A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:*contains sexual content* hey there aunts and uncles, Ok so im in a happy loving relationship me andy partner are very sexually experimental .. outdoors .. toys .. role play ... dress up .. he has had 2 previous partners one at age 14 and one age 15 they were only a handful of times! Hes my first and only everything as we got together at 16. He really wants to do anal i tried with lube and everything also with him from behind me on top. but its sooooo painful it makes me grit my teeth n it hurts for 2 days after its never gone in properly but even just the tip makes me bleed. Ive explained to my bf that it just hurts so much and its not something i want to do but ive tried for him n he keeps pushing it i asked him why he wants to do something that hurts me so much and he said he just wants to try everything once! it makes me feel boring and unadventurous and boring!its not that he wants to try it that upsets me or how much it hurts but that je sees how much it hurts and is more worried about his stupid bucket list than how I feel! I feel like hes taking advantage of my reluctance to say no for fear of seeming boring!how can i explain to him how mych hes upsetting me with his persistance!?isit really bad that he can see how much it hurts me yet still wants to try it! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (30 October 2014):
 Did he get the message, loud and clear? Have you successfully set your boundaries?
A
female
reader, Delirium +, writes (27 October 2014):
 You're still pretty young and exploring your own sexual needs so it's understandable that you want to try everything but it sound to me like you have a boyfriend that has found a girl (his 3rd) that is willing to cater to any of his sexual desires. He knows that as long as he makes you feel like you are boring, that his other sexual partners were okay with it, or that other girls he knows are doing it, then you will do anything he want even if it hurts you, makes you bleed, or just plain makes you emotionally uncomfortable. He has a good thing going for him, but ask yourself do you? My current boyfriend, while we have never done anal (neither of us ever really wanted to, although butt plugs we are okay with) we do have our own fun with toys and bondage and role play, but we have our limits and neither of us would ever make the other do something unpleasant. The point of good sex is that both people (or more, whatever people are into) are enjoying themselves. If only one person is having a good time while the other is in pain then that isn't a healthy relationship. I would tell you that it's okay for you to continue having sex with the guy if you are wanting to practice or try something for future boyfriends down the road but accept that his love for you is pretty much nonexistent. I would say don't marry the guy, don't get pregnant, don't lend him a large amount of money, and don't feel bad about moving on when the time comes.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (25 October 2014):
 Wow, why are you still with him?
IT IS OK to say NO, I don't want to try anal EVER again. IT IS OK to say I don't want you to take a dump on my chest (yea, some people apparently like that too) IT IS OK to have some limitations to what you don't WANT to try. That goes for food, sex and life in general.
What's next? HE wants to have a 3-some or make you WATCH while he has sex with another girl? OR he wants YOU to have sex and he will watch? Or he wants to choke you while having sex? Those are just examples. Not saying that he will, but HIS bucket list when it comes to sex is NOT your job to fulfill. IF he feels it's MORE important to get his PENIS in someones REAR END then RESPECT you saying NO - let him go. LET him go find someone else to take that kind of crap.
SEX is a two way street. IT has to be ENJOYABLE for BOTH parties. YOU are NOT his BLOW UP DOLL. OR his walking sex toy.
What he is doing is trying to emotionally blackmail you into doing something you DO NOT want. THAT isn't right.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2014): You should break up with him. Never do anything sexually you don't want to do with anyone- you need to build up your self esteem. He should respect your wishes and not want to cause you any harm but obviously he has major issues. I would advise against anal sex as there are many dangers involved. You may already have damaged your anus from trying it.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (24 October 2014):
 A man who wants to hurt you for his own pleasure and has no respect for you like that is not good end material.
This situation would be a deal breaker for me.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2014): The guy can't have any complaints, you tried and you just couldn't take it, I know he obviously would love to do it but I don't understand why he would find it enjoyable if it was causing you so much pain. He's just got to accept the fact that it won't happen, and appreciate the great relationship he has.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2014): You are not boring, he is. And a sad loser because he has no respect for you - i'm sure your a great person in every way possible, you don't deserve this!
If he demands he wants anal tell him if he wants sex, then you won't have it in that way, so he either has sex how you're comfortable having it or not at all. If he can't handle that fact then he can bring his anal-bucket-full fillment-rubbish out the door, because your not a sex doll, you are a human being with rights, needs and a say to what happens to your body, and it can be hard but some guys are buttholes like that. He is immature and you will not tolerate that.
Farewell, 15yo girl.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2014): He is insane ,l thought sex was to please both parties involved but he is just being selfish dump him NOW
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (24 October 2014):
 O, here's what you say..."Yeah sure we'll try it again as soon as you stuff a baseball bat up your bung and tell me how great it feels."
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (24 October 2014):
"Hey, John, my bucket list has a new item: I will only have sex with a man who respects and honors my boundaries. Where does that leave you? Right now, you are not on the keeper list. If you bring up anal sex again, we are over. Seriously. Over. The. End. Because we HAVE tried anal sex. You have now tried anal sex with me. And it didn't work. That's the way it is. And now your insistence on the importance of your bucket list over my health and well being has me wondering, why are you being so selfish? You are stretching my patience. Not to mention, I am rapidly losing the respect I had for you. How can you be this selfish? Not good. Not good at all."
I'd probably break up with him if he brought it up again. Because that does show that he's putting his sexual desire above your need to be healthy and safe.
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (24 October 2014):
 You are not boring. That is something I would NEVER do, and if my boyfriend pushed for it, regardless of my feelings, then he wouldn't be my boyfriend much longer.
Sexual pleasure, is meant to be pleasurable for BOTH parties. It isn't about fulfilling a bucket list of sexual practices.
What happens when he as gone through all the normal stuff? Is he going to want to try BDSM, and goodness knows what else?
You do not have to do anything you don't want to. If he doesn't like that then it is his problem.
He sounds like a selfish teenage boy, not a mature grown man.
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