy is what keeps us men sane.
Leave her arse alone dude.
...............................
A
male
reader, iamthesupreamegod +, writes (6 June 2008):
 i feel you on the opening up to you part... but from a bit of experience... its nothing special
in fact it didn't feel good at all. and it kind of hurt. i really don't recommend trying it. and think about it man... you want to put Jr. some place that poo comes out... EXIT ONLY
...............................
|
