A
female
age
30-35,
*atx3
writes:So i've been with my boyfriend for a little over a year now. We've had our share of the roller coaster. We broke up for 3 months because of him talking to other girls and hiding it from me. But we both realized that we still love each other and to give it another shot. The second time around was great, everything was almost perfect. Except now theres another obstacle. We live in Iowa, and he bought a new car from Cali. so he flew out there to get it on friday and drove back and got home sunday night. Anyways theres this girl who texts him all the time and calls him telling him only about her soccer games, or so i'm told. We got into one of our biggest fights a couple of months ago because of her. He reassured me they were just friends. Friday night while he was out in Cali he ignored a majority of my texts and didn't text me almost the whole day. He acted like he didn't care. The saturday i backed off and he texted me saying he wishes i was there and what not. Sunday night he got home and asked me what i did this whole weekend while he was gone and i asked him the same, then he tells me that he went to a soccer game. So my initial reaction was that it was this girls soccer game. So i asked if he saw her and he said he did but that he only watched her game and just said hi and that was it. But it doesnt make sense that the she just happened to be in the same part of Cali and that her game was going on during that time. So he told me he drove out an extra 3 hours just to watch her play. I let it go because theyre just "best friends". and since i he made me delete my facebook because it gave other guys chances to talk to me, i had one of my friends go on hers and see if she said anything about him.My friend gets on and the girls first status is "Best surprise ever if only it could have lasted longer, i hope i can make through this." and then all her other statuses are about how she likes this guy a lot and all this other stuff and also how shes coming back home to Iowa in a couple of months. I felt like i was gonna throw up. It sounded like there had to be something there than just a friendship. So i texted him freaking out and telling him all of this and all he says is that theyre just best friends and nothing more and how hes the luckiest guy in the world cause hes with the woman who hes in love with and all these other things. I asked if she even knew he had a girlfriend and hes like it doesnt matter if she does or doesnt, were friends. So obviously she doesn't know. But if youre best friends with someone then they obvi know your relationship status. This girl also constantly texts and calls him, what am i suppose to think?! He turned it all around on me and said that i was too possesive and if i continued to be like that it was over. Yet hes the one who made me delete all the guys out of my phone and delete my facebook and gets pissed if i hang out with other guys.Since ive been in the relationship with him i feel like i've lost a part of who i was. My friends and family beg for me to get out of it because they know i'm not getting the respect that i deserve, yet i cant get out. Hes my first everything. and i am so emotionally attached. When i first broke up with him i went through hell because of it, i was so depressed. But even being in it i'm not happy, and yet i cant find the strength to get out. Because everytime i confront him about it he says im just over analyzing and that its nothing.What should i do? Is he right is this nothing for me to be worried over, will history not repeat itself? Or am i right, is there really something more there than just a simple friendship?Any advice is welcome, thanks to all :)
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (28 April 2010):
 I would never drive 3 hours just to see a friend of mine
play soccer. And I am one who takes friendship very seriously.
I know that you are scared of leaving him because you do not want to go through hell again. But ask yourself if staying with a liar and a cheater is really gonna be heaven...
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2010): Ask him if you can be friends with the soccer girl? He may just be one of those guys who is genuinely oblivious that his "female friend" might actually like him. (His reaction to you wanting to befriend the girl will tell a lot.) He has no control over her facebook and can't determine what she posts there so you have no idea if what she is saying is entirely one-sided or not. Perhaps if you meet her, call her, email her, something... and be nice and try to befriend her. Something like "Oh hi! I know we haven't met but I'm xxx's girlfriend and he says just the nicest things about you! I hear you like soccer! Could you let me know when your next game is so that I can arrange a surprise trip for us to come out that way and see you?" if she really is his friend with no interest in him she'll be totally fine with that. If she's not she'll get defensive and act strange. That is when you need to bring up to your boyfriend that he needs to make the boundaries of his relationship with that girl clear. Not that you disapprove of his friendship but that she needs to know it's "just friends". The real problem isn't that he has a friend that's a girl or that she happens to like him. The real problem is that he feels it's 1) not only okay but vital to lie to you in order to go do things to see friends who are "just friends" and 2) entirely okay to ask things from you but not okay for you to ask the same in return. If he expects you to get rid of communication means and sever ties with people that make him uncomfortable then he should be willing to do the same in return. If not then the relationship is all about HIM. Try to bring this up without being judgmental. Very hard, I know, because hurt feelings tend to cause us to get emotional and then it is very easy to take the next step into judging. If you really love him and he really loves you then you should be able to communicate and come to a common ground. That does NOT mean both of you will get your way or that you will feel that everything is okay all the time but you can at least work things out so that you both know where the other stands.
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A
male
reader, ThatFunnyCaringCuy +, writes (28 April 2010):
Well...it seems like you are VERY worried and thats TOTALLY okay. I was jealous at one point in my life too, but this seems VERY big, and...im agreeing with you. It seems like he is a hypocrite. From what you said, it sounds like he is cheating on you. He wants you to think that he loves you. If I were you...i would get out of that relationship. I understand that you are VERY much in love with this guy, but he is not telling you the truth. If my girlfriend cheated on me, i would talk to her about it. If she did it again, then I would have to break up with her.It sounds like to me that he is cheating on you. Because you also said that you had your friend had checked this girls status and it sounded like she was talking about your boyfriend.Im really sorry to say this...but i would break up with him. And if he hurts you, then either call the police or tell your parents.I hope my advice helped.
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